Tuesday, June 30, 2009

"Drag is when a man wears everything a lesbian won't."-----Unknown

Gay Pride is a blast every year and this one was no exception. I picked up my girl Anastacia and our friend Crystal around 10am. We immediately mixed cocktails for the ride downtown and we were off. The big parade was at noon and we got into our position at the end of the parade route just before that bitch started coming our way. The past 2 years it has poured down rain during the parade. Aside from the wet t-shirts and rainbow finish...it was miserable. This year, however, the humidity broke, the temperature dropped and the gays showed up in droves. Here is me and my girl Kari. I joke that she is my twin (lots o' folks say we look alike), my body double (same size down to the shoe) and my fellow gay lover (she brings her own gays)! Oh, and she is the only other person I know that understands a white girl's afro.

Brian and I watching the parade
Crystal, Anastacia and me
Sandra Bernhard was the Grand Marshall of the parade and she also did a little stand-up ditty.

We were so close!Crystal, Aaron, Toni, Kari's gay, Sean, David and Kari...who is that hottie in the middle?

Ana, Crystal and Toni...you can see the vodka sinking in
Me and my gay boyfriend. Love this bitch.

Always have to end things with drunken fuckery and this year was no exception. Here is me...looking for my contact. LOL!

My rainbow nails and my new gay ring. Every year I pick up something new. Last year it was a t-shirt that says "Love All Thy Neighbors" in rainbow. This year it was a rainbow bling ring!

And I will leave you with my new favorite gay joke:
"Jesse Helms and Newt Gingrich were shaking hands congratulating themselves on the introduction of an antigay bill in Congress. If it passes, they won't be able to shake hands, because it will then be illegal for a prick to touch an asshole." Judy Carte

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Way Back Wednesday- Pride addition!

In honor of Pride week here in the Lou this week I have decided to dedicate today's Way Back posting to Pride's gone by. This will be my 5th year celebrating and I absolutely cannot wait!

My very first gay pride with my sissy in June of 2005!
My shirt says I love my gay sister!

Pride 2006, gotta love the shirts. Mine says "Got Dick?" my sister's says "Got Pussy?" My mom came with an "I love my gay daughter t-shirt".

Nick and Ray samich- Pride 2007
Pride 2007, Ana and I with Kari's gays. Not sure where Kari and Brad went off to.

Pride 2008, early drunkeness and mayham. Ana and I were wasted by parade's end, as you can clearly see here.

And my best butch lesbian for you all to see. In 2007 I got a fake arm band tat...that really did the trick! I can't find the damned pic!

Anastacia and myself after the downpoor of the parade to drunken monkey madness at noon!

Hubs and I sitting on the stage at Novak's...this is a first

Making out with gay men...happy PRIDE!!!!!

This picture pretty well wraps up the evening, I think

Just a reminder on how we truly ended it. Hubby with my bra on his face claiming "I smell nipples" Here's to another great Pride STL, bitches!

Happy Pride 2009!!!!!

Hag samich, me and my mens. Anastacia on the left and hubby on the right

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


Once again, the events of this week have sent me almost over the edge. I am reaching out to the blogosphere for some guidance and support. It all started with Perez Hilton being punched in the face by management for the Black Eyed Peas over the weekend. Long story short, Fergie Fug and Will.i.am asked Perez to not post about their band on his blog and Perez said, “Ummmmm, no”. Fug and i.am followed Perez from party to party. Perez gets angry and in an attempt to make BEP’s angry, he calls will.i.am a faggot. I do not condone that language in any way but Perez is a clear bottom in my mind so it’s ok for him. Kinda like I can say my sister is a bitch but if you do, you are getting punched. Anyhoo, eventually BEP’s manager ended up sucker punching (Sucker Punch- This occurs when someone hits someone else from behind, usually when the person being hit doesn't know it until afterwards. Usually considered shady or a "bitch move".) Perez in the eye…repeatedly. I don’t really care about any of this…it’s really just the back story.

So today it seems the news has saturated the minds of Americans. After some time and hard consideration, we the American people defend the attacker and blame the victim. People have tried to make it a gay issue saying Perez shouldn’t have called Will a faggot. I agree but being as Perez himself is a big flaming homo, I don’t really see an issue with this. Then there are others that say well, he blogs nasty things about people all day long so he should expect what he gets. Lots of people have talked about my good friend, Karma. Perez himself addressed this opinion best: "Karma would be me losing my site and going bankrupt or what have u...Karma is not getting punched in the face." Even Newsweek is weighing in: http://blog.newsweek.com/blogs/thehumancondition/archive/2009/06/23/john-mayer-perez-hilton-and-the-politics-of-victim-blaming.aspx

I honestly could not agree more with their opinions as far as blaming the victim. It is kind of like Jodie Foster’s character in The Accused (circa 1988). If you haven’t seen it, basically Jodie’s character is dressed up for a night out, ends up in a seedy bar and gets gang raped by a group of men. I remember watching this movie for the first time with my dad. Prepare yourself for what is coming next but he actually said “well, she shouldn’t have gone into that bar dressed like that if that wasn’t what she wanted”. Really? You really thing that? And you are really going to say it out loud to your 10 year old? My parents didn’t shelter me from anything. They wanted my sister and I to see the world for what it was. My dad made me realize how one-sided and cruel the world can be. I, of course, turned it around and said, “so if that was me, dressing like that, you think I would deserve it?” And that is how you change someone, one conversation at a time. I am still appaled when I think of that conversation today. What if I had been a weak little girl who believed what her daddy said? What if I had identified with my dad and the attackers instead of the victim?

Matthew Shepard

How about Matthew Shepard? Matthew was a young gay man figuring out his life. He lived in Wyoming where gay people and gay issues were seldom talked about. Small fact I learned while on vacation 5 years ago in Laramie, there is not a gay bar in the great state of Wyoming. I am sure there is some seedy joint that has to keep quiet but not one we could find through much internet research but I digress. Matthew struggled with his sexuality and found it difficult to deal with on his own. He attended a few out-of-state universities and took class trips that allowed him to see outside of the closed minds of Wyoming. He became more comfortable in who he was and what he was about. And then he went home to Laramie. On October 7, 1998 two men, Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson, lead him to a remote area east of Laramie where they demonstrated unimaginable acts of hate. Matthew was tied to a split-rail fence where he was beaten and left to die in the cold of the night. Almost 18 hours later he was found by a cyclist who initially mistook him for a scarecrow. Matthew died on October 12 at 12:53 am at a hospital in Fort Collins, Colorado. His entire family was by his side for the last few days of his life. His funeral was attended by friends and family from around the world and gained the appropriate media attention that brought Matthew's story to the forefront of the fight against hate. The Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act, also known as the Matthew Shepard Act was introduced to the House 5 times from 2001 up until this year. In 2009 it was finally passed by the House and is pending with the Senate Judiciary Committee. It has taken tireless years of service, time and money on behalf of millions of volunteers, parents and gay-lovers to make this happen and it still is not done! I guess if Matthew had not had the audacity to be gay in Wyoming he might still be alive.

Another example sighted by Newsweek is the recent media circus surrounding Rhianna and Chris Brown. I was enraged when the news broke of the alleged beat down that took place before the Grammy’s. Seeing the photos of RiRi’s bruised and battered face made me think about the inner scars that would last much longer that the ones outside. The first thing media speculated on was “What did she do to make him do it?”. It was assumed immediately that the victim was at fault. She read his texts, she was jealous, she was to blame. No wonder battered women look for ways that they were responsible, that is what the rest of society is doing!

Angie Zapata

I think the reference that cuts me the deepest is the one made to Angie Zapata's story. Maybe because my wounds to this particular hate crime are still very raw. Angie was a transgendered 18 year old with her whole life ahead of her. She was born a boy and realized at 12 years old that she just did not identify with that gender. Her family (God love them) was very accepting and supportive. Due to heavy harassment and constant threats of violence that were never addressed by the school, Angie dropped out and moved to be closer to her family. She got her own apartment, watched her nieces and nephews and intended to start school for fashion. On July 17, 2008, Angie Zapata was brutally murdered in her Greeley, Colorado apartment. Two weeks later, Allen Andrade was arrested. Andrade has been charged with first degree murder, aggravated motor vehicle theft, identify theft and a bias motivated (hate) crime by the Weld County District Attorney. You can do your own research of the case. I am sure there are many opinions but to me this beautiful young life was cut short over hate, plain and simple. People say it was her fault. She had a social networking site that said she was a straight female. She lied so she deserved to die? I guess that is the logic. Correct me if I am wrong but there is not transgender box on MySpace, Facebook or any other social site that I am aware of. Perhaps she would have checked the box marked “Chicks with Dicks” if given the option. I guess we won’t ever know. The case is actually in a jury’s hands as I type this. The big argument on this case is WHEN she came out to her attacker. Did she tell him in the 700+ correspondences that they had via e-mail or text? Did he know days before that she was a man living as a woman? Or did he find out when he showed up at her apartment? You might be wondering but why does that matter? Well because if she didn’t tell this man she was transgendered then it isn’t his fault for killing her, is it? He flipped out and killed her, that’s all. Part of Allen Andrade’s statement reads: "It's not like I went up to a school teacher and shot her in the head, or killed a straight law-abiding citizen,".:Jurors were shown partial transcripts of tape-recorded jail calls in which Andrade allegedly told his girlfriend that he "snapped" and that "gay things need to die." Andrade was arrested July 30, nearly two weeks after Zapata's sisters discovered her body under a blanket in her apartment. Andrade told investigators that he struck Zapata twice in the head with a fire extinguisher and thought he had "killed it" before striking her again as she struggled to get up, the arrest affidavit said. Andrade is believed to be the first person tried for a hate crime under the sexual orientation section of Colorado's hate crime law, according to the New York and Los Angeles-based Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation. Colorado is one of 11 states to have such designations in their laws. Andrade has five felony convictions, according to court records.

"Killed it", can you imagine that "it" as your child? I bet Judy Shepard and Maria Zapata couldn't fathom it either. I will be watching this case and I hope you do too. I hope you talk to your kids about hate and hate crimes. I hope no mother ever has to endure what Judy Shepard and Maria Zapata have and will continue to for the rest of their days.

“We have seen a man dragged to death in Texas simply because he was black. A young man murdered in Wyoming simply because he was gay. In the last year alone, we've seen the shootings of African Americans, Asian Americans, and Jewish children simply because of who they were. This is not the American way. We must draw the line. Without delay, we must pass the Hate Crimes Prevention Act and the Employment Non-Discrimination Act. And we should reauthorize the Violence Against Women Act.”
Former President Bill Clinton

Friday, June 19, 2009

I like my beers cold and my homosexuals flaming. ~Homer Simpson

Homo-sani (homo sandwich)

When I decided to take time out of “The Game”, the dating game that is, I was afraid that I would want for male interaction and attention. I used to say, “If I could just find someone to curl up on the couch and watch a movie with me, I’d be happy”. When I first started working at Culpepper’s (AKA: Hell-on-earth) there was this bitch that started right around the same time as me. I say bitch because I have never seen a man throw so much attitude in my life. He made me laugh to the point of crying and never let me down when I needed to hear someone get bitch-slapped with words. This bitch was more caddy, outrageous and downright over-the-top than I was and I fucking loved him. And so that is the story of how I met my husband. We slowly moved from co-workers, to client/hairdresser to husband and wife. Originally, he was my gay boyfriend. We went out almost every weekend and got crazy wild. I was tired of straight bars and straight boys trying to stick it up my booty when I danced. The Mr. showed me that while a gay man may hump me on the dance floor, the last thing he wants is his junk near my no-no. For years this is how we did. He did my hair in his mama’s kitchen sink, we danced and got crazy on the weekends and we gossiped like school girls through out the week. I was his date and he was mine to any weddings or other stupid occasions where a plus 1 was required. His grandmother actually commented once at his cousin’s wedding that maybe he wasn’t gay after all. Maybe we would get married one day. Even hubby’s mama laughed at that. Needless to say we were nice and settled into our relationship. Before a wedding once, I took off my panties in his car so I could put on panty hose. I will never forget how he clung to the driver side door saying “Oh my God, it’s open in my car”, like my va jay jay was a can of tuna. Another time I got wasted beyond drunk and he told me he wanted me to sleep between he and his ex, who wanted to come home with us. I complied. That was the night I tried to pee in his oven and he will never let me live it down. We have broken the law together…ok, many laws and made it through some serious family drama and friend drama. We met each others friends and family and became a part of one another’s lives. Even my daddy loves my gay hubby. So how did he go from my gay boyfriend to my gay husband you ask?

(The one and only Anastacia Beaverhausen)

Well, along came Anastacia Beaverhausen. Hubby and I were both working at Culp’s as a 2nd job. He was still in hair school, I was a big bad bill collector at the CS of I. We worked harder than most of the people who were working this as their primary gig. We were kind of snobs in dealing with those folks because frankly, they sucked and we didn’t have time for them. So along comes Anastacia; and behold, we have found our 3rd musketeer. From day one, I loved this bitch with my whole heart. I feared at first that my first bitch and my 2nd would hate each other, which commonly happens with my gays. But alas, there was instant love between the 2 of them as well. We immediately clicked. Ana is a dancer and one of the only people in this lifetime that can truly hold up against me in a cage dancing showdown. Tried and true, my friends. This bitch has what it takes. So we go out clubbing pretty much every weekend and Ana and I frequently end up in the cage. Hubby is left to hang with his buds, which is ok but I sense his feeling left out. I am not sure when it really happened but one day we were all sitting around at work and I said something about my gay boyfriends and hubby pipes up that he used to be the only one. As I extended my circle of gays, I also extended my love to new men. I can see he is upset and being a Sex and the City fan, I realized why:

“I'd been so preoccupied by my gay boyfriend, I kept forgetting about my gay husband.”-----Carrie Bradshaw.

Right then and there I asked hubby if he’d like to be my gay husband. No ceremony, no rings just a couple of shots and a lot of love sealed that deal.

(Just married!)

So we went on like this for years, partying and having a great time. Slowly we started to get older and the weekends out became less and less. Every weekend used to be a gay weekend out for me, now I have to book them in advance. Hubby bought a house, boyfriend settled into being an adult as well. It was hard to handle for us all at first. We do date nights at restaurants now and dinners at home. I guess I finally did get my someone to curl up and watch a movie with.

(My 3 favorite boys, hubs face is like "whatever new guy, this bitch is ours!")

Sometimes hubby, gay boyfriend and I will go months without seeing each other now. Although neither of those bitches are ever far from my heart. I will never forget the love, comfort and support that they provided when I needed it most and still to this day. Either of them could call me in the middle of the night for anything and I would be there. Last year Ana and I took our usual trip down to the Tower Grove Park to enjoy the annual Gay Pride festivities as we do every year (it is our tradition together, hubby is not a fan of crowds, heat or people, lol). I started to miss hubby and I called to see where he was and homegirl was AT HOME. I said “you better get your queer little ass down here right now or I am revoking your homo card the next time I see you”. Revoking of the homo card is a threat I use often and it usually gets attention immediately. So bitch (hubby) acts like it’s nothing but a G thing and hangs up; well I must have put the fear of Richard Simons in her because not half an hour later bitch is calling me talking about “I’m at the park entrance, where are you?” Yeah, I still go it. We had a blast…just me and my gays. I have frequently thought of writing a book about our experiences. They truly are some of the best of my life. I am really just waiting for my sister to pass the bar exam so I can find out how legally liable we are if I divulge our secrets:-)

So thinking back on the past always makes me think of the future, if I ever get married 2 of my bridesmaids will be men. The dress will be optional for them. My kids, if I ever pop them out, will have Guncles (gay uncles) for life. I will always have these 2 fantastic people with whom I can share my thoughts, my feelings and my life. More than anything though I will have a daily example of what it means to live as your true self, to be genuine to you and to not let anyone take that away from you. I find these boys to be a huge inspriation to my life. When I think of them it makes my glass half full, even if it is empty.

I feel like I have been seeing life lately out of a very small key hole. Once I opened the door the abundance was so much easier to see. I am a lucky girl. I am loved and I have so much love to give. I know there will be hard times and obsticles in life. As long as I have my gay’s, my girls and myself…life will always be full. This month is gay pride month. To me it should also be gay awareness. Everyone knows a gay, weather you are related, you work together or you just see some flambouyant tart on the street. These hearts are goldmines of love and acceptance. The world is missing out by trying to suppress something that is so beautiful. I believe that in my lifetime gay people will truly have equal rights. I am not just talking about marriage. I mean:

The right to insurance for partners and children
The right to adopt
The right to visit your partner in the hospital and have rights over their care
The right to own your home, should your partner die
The right to raise your children, should your partner die
The right to work in any state and not be fired for your sexual orientation
The right to walk out on the street AS WHO YOU ARE and not fear for your life
The right to tax benefits and options that straight couples have
The right to be who you are
The right to wear glitter, rainbows, feather boa’s, make-up, dresses and stilettos

Expect another Big Gay Post before Pride weekend, which coincidentally is June 27th and 28th. You can visit: http://www.pridestl.org/pridefest.html for more information.

(Hub's b-day this year)

(Dean and I with cream puff, no pun intended)

("I smell nipples")

(Gay Pride 2008 Ka-ka-ka-kaaaaa)

(Random hot fireman, another good reason to attend Pride, shirtless hotties!)

(He loves these shoes. Would have bouht them for himself if they were his size.)

(Random gay night)


Thursday, June 18, 2009

“I like someone who is a little crazy but coming from a good place. I think scars are sexy because it means you made a mistake that led to a mess."

Forgiving Love
Forgiving Me
Forgiving You
Forgiving We

"I don't know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable. But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, 'well, if I'd known better I'd have done better,' that's all. So you say to people who you think you may have injured, 'I'm sorry,' and then you say to yourself, 'I'm sorry.' If we all hold on to the mistake, we can't see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can't see what we're capable of being. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one's own self. I think that young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves. Now mind you. When a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats, as too black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too sexual or too asexual, that's rough. But you can overcome that. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. If we don't have that we never grow, we never learn, and sure as hell we should never teach."-----Maya Angelou

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Way Back...

Wayyyy the hell back to 8th grade on this one. This was about a year into my friendship with Leigh and already we were humiliating all of the boys that dared to come near us. I remember that we wanted to be gangster girls but we just wanted to weart the suit jackets with no pants. The parents were not going for that one at all. This was before Julie Yacovelli's party way back in 1992! Oh, and I will buy a drink for the first person that came name that boy in the pink wig!

Happy Hump Day!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

So in love...

Holy MOTHER of tall-drink-of-water. Mama needs a wet wipe as well as a plastic cover for my chair after this. I could not resist posting this beautiful image today. Ladies, meet my new boyfriend, Christian Ronaldo, showing off what his mama gave him. Why don't soccer players in the US look like this? I would watch freaking soccer if they did...everyday. That shit does a body good. Somebody call David Beckham and let him know he gots a run for his money today, boy!

Here is another because I just can't resist. Homeboy got my motor running fo sho. I hope yours too. Mmmmm, mmmm good!

Sweet dreams with this under your pillow tonight. Praise to the baby Jesus for helping me find a smile today:-)

Friday, June 12, 2009

Crazy or quirky?

I was laughing at myself and some of my “quirks” the other day and Dan suggested some people might think these are the rants of a crazy woman. You be the judge.

Feet- I love my own feet. I love giving myself pedicures. I am one of the few people who do not really enjoy getting a pedicure done by someone else because I feel like I do a better job. I also am not a huge fan of strangers touching my feet. Actually, I am not a fan of anyone but me touching my feet. I have a problem with other people’s feet in a great big unhealthy way. In my previous relationships I told the person as soon as it was an issue for me and they stopped. When I met Dan he was very cuddly at night and I was really used to sleeping alone. He sleeps on his back and I prefer my stomach, which is not conducive to cuddle time. So we would cuddle for a minute and each roll our own separate ways and then one night…it happened. He intentionally extended his leg and put his barefoot right onto mine! I remember waking up that first morning all wiggidied out and asking him why he had his foot, and just his foot, on me all night. He said “well I just like to feel that you are there”. So my heart melted and I couldn’t tell him my foot problem. Over time I got used to his foot always touching mine at night but then he told me he really liked it if the bottoms of our feet touched. I laughed out loud in his face but I am not gonna lie, I tried it and it wasn't so bad. Fast forward a few months and we are watching TV on the couch one day. He is lying down and I am sitting on the end near his feet. He has no socks on and in an effort to get my attention he pinched me with his toes! I finally broke down and told him my foot issues. He couldn’t believe that I had been letting our feet touch all of that time when I had such issues. I really have grown to appreciate a foot reaching out in the night but pinch me with your toes and I’ll cut a bitch. Quirk or crazy?

Killer Trucks- This is an inner demon that I have battled for over a decade. Perhaps I had some sort of traumatic childhood experience involving livestock. Whatever the case, I cannot stand cattle trucks. They make my blood boil. I actually want to run them off the road and/or physically harm their drivers. I will lean down and mouth KILLER to the driver as I am passing by. I call them killer trucks and that is what they are. When I think about the poor breeding conditions, hormone injection, life of confinement and horrible death these animals are dealt I cannot see straight. All goes red. I eat red meat very rarely; mostly burger and filet. I don’t eat pig and I haven’t for years. That comes from my long love of pigs. I consider giving up red meat every time I pass a cattle truck. This past Wednesday I was driving home from work in the fast lane when I spotted the killer truck ahead, in the lane right beside me. I usually speed up, mouth “killer” and get past them far enough to not think about it. I NEVER look inside. So I have executed my strategery and I am reaching the back end of the truck as to slide on by when I see them. Little snouts poking out of the killer truck holes. 3 rows of little snouts and they are a few inches out of the holes so I can’t help but notice. THEY ARE PIGS! Poor little pigs with cute little snouts who are gasping for air because they are 3 deep in this nasty killer truck. I was devastated. I called Dan to talk me down off of the ledge and he told me to take a xanax and relax. I recognized my complete over reaction but I could not help it. I wanted to physically harm the man driving. That is not right. Then I felt guilty because he is just trying to feed his own family; the Future-killer-truck-drivers-of-America. I am pretty sure I am headed to vegetarianism. And now Dan worries about me driving alone.

Moisture- I am fanatical about moisturizer. Moisture is the key to younger looking skin and for some reason that has been stuck in my head since I was 12. At 16 I started using Oil of Olay. My ex roommate used to call it oil of old lady. This is a strange quirk but one that has lasted ½ of my life. I do feel as if I have very healthy skin so I will probably continue with my ritual until I am old and grey. I use baby oil on my entire body after a shower and sometimes I will still lotion after that. I often wonder if other people share my compulsion.

Some other small quirks that deserve honorable mention: Toilet paper- must be over…never under. DON’T ash in the sink, especially if there are ashtrays nearby and NEVER ash in a cup, a glass or on a plate. Small children who act a fool drive me insane. I have been known to start screaming like a wild person myself so they understand how completely stupid they look. I have also been known to throw a leg out and trip a brat. A baby crying is one of the worst sounds in the world to me. I hate it when people open/hang on/leave open the refrigerator door. This comes from my childhood and my mom’s classic “are you cooling the county?” I am fanatical about my plants and candles. Don’t mess with either one. I have a knack for burning candles evenly as to not waste wax and I hate it when people mess with my candle groove. This mostly applies to people who live with me. My sister used to try to water my plants as a favor. It irritated me horribly and when she realized she was killing them she finally stopped.

Now for the things I do that annoy others. My sister hated that I would leave my coffee spoon on the edge of the sink to reuse on my next refill. It always left a coffee ring and it made her crazier than she already was. Sarah’s biggest issue with me was that I am not always the best about replacing the toilet paper. I find it about as important as making your bed…you are just going to get back in it tonight. If I replace the tp today, it will be empty again tomorrow. I have gotten much better about this with age. I frequently do not shut cabinet doors, pantry doors or drawers on dressers after getting something out. I leave caps off of things a lot. This is Dan’s pet peeve and he catches me at least 3x’s a week having left the contact solution cap open. Now he just closes it without saying anything. I have a really hard time getting rid of clothes that still fit and some that don’t. It’s really very stupid considering I buy mostly 2nd hand anyway. I struggle with verbal vomit which is to say that I have a hard time thinking about what I say before it comes spewing out of my mouth. Oddly enough I also have a hard time apologizing for those thoughts as I do mean them in some small way. I am very passionate about my causes, always rooting for the underdog and I have been known to snap when I feel like people are out of line in their conduct or judgment. One of the biggest things that I do that pisses people off is eating! I eat every few hours and if I don’t I will get cranky. I eat what I want when I want and when big girls say “I wish I could do that” I tell them they are more than welcome to the tummy issues that cause the need to eat so much. I also smoke the herb like they are bootlegging it. I mention this because I know it annoys someone, somewhere. Hopefully someday the tummy issues will make a prescription for the herb possible! Oh, I can’t believe I almost forgot this one. I bite my cuticles; all of the time. It could be the smallest piece of skin and I am biting until I get it off. Completely disgusting and unsanitary, I know. That is all I can think of for now. I am sure there is more. I will add them as comments if they are good enough. I am anxious to hear if you all think I am crazy or quirky. I think it is a nice mix of both. Happy Friday to all and happy freakin’ weekend!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

License to breed

This might be a fired up post because I am passionate/pissed off about this subject. Most of my friends have kids or plan to have them in the next few years. I try not to judge because I am not a parent myself but I do judge and I am not even a little bit sorry after what I came up with here. There are certain behaviors and actions that I believe should be instilled into every child. This is just my belief and I am sure no one cares but I am putting it out there because I am fired up today. I feel like the world is pretty messed up right now and Lionel Richie was right, the children are our future. So why is it then that some mommies act like whores? They bring home random men, talk badly about baby daddies, mess around with trifling’, nasty married men and wonder why the world doesn’t respect them as single mothers. What a shining example you are for your young daughter. Teach her that she can sell her sorry self to get her bills paid, to get those new shoes or to get where she wants in life. Teach her to depend on a man and when he leaves, to find another to take care of her. Girls need to be taught that you respect other women. You don’t sleep with their husbands, boyfriends or fathers (yep, I went there). They need to be loved at home so they don’t go looking to the streets of the first bum that says he loves them. They need daddies, not sperm donors who may or may not pay for their support. This is a 24/7 job. Not one that can be dropped for men, jewelry, cars or entertainment. Even if you have been left to do it by yourself; you signed up…it’s your job now. Weather you are married, divorced, dating or just sleeping around once you become a mother you make that commitment for life. A lot of women I know don’t know the proper way to maintain a house, a checkbook or a family. How do they intend to pass this along to their daughters and teach them the proper way? I realize they might not have been taught themselves but that is where breaking the cycle and being better than our parents comes into play.

I am almost in more fear for the little boys. It’s no wonder that we already have so many dead beat daddies on the street. If things continue the way they are now, you can expect more. In fact, you can expect the little girls you are raising to have to deal with them. This will be the lot from which they choose their future husbands. Yay! A lot of them have no daddy or male role model. They watch mama let men treat her like shit and that is their example of how to treat a woman from that moment forward. Abusers actually start abusing at a very young age; most of the time their mother is the target. They don’t learn respect for themselves, let alone other people. They are raised to believe that women are objects for mans pleasure and that is how they will treat them. I see little boys hit, kick and spit on their parents (mostly mom’s) who are usually begging them to stop. What happened to beating your children? I am a big believer that a good ole fashioned ass whoopin’ goes a long way. I am not saying spank your kids daily. You know when they have gone too far. Are you afraid they will be mad at you? They might not like you? What if they put their own life in danger, or yours? I beg you to consider what the world will think of them when they are a grown-ass man acting that way. I have dated some of these deadbeats in my time and I blame all of their mothers for what they became…or didn’t.

Everybody wants to be their child’s friend. I feel bad that I can’t give you my time so here is some money or $200 shoes or a $500 phone. Kids don’t know relationships these days. In our day friends were forged during kickball games, on the playground, in the classroom or by some sort of personal interaction. Most children these days can’t form a full sentence because they don’t talk, they text. They also cannot spell because they use abbreviations that are no where near the correct spelling. They cannot write in cursive. They don’t teach cursive in schools in America anymore. No cursive, no signature…and we all sign in print like 2nd graders. Yeah, but we are superior to other countries. Oh, and don’t talk about important issues like race, sexual orientation or gender equality. Just tell them you have 1 black friend and 1 gay friend/relative (I love this one every time) but don’t treat them as friends/relatives. Just call them niggers and faggots behind their backs…because continuing to breed hate is the answer to the hate already building within this child. Teach them they are superior to all others and to demand respect even it they do not give it and have never earned it. Teach them that random sex with strangers is love. You don’t have to have a relationship or care about someone…you are just there to get yours. Teach them to settle for what they get and never try to do better. Don’t try in school. It’s a waste of time. In fact, just go ahead and have a baby so welfare can be the backbone of the entire family.

Mmmmm-kay. So time to take it to the other side and relieve some of the building pressure. I DO have MANY friends who are great parents. I fully believe that those little girls with mommy and daddy at home will know how a woman should be treated and how a man should act towards his wife. She will also know what it is to be a wife and a mother. She will feel loved by both of her parents and therefore not seeking the pseudo affection of some douche bag just trying to get into her pants. This little girl will learn about partnership and mutual respect. She will learn that loving is a decision, not always a feeling or an act. She will learn to take care of a home as her mother (or father) does; with care, love and concern everyday. She will respect herself and others and therefore she will command to be respected in return. She won’t sleep around or neglect her own babies for selfish reasons because she has been shown the way.

The same goes for the mommies of little men that I know. I fully expect to see some of the most amazing husbands and fathers come out of this batch. Again, they have the influence of both parents. They see how dad loves mom and can’t wait to have a wife to love that much someday. They are affectionate, play full, well balanced kids. Their mommies are their lives and vice versa. They will know how to cook, clean, build things and do their own laundry. These women are raising little men and they know it. They weeded through quite a bit of bad apples to find their frog/toad/prince and they are doing the world a service in their raising our future right.

I realize that every home cannot have both a mommy and daddy. I also have friends who would love nothing more than to have that but they simply do not. Unfortunately it is now your job to be both mother and father. It sucks but it is reality. Hopefully you have a father, brother or cousin that can serve as a good male role model. Or if you are a single dad (they are out there from the fluctuation of whoring mommies), hopefully you have a mother, sister or friend who will be that influence to your daughter. EVERY child needs that, boy or girl.

Children today are committing suicide at an alarming rate. Parents don’t talk to their kids. We allow them to be babysat by fantasy worlds, TV and on-line chat rooms. Most don’t have goals or aspirations beyond living with their parents until they are 40. You would not believe the bargaining that goes on with teenagers. Money, privileges and promises in exchange for good behavior, grades and doing what you should anyway. See, when I was a kid you had good behavior and grades or you didn’t get money, privileges or promises of anything but further grounding.

Some of my friends tell me I don’t understand. When I am a parent it will be different. I don’t think so. My parents were all about tough love. I moved out at 16 and took care of myself. I was able to do that because they forced me to take care of myself at home. I cooked the family dinner, did the dishes and did a lot of the home maintenance. I was doing my own laundry at 10 years old. That was also the same year that dad said I was both old enough and tall enough to mow the grass on the riding mower. We talked about the power of a machine and went over every button, lever and pulley before he would even let me start it. It was another 4 years before I was allowed to mow the lawn when he was not home. He taught me to cut a steak and made a point to say “no daughter of mine will ever depend on a man to cut her meat”. I see girls on dates all of the time who have to have their boyfriend cut up their food. I always think of my dad. I can change oil, rotate tires and operate power tools. I don’t cry weakness when things are heavy or difficult for me. I used to hate that in the restaurant industry when girls would say they couldn’t carry glass racks or ice just so someone else would do it for them. My answer to that was for me to carry 2 at a time and show them that even though I am 50+ pounds lighter, I can do it, so can you. I can’t stand women/girls that further the idea that woman are the weaker sex. They are giving us independent gals a bad name.

You have to have a license to drive, practice law and medicine; most financial professions require them. You also have to have a license to serve liquor, to stay open late…fuck, you need a license to FISH but not to have a kid. Up until the point that my mature responsible friends started having kids, I really did think that only stupid people were breeding. Most of them breeding unwanted mistakes, paid for by the state. I am a democrat but I think we should sterilize women on welfare that continue to produce. If you accept our money, you also accept our conditions. I think gay people should be able to adopt all of these unwanted and unloved children in orphanages. What is the difference between a single woman adopting and 2 women or 2 men? 1 more person to love the child; that is all I can think of. We are doing a shit job of family values so please don’t trump the queer card as your issue with gay adoption. Most of my gay friends (I said most) are the most loving, caring and nurturing bunch of homo’s you have ever met. Their dogs are their kids and there is a lot of love out there for grabs.

The point is there are solutions to all of these problems. I, for one, will offer to help out more in the future. If one of my single mama’s needs a break, I will help because she deserves it. If someone’s marriage needs a break from the kids for a night, I am there. My resolution to my anger is to do more myself. I will not stand by when children hit and kick their mothers. If she is not strong enough to make it clear that is wrong, then I will. I don’t care how anyone feels about it or if I hurt someone’s feelings. It is all of our responsibility to make sure kids understand the world. Unfortunately, some of them are born into homes that are missing key elements to make a child a functioning adult. It really is up to the rest of us to help out. Turning a cheek isn’t working. It hasn’t been working for decades. Our prisons are over crowded and people are killing out of straight up hate. Something has got to change and I for one am starting today.

I didn’t name this bitch Craw Digger for nothing. I hoped I made you think even if you are pissed at what I had to say. I feel much better with all of that off my chest. Thanks blogosphere, almost as good as Calgon.

Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.-- Charles R. Swindoll

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Way back Wednesday, my very first

My very first Way Back Wednesday and the first time ever that I have posted 2 blogs in one day. I am breaking records left and right today. So our Way Back moment today comes from way back in the early 80's. My parents claim to this day that they did not know my sister was a lesbian until she came out 6 years ago. Really? Cuz to me the hat/flannel/belt combo screams Lesbian-in-training! Anyhoo...we are adorable: then, now and forever. Happy HUMP day, y'all.