Monday, November 30, 2009

Man Candy Monday

Mr. Orlando Bloom...

He is the perfect mix of man.

He can do the dark/sexy thing.

Or sweet and sensitive.

Boho chic.

Disturbed? Not sure but it's hot.

Fun-loving and free.

SEXY! Sorry about the b-day wish. I couldn't find this image without it. As you can see there was no omitting this bad boy.

Sexy/sensitive again.

The pro headshot...nice. As a boy/child.
Every man is sexier with a dog.
Eclectic style.
Sexy scrub.

The hot mess look.

This weeks lesbian lick has always fasinated me. This pic below is an image that pops up in my dreams alot except I am Jennifer Aniston and there are more hot boys!
She is so girl-next-door.
With an honest and natural glowing beauty.
But oh...the sex appeal.
Raw and powerful.

And she's playful.
But serious too.
This girl is funny.
Pre-nose job.
AND she was married to Brad Pitt back when he was hot!
I have always loved this one.

She seems like the kind of girl I would be friends with.

Although she might tempt me into sampling the pink taco.
I don't know maybe I could control myself.
Yeah, probably not. I'm thinking she is going on my list of women to do if ever I decide to pinch hit for the other team!

Happy Monday!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."-- Albert Schweitzer

This Thanksgiving I have so much to be thankful for. The thing that stands out most in my mind is the people in my life. I would not be where I am today without them. Today I feel as if I need to acknowledge them and their part in who I am.

My parents: I am grateful to both of my parents for who they are as individuals. I appreciate their attempt at being a family and even more so, their decision to divorce. I am so glad that they taught me to be strong, independent and determined. I am actually grateful for their differences and arguing because it taught me a lot about what I don’t want and how I don’t want to be as well. Most of all I am grateful that, for the most part, they accept me for who I am with my faults and eccentricities alike.

My sister: Our life together has been quite a ride. We went from two little pawns stuck in the middle of our parents arguing to knowing that all we had was each other. We have had our ups and downs but I always known in the end she has my back and even though she doesn’t always see it, I always have her best interests at heart. She was a great example to me as a kid and she continues to inspire me today. I am also grateful for her wife who is a very kind and charismatic personality. She deals with my sister in a way that I have never seen anyone do before. She rocks!

My Mandy: How many people can say that they have had a best friend that has been by their side since birth? We are 6 months apart in age and that is the only 6 months of her life that she hasn’t known me. Manda will have her very own blog post very soon because there is just too much to say here. Her influence on my life has been overwhelming. She is one of the most peaceful, gentle and patient people that I know. If you asked me today who my soul mate is, I would tell you it is this fantastic woman.

The Theiligs: Manda’s parents and my 2nd parents. They were my first example of love, support and forgiveness. Seeing their family and the support that they all were to one another was a fantastic example to me of how a family should be. I have always been welcomed as family in their home and treated as one of their kids. I am grateful for the years of wisdom, love and influence of these 2 people in my life. They have also been a great source of spiritual healing and peace for me.

The Gramlich’s: They are the parents of my friend Leigh who died in a car accident in 2000. I lived with them briefly in high school. They took in a wayward girl because they saw promise. They also always loved me as their own. I learned what a real family dinner was under their roof. We had family meetings to discuss things that affected everyone which was just unheard of where I came from. The Gramlichs taught me about myself and digging deep within to find the true person that I was without all of the pain and embarrassment of my childhood. They gave me confidence, unconditional love and one of the very best friends a girl could ask for. We will always be connected by their daughters beautiful spirit and for that I am also eternally grateful.

My girls: Forgive me but I am going to shout out as many as I can here and now. To Dawn and Bri for the amazing high school times and continued friendship. There are certain memories and catch phrases that will live forever between us (Redheaded bulimic bitch from hell, to name one). To my grade school girls: Anna, Stacy, Lacey, Amanda and Joanna; you were there for the formative years. I have memories from those times that I will take with me forever and I am so glad to have found you all again. The reunion committee girls that have become a lifeline; we may not talk daily but I know you are there and I am grateful. Brooke, Gina, Nichole, Joanne, Meaghen…all of Leigh-Leigh’s girls; we share a bond and a loss that no one else quite understands. I am grateful that I have you in my life to continue sharing those memories and even my sadness sometimes. Laura (honorable mention to Joe, he’s my boy) has been an amazing friend over the past few years and a huge support to me throughout the CL saga. Nicole…there are so many of you but my single sister in crime! I am so thankful to have my girl Rachel back in my life after too long of a hiatus. I missed her and her freindship so much. I am also grateful that things are the same or better than before. She is a true soul sister to me as well.

My Culps peeps: You don’t work at a place off and on for 8 years and not make a few friends. My marriage to my gay hubby was born out of the pits of Culpeppers. Then I met my gay boyfriend, Aaron, which was a life changing experience. JL, Crystal and Mama Dawn; I spent hours talking about my life with you and listening to yours. We will always be family even after that shit hole is torn down and gone.

My Gays: OH, my gays! Of course, hubby Matt and boyfriend Aaron have been lifesavers over time. We spent many a drunken weekends at the club together. I have never had more fun in my life than when out with the perfect group of gays. That would include: Sean, Ryan, Bryan, Dean, Kris, Jeff and Mike and anyone else who will get on stage with me. Also to what I call my junior gays: Nick, Cameron, Keith: it has been a pleasure to watch you learn and grow. These boys have provided tons of laughs, much love and healthy doses of drama at just the right times.

My family members who are friends: Cousin Angie in Utah. We talk almost daily most of the time. We are very alike and VERY different but we both love and appreciate each other for those differences. Cousins Gene and Wendy, we lost touch for years but talking to them again is like no time was lost. They are still amazing people with genuine souls and I am grateful to have them back in my life.

My extended Facebook friends: The people who comment on my quotes, pep me up when I am down or just make me laugh with their antics. You have no idea how boring my job is sometimes. Seriously, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Oldies but goodies: Tina and Howie; solid friends for the past 20 years. They and their young brood of children used to serve as my birth control. Now all of their high school aged kid’s tower over me. We do not agree on a lot of things politically and otherwise but we can discuss our differences and respect our friendship and I appreciate that immensely.

My CSI peeps: Also worked there for the better part of 5 years. I left with the only thing worth anything and that was my friendships. Jennifer, Brandi, Melissa, Shannon, Monica, Heidi, Lisa, Brenda, Abbye…you know who you are. We don’t talk much but again we shared some good years of our lives and always just pick up where we left off. There were great guys too. I am so happy to have reconnected with Big Will (thanks FB), Kevin, Alex…again too many to name but you get the point.

My new friend Gina G. has been a huge support in the past 2 years. She just might be the best thing to come from CL.

Kari: My body double, pool companion and sister in crazy fro hair. Millions of laughs, a few tears and many a years of solid friendship; I am so grateful!

My girls at work: There are only 2 and they don’t even know about this blog but they provide so much support to my workday and my life. They aren’t afraid to discuss inappropriate things at inappropriate times and I love them for it.

My old bosses and opportunities: Some of you sucked, some of you didn’t. I am grateful for the experience and knowledge…oh, and the money!

I am also grateful for the hard times and hardships that make you able to appreciate the good. Life really is all about perspective. The first few weeks of this CL saga all I could see was what I had lost. Once I changed my perspective to see the many amazing people that were stepping up and showing me love I couldn’t help but see the silver lining. I am a lucky girl. This will all work out how it was meant to but in the meantime I am surrounded with some of the most wonderful people a girl could ask for. I love you all! Happy Turkey Day;-)

P.S. I may have forgotten a few people but anyone reading this has a place in my heart.

An original quote by Little T

Life just keeps throwing punches. You either learn to bob n' weave or you get knocked the fuck out!- Little T

Just had to document it.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Daddy issues

This whole thing with the Cowardly Lion recently has got me thinking about my male role model. Obviously your main male role model, if he is around, is your dad. I am a daddy’s girl. My daddy meant the whole world to me growing up. I wanted his love, his approval and his attention. My parent’s marriage was bad from pretty much the moment of my conception. My mom worked hard at being a mom while my dad worked hard and doing as little as possible. My mom did girl scouts, was room mother and made every effort in the rearing and raising of my sister. I guess she got burned out or pissed off, maybe both but I remember her telling my dad at probably 5 years old that I was his problem to deal with, she had taken care of the other one.
And so, that is how it started out, just my daddy and me. We joined Indian Princesses through the YMCA with my best friend and her dad. It was for just dads and daughters. This was the early 80’s at the start of the divorce boom and I think it was a way for dad’s to connect with their kids. We had date nights, a race day each year where we built our own cars to race. We had monthly meeting with other dad’s and daughter near us. I absolutely loved it. My dad’s Indian name was Dark Moon and I was Moonlight. We had vests with patches just like the scouts. My dad was even chief of the whole Indian nation one year!
Indian Princess is where I start this story because it was the beginning of the end for me. I was about 7 when my dad started petitioning the YMCA to allow mothers and sons to join the group. If divorce was ransacking father/daughter relationships it must be doing the same for mother/son, right? That is my dad, always thinking of others. I hope you can taste the sarcasm dripping off of that statement. My dad, as I have learned by now, is only ever out for himself. So he gets his way, a fresh crop of single moms and I get pawned off on my best friend and her dad for our father/daughter outings. MY dad is too busy boinking anything that will flash a smile at him so the father daughter bonding is lost on him. About 6 months into what is now a dirty adulterous affair with a mom from group, I overhear my dad on the phone with her one night after I am supposed to be in bed. I think I know who it is. I know something is going on (my mother is not quiet in her late night insinuations). And then he asks about her son who I know. There it is; my confirmation. I carried this burden with me for months. My parents hated each other as it was. If my mom found out he was skating on his fatherly duties to bang hoes things were not going to be well. My mom did eventually find out although I am not sure how. She also found out I knew about it which I am also unsure of how. I felt her disappointment in me. She was in a rage and lashing out at anyone in her way. I happened to be home.
Fast forward a few years later, post divorce (I know it’s shocking but the family fell apart after that) and I have chosen to stay with my dad and my mom has moved out. My sister left for college around this time so there was a heavy sense of abandonment on my part. Since my dad was dating during his marriage, it was no shock that he continued after its demise. We had rules once my mom left though. I could be open about my opinions and distaste. I think he knew how wrong he was to subject me to that because he did actually value my opinion on the subject at that time. The rule was that I didn’t care where he went or what/who he did but I was not to wake up to anyone in my house. I remember this conversation like yesterday. He was getting ready for a date and I just busted this out. I was 12 years old. When his date arrived (in her Gloria Vanderbilt painted on jeans) I informed her of the rule as well. I was not holding back. I knew my father did not respect her. I felt as if she did not respect herself so I made it very clear that I did not respect her. This was truly my example of a man growing up. He said nothing about my disrespect to his date and he did respect my request.
Fast forward a few more years and I take a summer trip to see some family in Utah. I am gone a total of 2 weeks. By the time I board the plane my dad has met a new woman that he is gushing over when I call to tell him I have arrived. They spend the entire 2 weeks that I am gone together. When I arrive home from my trip our bachelor pad has been converted into a cougar’s den. We now had cloth napkins with napkin rings. The towels in the bathroom matched the curtain. There was new furniture, new smells and this new woman, of course. I won’t bare too many details here because this new woman is now my step mother of 15 years. She is a dear woman who probably deserves better than my dad will ever be. The fact of the matter is that she was married, still living with her husband and dating someone else in California. My dad was recently divorced, broke and losing his grip on reality. The first night I was home my dad came to ask if it was ok if his future wife stayed the night. She found it odd that he would ask. I found it necessary to let her know who was in charge. I was never asked again about her staying over. She was a staple very soon. She moved in and within a few months I moved out. I never lived with my dad again. I think I was 13 when I finally packed up and moved along. Our relationship was strained for sure.
From this point forward my dad ceased being a dad for the most part. He checked out for lack of a better term. His wife and his life were more important and he actually wrote that in a birthday card to me years ago. This man had been my lifeline. I stayed with him when my mom left. I was by his side through all of the whores, the unemployment, and the lack of food, money or resources. It was just me and him. At 15 I moved in with a friend and her parents. At 16 I lived with my stepmother’s brother. By 17 I was living with my sister and just before my 18th birthday I moved in with my boyfriend. I WAS STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL. My dad never said a word. I think I was testing him. He failed and so did I. What I should have been worried about was what I thought and where I thought I was going but at the time all I could think about was how much dear old dad didn’t care.
This same father did not speak to my sister from her early 20’s until maybe 5 years ago and then again for the past 3 years. The reasons are not good enough and I bet if you asked him he honestly couldn’t tell you why he checked out on his own daughter. He missed out on her first college graduation and her 1st wedding during that first long stretch away. They did eventually reconnect for a short time. Her marriage ended and my dad was not a great support. A while later, my sister announced her marriage to SIL and daddy flipped his lid, he refused to give his daughter away to another woman. His excuse was that he was a Vietnam veteran. WTF? What does that have to do with loving your daughter? Then he tried to use GOD. A God he has no relationship with, a God that he mocks and a book he has never read. Really? His absence at BOTH of my sister’s weddings has secured the fact that he will not have the opportunity to give me away should I get married someday. I have a brother, a gay husband and too many girl friends to allow him that honor. Ultimately I realized that it wasn’t my sister marrying a woman (who loves and respects her more than any man ever did, btw) it was the fact that daddy didn’t have control anymore. He is not equipped with the skills to express himself or his feelings so he shuts down. Does anyone see a coincidence here????????
Cowardly Lion was (I thought) the only person in the world that could just shut off his emotions, love and heart like he does. However, after closer examination on my life I realize that I have dealt with this in one form or another since I was a kid. I always knew in the back of my mind that if I didn’t please my dad there was a risk of him not loving me or approving of me. My first act of rebellion against him was leaving my ex fiancé whom my father adored. He called him Boy Wonder and he believed that was true. This boy could do no wrong in daddy’s eyes. The ex didn’t work steadily, he was a label whore that couldn’t afford the label and we weren’t a good match. Period. It took a lot of self analysis and the loss of one of my very best friends to make me see that life was too short to live it for others. I decided to leave my fiancé. I got my own place and I told my family. My father thought it was a mistake. He shunned me. He didn’t help me move. He didn’t speak to me for a while. He continued his relationship with my ex and that hurt me but there was nothing I could do.
I picked myself up and brushed myself off like I always do. My dad didn’t like anyone I dated after my ex fiancé. He hated the Cowardly Lion. I think he hated not being able to control what I did. After CL and I broke up last year my dad was relentless in his attack of him. Needless to say he was non-to-pleased when we got back together just 1 month later. He was never nice to CL, let alone cordial. Most of the time, I felt like he went out of his way to not be nice. I saw my dad with CL probably 4 times in the last year. I probably only saw him another 5 or so without CL. That is 9 times the whole year. #1 dad actually sent me a text message (no phone call) for my birthday and never returned the calls I placed to him the week before for his birthday. Oddly it was the same as the boyfriend of 2 years ignoring it completely. Hmmm…
Is it so hard to see how I fell for a completely emotionally unattached fuckwit? I was driving in my car the other day thinking my frequent thought as of late, “how can someone just completely check out on those that they love? How can you just shut it down one day and act as if you never loved or cared for that person?” It seemed so insane to me My dad is a cowardly lion too. Perhaps this is why I was drawn to CL and his ways? I have consciously always stayed away from men like my dad (for obvious reasons) but it seems I missed my mark with CL. What is even worse at this point is that I am starting to recognize how messed up I am because of the things I saw at such a young age. When you are subject to infidelity from a source that should be one of trust and love IT FUCKS YOU UP! No wonder I was so controlling in my early relationships. I was trying to be the strongest and take charge so that what happened to my mom wouldn’t happen to me. I was actually BEING my dad. Once I saw that and moved forward I allowed people to hurt me in ways that I shouldn’t have because I believed in their love. I see now that I was overcorrecting. I stayed too long in too many relationships. I was the sad lonely girl looking for love in all of the wrong places. After years of being single and figuring out what I wanted, CL seemed like the perfect fit. I was blinded by the love and maybe so into the idea of love that I didn’t consider my situation from all angles. I knew what I wanted and I guess I was going to make him into that. We all know how that works out. Someone is either what you want or they aren’t. I never wanted to be with anyone that was anything like my dad. This is all food for thought and future at this point but what an ah-ha moment for me!

UPDATE: I guess it could be worse:,27574,26388459-401,00.html

420 on MI

As promised I am back to discuss more highlights of my weekend getaway with my sister to the great north. I must preface this post by saying that my sister has made some amazing friends in Michigan over the past few years. Her wife works for a local retail chain that she transferred to from St. Louis when they moved there. SIL (sister-in-law) has met many people from her job as has my sister from school. They are really great people, all that I met anyway. On their last visit back to MI a few weeks back it was decided that they would take the house off of the market and rent it to the neighbor’s elderly mother. All of the neighbors are a tight knit group. The couple whose mother will be moving in currently lives across the street from my sister. The woman from the couple used to live 2 houses down from my sister (same side of the street) and when her future husband moved in across the way she moved with him leaving her house vacant. The vacant house, 2 doors down from my sister, was purchased by 420 a few years back. The couple, 420, the guy on the corner and my sis and her wife all gets along well. They are true neighbors each looking out for one another.
420 is an old hippy stoner. There is no question about this when you see her although she did feel the need to let me in on this fact within moments of being introduced. See 420 was an integral part of the arrangement for the neighbors mom to move in. She actually had come over to pick up the keys and the lease to pass along. She knows everyone in the neighborhood and it worked out nicely for everyone that the house will be occupied and the neighbors will be close to their mom. So while my sister is working out the lease agreement and key situation for 420 to pass along to the neighbor’s mom, 420 and I have a chance to chat. She did not know me from Adam. I could have been a fellow stoner or DEA at this point, she didn't know.
I won't go into too much detail about her personal life but she was a very interesting lady. She is probably between 50 and 60 years old. She has grown children and lives alone. She has a "man friend" that she uses strictly for sex. He's cute but older and set in his ways so it works out well for them both (her words, not mine). She has a great job with benefits and a wonderful pension. She also has a side job. She is in the process of setting up a grow space for "personal use only" smoke. She went through the entire rundown of her operation with me. I did not ask many questions as I was frankly very shocked that we had just met and she was spilling all of this on me. She threw her poor son-in-law under the bus too. He is coaching her and showing her the ropes. I am not sure she has any idea what she is in for. She talked about the process, the cost, the lighting and a little about the fruits of her efforts. It sounded to me like way more than one person could possibly have for "personal use" but who am I to judge?
I have always been one to live on the edge. I think we all know that I do enjoy partaking in the herbal xanax. I have friends that have openly discussed taking this insanely huge risk to grow their own and I have always discouraged them. I think that marijuana laws will change soon. With my crohn's disease I will be one of the first in line for a script and I will take all pride in my insurance covering my "medication". That being said, until that day comes the risk is just not worth it to me.
However, should I change my mind I know that I have a mentor of sorts to turn to. I will admit that I was a little peeved that we had to have this long rather strange conversation while I should have been doing something way more productive to help my sister. I did get quite a few laughs out of it and the expression on my sister's face was priceless throughout. 420 is an extremely nice lady who was doing a great thing for my sister. I did eventually tell 420 that I was indeed a partaker of the goods which lead to a strange conversation about Amsterdam somehow. In the end though what really got me is that for all of the talk of crystals and red hairs...she never once brought me a sample. I saw her twice after this encounter and each time I hoped that she would pull out a little taster but she never did. I guess that is why you only hear of Southern hospitality! Boo hoo…

Monday, November 23, 2009

Man Candy Monday

Today our sweet treat for Monday is non other than Australian born actor Simon Baker.

I don't know who these boys are but that is Simon on the left!

I am not usually a fan of rough and tough scruff but it's ok on him.

I first met him back in 2006 when he did the movie Something New.

How could you resist that smile?

And that wet t-shirt!

He dresses up nicely too!

He reminds me of Ben McKenzie from OC here. Love him as well.

I found a semi-nudy!

This week's lesbian lick was a suggestion from one of my sister's straight friends. I don't know how I didn't think of it sooner as I think she is SUPER hot! I give you South African born Charlize Theron!

I have always loved her!

She can change her look to anything.

The sexy vixen comes naturally.

I loved her in the Italian Job


Just a beauty.

Interesting fact: Charlize was discovered in an LA bank trying to cash a check from her mother. She had no money, no job and she went off on the bank teller. The man standing behind her was her future acting agent.

She is a humanitarian too which is also damn sexy.

And she loves the gays: "We came up with a new idea that we said that we would get married the day that gays and lesbians can get married - when that right is given to them. We've decided that we're gonna use that in a positive way, so the day that law gets passed then we'll get married."

She stands up for women's rights...

Animal rights

Abortion rights

Democracy now!

AND she runs her own outreach program in Africa!

Plus she is an amazing actress! Anyone seen Monster?

It is a good Monday when you can't decide if the man or woman got you more worked up!

They were both mighty fine picks!
And even I am speachless!
Happy Monday!