Thursday, April 29, 2010

"Mr. Speaker, our Nation depends on immigrants' labor, and I hope we can create an immigration system as dependable as they are."~Luis Gutierriz

Aren’t we all immigrants?

Liberty and Justice FOR ALL, huh? Really?

Has anyone thought about what this Arizona immigration law could lead to?

How many Hispanic American citizens will lose their businesses because their LEGAL CITIZEN patrons are scared to leave their homes for fear of police or government interference with their life?

What about all of the jobs that the Americans are too good to do that WE brought illegal Mexicans here to do 20 years ago?

What about the American citizens of mixed decent that will be unjustly terrorized for this?

Is it really ok now for the US Government to detain people for absolutely no reason?

This law could be in effect as early as August, IF it passes the proper channels. (PrayingtoBabyJesusthatdoesnothappen)

I, for one, will never visit Arizona again.

I say the supporters should be the first to be implanted with the new government tracking chip.

Let the government track their every move.

Let’s see how they like it…

Fat America

I am fired up today and I am blogging it out. I am so tired of fat people who do nothing but whine and cry about how fat they are. I might piss some people off with this post and I rather hope I do. At least that would mean that the subject is important to others. I understand that both health and genetics take part in many weight issues. I am skinny partly because of my Crohn’s Disease. I don’t think that health issues can always be an excuse though, and certainly not the whole excuse. Just like I have to adhere to a certain diet to maintain my disease, others are responsible to do the same.

Why is it that you mostly see the fat people taking the elevator but the skinny people take the stairs? I find this a lot at my new job. Why do fat people ride in carts at stores when they need the exercise more than any of us? I don’t want to hear the old “bad knee” excuse either because their knees would be fine if it weren’t for the extra hundreds of pounds that some are carrying. Then they want a handicapped sticker for their bad knees and big lazy asses. These are the same folks who starve themselves on a diet only to cave to a soda and candy bar half way through the day. As you can see, I am pretty disgusted. These people are raising Fat America. Eating habits as a child most definitely carry into adult life. I was only recently able to break my family tradition of Velveeta cheese dip as a meal. I understand these things can be hard but I am tired of the whining.

These are the same people who exclaim “oh, you are so skinny”, “how do you stay so skinny?”, “why would you walk in this heat?”, “you eat tofu?”, “are you going to waste all of that food?” I could go on and on. I used to be offended at being called skinny. After all, skinny is connected to sickness. But guess what? I am skinny. I accept it. I work every day to maintain my weight but I will most likely always be how I am. I can accept someone being overweight if they make an effort to be healthy. If they are not eating ice cream and drinking soda all day long, complaining about how fat they are. Just for fun, I am going to answer some of those ridiculous questions though. Sometimes I want to answer people when they ask but my response might sound as shallow as their question.

1. “Oh, you are so skinny” (not a question but I’m gonna address it)---I am thin. I do have Crohn’s disease but I also have a very healthy lifestyle and diet. I take care of myself as best as I can and I think I look fantastic compared to where I have been in the past.

2. “How do you stay so skinny”---I eat pretty healthy. I do eat all of the time but small snacks, not huge meals. I like rice cakes, soy beans, nuts, fruit and cheese to snack on (not gonna lie, I eat crap but I am good most of the time)

3. “Why would you walk in this heat?---Well, I enjoy walking and hiking immensely. I feel at one with nature, spirits and myself so it is more like therapy to me than exercise because I CHOOSE FOR IT TO BE.

4. “You eat tofu?”---I not only eat it, I like it. However, I have no idea how to cook it. Changing my eating habits came as a result of my Crohn’s but I could not be happier. I feel healthier and I am getting way more protein without all of the hormones and bacteria. (Eat that fatty!) I would choose a veggie dog or black bean burger over the real thing any day.

5. “Are you going to waste all of that food”- Noooooooo…because small meals are how I roll, I will wrap it up and take it home for later. If something is good enough I have been known to eat it 5-6 consecutive meals in a row. I eat to live, I don’t live to eat. (Shout out to Koli from The Biggest Loser, although I mixed his words, he said “these people are eating to live and we are living to eat.” Profound to me, I tell you.)

There is a reason I feel so passionate about this; my old roommate, Sarah, has been a big girl her whole life. Living together was an eye opening experience for us both in regard to food. We both noticed little things that were different about our eating habits and we were not afraid to discuss it. I will put something down after having taken just a few bites if I am done with it. In Sarah’s house growing up that was wasteful and you could not be wasteful. She had a twin brother who was rather sickly so it was her job to finish what he did not eat. At first she was very bothered by what she considered to be my waste but then she realized that I really do eat most things later. And if I didn’t, my attitude was, “oh, well, it’s just food.” One night I bought a box of Entenmann’s crumble top donuts, triple chocolate; the big box. I ate one and went to bed. When I woke up the next morning the box was in the trash. Sarah had gotten up in the middle of the night and eaten all of the donuts. That thought never even crossed my mind. I can barely eat one. I had to ask her what made her do it and for a long time, she didn’t have an answer. When we talked later she said that as a kid growing up with 5 kids in the house you had to fight for your food. In her house, if you liked something, you had better eat it all because it would not be there when you came back. I just could not fathom what she was telling me. I had 1 sister and we had different tastes so this was all new for me.

Sarah and I got hooked on The Biggest Loser shortly after that. We would sing the theme song (“What have you done today to make you feel proud?”) and I could see in her eyes that she wanted to try to start losing weight. She used to get the classic, “oh, but you are so pretty in the face” all of the time. Pretty-in-the-face- Sarah started Weight Watchers (we affectionately refer to it as “dub dub”) about a year and a half ago. She is down 85 pounds and holding. She has drastically changed her eating habits and gets way more exercise now. I am so proud of her. She recognized that she can control it and it feels good to do so. She has always been a very happy person and many people like her. The best thing for me is to see how much she likes herself now. I would love to see more of the world take on a Sarah attitude.

This all started because I was behind a very large woman at work today as she shuffled to the elevator and I was trying to go around her to the stairs. She made it down before I did and I could hear her breathing and feel the friction from her thighs rubbing together as we walked. It happens all of the time, unfortunately. I think most frequently I see the fat person in the cart bit. That one really gets me. Today was just the day I had to blow.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

An attitude of gratitude

Ahhhh, Sunday morning, welcome back. You are like a long hug from an old friend. Maybe it is because this is my only day to sleep in and do what I want each week. I have work Monday-Friday and a full day of school on Saturday so Sunday is MY day. I woke up rather early today after having fallen asleep on the couch from a Xanax induced coma last night. I had a headache, my back was hurting and I just needed to chill. That is exactly what I did. I had a great IM chat with my gay husband via Facebook. Unbelievable that we were both home and on the computer on a Saturday night but also a sign of us growing up. Back in the day we would have watched the sun come up together as we exited the club. Oh, how things change.

Somehow today I was the first one up in the house. Ferg has the kids this weekend and that usually means the little one is screaming and banging shit on the floor at ungodly hours. Not today. I got up, went to the grocery store and came back to a still sleeping house at 9:30am. When they did get up they ate, changed and headed out the door. This is unusual for Sunday so I asked where they were going. Ferg's answer: "To church, there is a lot to be grateful for lately" Indeed, there is, my friend. I had just been down in my dungeon apartment contemplating that same thing. I have compiled a list for your viewing pleasure. Every once in a while it is nice to do a mental check of what you have and be grateful. One of my favorite Sheryl Crow songs says it all "It's not having what you want; it's wanting what you've got". So here goes...

I am grateful for all of the basic things that we don't really think about much: food, clean water (some don't have water at all), my health and that of my family, a place to live, a job to work at and lots of amazing people in my life

I am grateful for my spirit guides who have been on one hell of a ride with me for the past 6 months. I always feel their guidance and love and I am finally learning to LISTEN.

I am grateful that my sister is back from school. I am grateful that we are close again. I am grateful that she has found the love of her life and is truly happier than I can ever remember her being.

I am grateful that I made the effort to talk to my dad and my expectations of him are almost gone completely. I have accepted that he is what he is and that is best for us all.

I am grateful for my old friends as well as the new ones who have supported and loved me more than I probably deserved sometimes. I am truly blessed to have so many long and deep friendships with so many fantastic people.

I am grateful for my new job and the sense of security that has come with it. I have great co-workers and that is half of the battle with a job as far as I am concerned.

I am grateful for my 31 year friendship with Manda and the sisterhood that has formed from it. I would not be the person that I am without her constant positive attitude and influence.

I am grateful for all of my extended families. Leigh's parents, the Gramlich's and Manda's parents, the Theilig's. I don't think they have any idea how much a part of me that they are.

I am grateful to have loved and lost. I think I am ready to date again. I know that kissing all of these toads is going to make finding my prince that much sweeter.

I am grateful for Ferg and my living situation. I wasn't sure when I moved in how it was going to go and I don't think he was either. We work really well together. I have lived with many very good girlfriends. This is the first guy I have lived with that I was not dating and it is my best living situation yet.

I am grateful for my Bo Bo dog. My constant companion and friend. I can't believe he will be 7 this year. Time flies, for sure.

I am so grateful to CL for being a coward and releasing me from the prison that was that relationship. It is funny how much you don't see until you are free.

I am grateful for school. Not just for the education and the experience but for the lesson in life and culture that I am getting. I should have done this years ago.

I am grateful for my mom and the lessons she taught me about independence, self reliance and strength of character.

I am grateful to this blog for giving me a place to vent and also a way to meet many amazing people that I otherwise would not have met.

I am grateful to myself for having the knowledge and strength to do what I want, when I want and not look back. I could not be more proud of me right now.

I am sure there is more but I am ready to go enjoy my ME day. Happy Sunday to all!

Peace and Love,

Friday, April 23, 2010

Yo Viv, babe!

I woke up today thinking of you
I felt you with me, so I know you were thinking of me too

Today you would have turned 31
I can’t help but reflect on our memories and fun

So many times we laughed until we cried
It always felt good to have my best girl by my side

You took me in when I had no place to go
You showed me what home was; and you all loved me so

It is hard to believe that 10 years has passed by
I don’t see our girls much but oh, how we try!

We are forever connected by you in this life
I wish you could see each fantastic mommy and wife

Your parents are still the gift that they always were
Your other buddies are good too; the ones with the fur

You have Pop Sickels now, with you
I can’t imagine the reunion last week between you two

Everyone is well and taking care if each other
Especially the glue that holds us, your awesome mother

I miss you like hell, each and every day
Even though we are together in our own special way

I will celebrate this weekend, in honor of your day
Knowing that someday again we will laugh and play

I might even go crazy and pick up a boy
In honor of our little streak of joy

Happy Birthday, my friend

I love you

Sunday, April 18, 2010

"Put that in your blog and smoke it"

I am so glad that the week has come to an end. I am looking forward to Monday for a fresh start. How sad is that? Life has just been a nauseating rolling coaster lately. This is going to have to be a full week recap so settle in with a beverage and enjoy my crazy life. On Monday I saw my dad for the first time since Christmas. It is crazy that he used to be my best friend and now I feel like I don't even know who he is. I was THE daddy's girl growing up. It took me until my teens to see my dad for the womanizing pig that he really is. Through my 20's I struggled with my idea of him and what I knew him to be. Recently I have realized at 31 years old that I don't have to deal with his shit like I did when I was 12 and my mom had left. I don't have to stroke his ego. I don't have to make excuses for the downright ridiculous and bigoted things he says. (Yes Me, queen of the underdogs, was raised by a bigot) I don't have to hide his affairs or lie about where he is. I don't have to school this grown man on what is right and wrong anymore. Let that be his wife's job. I did my fair share of trying to raise him and I am finished. I was recently writing a letter about my strained relationship with my dad and I realized that he has not changed, I have. He is still a womanizing bigot. He still gives a compliment and takes it away in the same breath. He still plays mind games and fucks with people just for fun. I am the one that does not engage anymore. I won't talk about my sister which is a subject of contention. They didn't speak for almost 8 years after she went to college. During that time, he would ask about her and I would tell him what was going on. When he stopped talking to her again 4 years ago, I stopped telling him anything. She graduated law school, moved back to the Lou and began practicing law in the same municipality that he works in and he didn't hear it from me. Oh, he was pissed. My dad also likes to gossip about all of my friends and old friends. Because the things I have said in the past somehow make it back to people very skewed, I have chosen to not engage in this little game either. It leaves us with little to talk about since dad and his wife don't leave their house. My old roomy, Sarah, came for dinner. I almost think my dad liked it better when we were not getting along and he could pit us against each other. I felt like conversation at dinner was strained. It was weird to be there, honestly. I reached out to him because we hadn't spoken in months. It will probably be another few months if I don't make all of the effort and that pisses me off. I love him. He's my dad. But sometimes I really don't like him.

Tuesday night I had plans to walk at the local park. They have a lake with a path that is 3.7 miles around. I picked up Bo after work and met my friend Nicole at the park. We made it 1/4 of a mile and I stopped to go to the bathroom. When I came out I realized my keys were not in my pocket. We turned around and retraced our steps but did not see them on the ground. We walked back to the car in hopes that I left them there. No such luck. We walked the path again and no keys. Nicole drove around in her car to find a ranger after that while I chilled with Bo. No ranger, no keys...fuck! Nicole is one of the cleanest people I know. I hated to put my 110 pound horse dog in her car but there was no choice. Nicole drove us home to get my spare set and we dropped off Bo. Then back to the park for my car and I insisted on buying dinner for Nicole. She refused until she remembered that the bar LOST her debit card on Saturday and she was at my mercy:-) They did find and return her card, btw. AND our tab was free, obviously! Sadly, I was not so lucky with my keys. I called the park and the police the next day and they assured me they will contact me if they find them. I had a mini breakdown over it and then I was fine. They are just keys.

Wednesday I took a ride out to my mom's in the country with my sister. She and her wife go to Mexico each year for their anniversary (I know, sappy ass gays) and my mom and aunt were watching her dog, Marilyn. It was a fun ride just hanging with my sissy. She was fired up about many things that have her panties in a bunch lately. She mostly will not let me blog about her life as indicated here. Anyhoodle, she was all fired up about something (I honestly don't remember what) and she says, "yeah, so put that in your blog and smoke it", hence the AWESOME headline! Every once in a while she comes out with a doozy. So we had dinner in the country with my mom, aunt and the cheating, lying, no good bastard my mother is legally tied to at the moment (more on that later, I think I am ready to tell all) and then we promptly headed home. My sister was leaving for Mexico Friday at the asscrack of dawn and needed to pack still.

Thursday was my first chill night at home in weeks. Life has just been go, go, go lately and I needed a minute to regroup. I had papers for school to write, laundry to be done and Facebooking to be caught up on. It was actually an excellent night for all of that. My shows (Greys Anatomy and Private Practice) were repeats, which bummed me out but forced me to do something else so it worked out.

Friday my sister called at 4am and I answered "what do you want?" I had agreed to drive her, the wife and their pocket gay to the airport at stupid o'clock that morning. She said "I want a ride to the airport, bitch. Get up!" It was hell. I'm not gonna lie. I am not a morning person but the STL International airport is 10 minutes from my house so I always end up being the airport shuttle bitch. Although, good gifts usually return to me from exotic locations for payment! We will see how good this gift is before I forgive 4am. Friday night I exercised restraint and stayed away from the many offers I had to drink. I came home and did school work. I was very proud of myself!

Saturday I had class. I was a bit pissy in the morning for some reason. In my 2nd class we are doing a group project so no class; just meet with your group. That was quick and painless. I met my girl Nicole at my house at 2 and we drove out to Illinois to a bar called Fast Eddie's. It is good, cheap bar food and people drive from the surrounding states to eat and drink there. My friend, Gina, was celebrating her birthday. The weather was awesome and they have a fantastic patio. We hung out until around 6ish and headed back to the MO. My roomy's brother was celebrating his birthday so we stopped by for a drink and a hello. We managed to drink from 3 until midnight without really getting drunk or crazy, which is amazing when Nicole and I are teamed up. I was really proud of us!

Today is starting as a lazy and leisurely day. I have a going away party at 4 for a friend. Then at 7:30 I agreed to sub on another friends' sand volleyball team. I know it will be fun but Sunday is MY day. I like to chill and do what I want. I don't really want to be getting home at 10 tonight but I already told her I would do it so I'm screwed. I think I am going to pull myself out of my comfy robe and slippers and go Goodwill shopping and run some fun errands today. That will make me feel better about no chill time tonight. I have a few new books that I have been looking forward to starting too so I need to get on that.

Some news of note this week:

President Obama signed a bill making it ok for same sex couples to visit each other in the hospital as well as make medical decisions for one another! This is a huge step for equality!

Melissa and Tammy Lynn Etheridge
split. I subscribe to Tammy's blog so I knew before it made headlines. That makes me sad.

Flights over Europe were suspended due to
volcanic ash.

Larry King somehow managed to
schtoop his beautiful and much younger wife's sister. WTF?

The Polish president and many important figures died in a place crash.

One of my favorite shows, Ugly Betty, had it's series finalle (sad face here) BUT talks are on to make it a
movie! I love Justin, the young gay nephew Betty has. They must revive this!

I think that is the full week wrapped up in this one pretty little blog. I hope you all have a fantastic Sunday and rest of your week. I promise to try to be a better blogger in the future!

Peace and Love,

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Easter Update

This working and blogging thing is for the birds. Can someone please just pay me to blog and read celebrity smut all day, please? Anyhoodle, Easter Sunday was an amazing day! It was sunny and almost 70 degrees in the Lou. My mom lives way out in the country on 5 acres of land that connect to my aunts 5 acres. Mom has a creek that runs through her backyard so we usually take a walk and enjoy the outdoors. I decided to take Bo with me because I hate to leave him home and he loves to run like a wild man. It has been a long time since he went to mom's with me. He is not allowed in the house so most dogs get tied to a tree on a chain when we are not outside. I tried a little something new this time. We ran and played for a while and then I went in the back door which is off of the deck. It was fully shaded and I left the sliding door open with the screen closed so he could still hear and see me. Bo laid at the backdoor all during Easter lunch and any other time that we were not outside with him. He was so good. My sister's dog will take off like a crazy woman if she is not on a leash. Bo had no interest in leaving me. He usually doesn't so I can't say I am totally surprised but after that display of control, Bo will be joining me any place that allows dogs from now on. He weighs as much, if not more than I do so controlling him has always scared me a bit. He does great on walks and now I know he is good in the open country too.

My mom's neighbors have 1 big horse and one of those little mini pony things. Bo was intrigued but I kept saying no so he would back off. After a while I felt like a parent keeping their kid from fun so I told him to go check them out.
He was super slow moving at first.
Nice and easy so nobody gets hurt.
This was the closest that he managed to get. That little pony is mean so it is probably a good thing.
Me and my main man.
The ladies of the family: Aunt Gloria, Mama n' Bo, Cousin Theresa, Cher and Jen

Bo Bo loving the creek
Suspect to anyone else? I am not 100% sure but mom's needs to make a call. She has lots of this growing by the creek.
Trying mom's hats on

My liver's letter of resignation

Dear Stupid-Ass Wasted Hot Mess of a Drunk,

When you talk all day about how you are not going to drink, I can only assume that I have the night off. When you opted for the 1st vodka and Red Bull on Friday I thought you were just being social. After all, Saturday you have school and you are way too responsible to not do as you say and go home early to rest. You can see then why I was so shocked when you ordered 2, 3, and then 4 more. I started to kick you from within to let you know I did not appreciate getting called in at such late notice. Did that stop you? Did it even slow you down? Oh, hell no! You went to another bar and continued to drink until 3 am! I kept you up most of the night to teach you a lesson. I know your day at school was rough. I was unrelenting in my anger yesterday afternoon and into the evening.

So here is my big question, and then I will go. Why, you stupid bitch, why, did you start back with the vodka and Red Bull just a few hours later? Why did you disregard my hurt and pain and continue on with your destruction? You insulted the bar owner, almost fought a gang of people because you were stupid and let one of your best friends motorboat you, just for the hell of it. Not only that but you continued to drink through all of the dancing and mayhem. Just to prove that you have absolutely no sense, you went to yet another bar where the bartender is also a very good friend and completed your mission of fucking me up royally.

I have tried to be good to you over the years. Your early 20's were a nightmare but I survived. Never did I think in all of my years with you that you would be so out of control at 31 years old. You should be ashamed of yourself and you might need some help. Fuck you, bitch, I'm out.


Yo Liva

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Not so speedy delivery

I got a call from my girl Manda in Colorado last night. Right away she asked for my correct address. I told her and she said "shit". Apparently Manda made me a nice homemade gift like she does frequently and mailed it off last week. The problem? She mailed it to to CL's house by mistake! She asked me for his number so she could call him and ask for him to send it back to her so she could send it to me. She is so sweet, always the glass half full type of girl, but he is the Cowardly Lion. I had serious doubts that he would answer his phone or call her back. After thinking over calling him, Manda called me back, seriously doubting that if he did answer or call back that he would be willing to mail the package back to her so she could mail it to me. I told her I doubted he would engage but if so to just instruct him to give the package to our mutual friend Gina and I would get it from her. I then texted Gina to inform her as well as apologize for dragging her into it.

Gina called me this afternoon. She called CL herself this morning and offered to go get my package. She had seriuos doubts about him responding to Manda too. He told her he has more stuff of mine (Mail, clothes, chipped off pieces of my broken heart? I digress.) and he offered to drop it all off to Gina tomorrow. I am really in shock. I mean the guy had already proven himself to be in the catagory of the lowest of the low so I wasn't expecting anything at all. I guess it is nice to know that he does have a little shred of decency left. Kind of sad but also noteworthy, when I told Gina I was shocked that he had a decent bone left in his body she told me not to get excited until my stuff is in her possession. That speaks volumes to what kind of friend and person CL has been to her.

Anystupidfuckwadsnotworthit, I will photograph and post my new homemade gift from Manda when it arrives as it is sure to rock! Oh, and she updated my address in her address book so this won't happen ever again. It is all really very funny actually.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Greener pastures?

There is that old saying; you know "they" say whoever they are, that the grass is always greener on the other side. I have experienced envy in my life so I do understand this concept completely. However, it no longer applies here for some reason. Maybe with age has come wisdom but I can now see both the struggles and triumphs for most situations. I know this is shocking to those of you who don't know me IRL but I was a relationship girl up until my early 20's. From junior high through high school and beyond, I was always jumping from relationship to relationship. Not learning much about myself in between. After years of off and on with Sam, I decided to take a break. It was SO hard at first. I was used to having someone there all of the time and then there was no one. I was lonely, sad, mad and confused. I realized that I wrapped myself up in those other people and their lives as I jumped from relationship to relationship to keep filling the void left by the preceding mate. Once I really became one with singlehood I started to see the benefits of it. I do what I want, when I want. I don't consider anyone else's thoughts, wants, needs or opinions. If I don't want to do something, I don't. There is no guilt, sadness or pressure from someone else. I used to look at other couples during my single time and sort of covet what they had. Once you look a bit deeper you see what they truly have and unfortunately a lot of the time that leaves me wanting. A lot of people are downright miserable. Most relationships are an example of what I do NOT want or would never put up with. The grass is not greener in this case. It is actually a dying muddy pit. I know that when the right person comes along I will want to give up my single life to make a life with them. I see good relationships and I won't settle for less.

I do know many great marriages as well. My friend, Anna, has a fantastic husband. I do not envy. I do not covet. But I am making a list. Yes, a list, qualities in my future husband. Anna's husband, N, is my example of how I want to be treated. For her 30th birthday he bought her 30 gifts and didn't stop there. He made a fun game where you throw duck's (leftover from the Christmas duck pond) into numbered plastic solo cups. Whatever number you hit, you got to give Anna the corresponding gift. Everyone got to play when they came in. It kept the party exciting as there was a new gift with each arrival. It wasn't huge stuff that he bought (there were 30 gifts!) but they were thoughtful things that she likes like chocolate, little gift cards and coupons for home cooked meals. That is what I want. Like I said though, I am not jealous. I am elated for Anna that she found such a great man. I have known her since grade school and I don't know many people who deserve happiness as much as she does. I have told her before how great her husband is and that his qualities made my list. I am sure she is proud.

My friend Laura's hubby, Joe, is also Aces in my book. Joe makes my list because of his patience. I want a man who does not freak out when I freak out and Joe is stellar at this. He is patient, calm and loving most of the time. He has his moments as we all do but for the most part Joe is the calm in the storm. He loves Laura and their baby more than life. He is just a great guy all around and it warms my heart to see their little family coming together. These are not the only happy marriages I know, just 2 of the top qualities on my list for my future mate. I could make pages and pages of lists of what I don't want and many friends husbands fit in there too. I will not name them (although I would love to, F'n POS's).

The grass is still not greener to me. I love these girls and their husbands but I am perfectly content where I am. Perhaps it is because I see so many unhappy relationships that I feel this way. I was forcing things with CL and I am not surprised it didn't work. I know many people who are forcing relationships/marriage with the wrong people and they are having disastrous results. You know who they are. Everyone has them. I have seen both sides of this pasture and I can assure you the grass is indeed greener my way.

Babies, kids and teens are the same. I know women whose uterus is just aching for a child. I am not one of them. It is not secret that motherhood scares the shit out of me. It would be the biggest challenge of my life, should I choose to accept it. I love my little mommy friends. I have friends who had kids young and now have teenagers. I am not speaking of anyone specifically here so don't ask me who but most people seem more worried about their own party lives than what their teens are up to. They are in their early 30's. They missed out on childhood because they were raising children and now they want what they want. I want to be engaged in my kids and if that means waiting until I am ready, so be it. Other pals have little bitty babies up to grade school age. They don't sleep, they are up to their elbows in poop and they sometimes have a hard time switching from baby talk to talking to another adult. They say they are overjoyed by motherhood and I know some of them are. Some people were just meant to be mommies. Others do nothing but complain, all the while talking about what a joy it is, absolutely no green grass there. I sleep through the night every night. I can take a nap midday if I feel the need. I go and do what I want, when I want, without toting a baby, baby seat, stroller, diaper bag and the kitchen sink. I do not envy these people. I do not covet their lives. There are times that I just want to dial the psychiatric hotline, take the baby and hand them the phone:-)

Anyhoo, many people think that by 31 you should be married, have children and be on your way to Pleasantville. I am happy with my life. This is my path. My parents scared the shit out of me about having kids and my friends that are enjoying parenthood and doing it how it should be done are making that fade a bit. I see that there is a right and wrong way now. I have learned a lot from my little mommies. When the time comes I know I will be ready now. I am glad that I waited for the right time and hopefully the right person. I know this is not everyone's path. I am not judging those that had kids young. You will be young and free grandparents. I just chose to take my time early on and make sure of what I wanted and how to do it right. I don't feel as if I should or should not be any certain place by now. I am just where I was meant to be, over where the green grass grows:-) Happy Easter to you and yours today!

Saturday, April 3, 2010


I woke up this morning feeling on top of the world. It is a more than fantastically beautiful spring day in the Lou. I normally have school on Saturday mornings but today I got to sleep in since it is Easter weekend! I have absolutely no plans, which just tickles me in all the right places. I am lounging about on the back patio with my coffee, my computer and my dog +1 (Ferg's dog, Buddy). I have nothing but positive thoughts in my head and good things in my future. I have no idea what today will bring but I am sure it will be fantastic. Tomorrow I am headed to my mom's in the country to celebrate Easter. If her yard is not a muddy waste pit I will take the big dog with me so we can hike and enjoy the weather together. My mom lives on 5 acres that attach to my aunt's 5 acres next door. There is a creek that runs through my mom's back yard that is just fantastic. She has a huge deck off the back of her house (doublewide). She put in a hot tub a few years ago and it was the best decision she has ever made in my opinion. I think I am going to take a book and a bathing suit and really enjoy Spring in style.

The new job is still going really well. I am pretty sure they like me and I really enjoy all of them. I have had a few opportunities this week to gather with friends and enjoy adult beverages. Since the weather has been rather nice all week I am also walking outside a lot more which is therapy for my soul. I am dipping a toe gently back into the dating pool. I am ready to get back out there and mingle. The natural flirt in me is returning full force and I will admit I did miss her. I also found out this week that my friend Rachel's baby is due on my birthday so that is totally exciting! She is a dear friend, former co-worker and ex-roommate of mine. I love her to pieces and her new husband is really just an amazing man. I am so happy for them both...and me. I get a baby for a birthday present! That is pretty much my crazy and all over the place update on my life. I will try to take photos this weekend with the fam and post them here for your viewing pleasure. Happy Spring and Happy Easter weekend to all!