Sunday, April 11, 2010

My liver's letter of resignation

Dear Stupid-Ass Wasted Hot Mess of a Drunk,

When you talk all day about how you are not going to drink, I can only assume that I have the night off. When you opted for the 1st vodka and Red Bull on Friday I thought you were just being social. After all, Saturday you have school and you are way too responsible to not do as you say and go home early to rest. You can see then why I was so shocked when you ordered 2, 3, and then 4 more. I started to kick you from within to let you know I did not appreciate getting called in at such late notice. Did that stop you? Did it even slow you down? Oh, hell no! You went to another bar and continued to drink until 3 am! I kept you up most of the night to teach you a lesson. I know your day at school was rough. I was unrelenting in my anger yesterday afternoon and into the evening.

So here is my big question, and then I will go. Why, you stupid bitch, why, did you start back with the vodka and Red Bull just a few hours later? Why did you disregard my hurt and pain and continue on with your destruction? You insulted the bar owner, almost fought a gang of people because you were stupid and let one of your best friends motorboat you, just for the hell of it. Not only that but you continued to drink through all of the dancing and mayhem. Just to prove that you have absolutely no sense, you went to yet another bar where the bartender is also a very good friend and completed your mission of fucking me up royally.

I have tried to be good to you over the years. Your early 20's were a nightmare but I survived. Never did I think in all of my years with you that you would be so out of control at 31 years old. You should be ashamed of yourself and you might need some help. Fuck you, bitch, I'm out.


Yo Liva


  1. Sounds like I missed a fun night. I am not normally a huge drinker but damn I am missing my beer and rum and Coke this summer...

  2. Oh and how I enjoyed motorboating you... it was fantastic!