Sunday, February 7, 2010

I really did it...

I woke up this morning seized with panic. I ran to look out the window, whew, my car is there. I checked myself over thoroughly, in case I fell down and the alcohol absorbed the pain. I have my car and I am all in one piece so what is the problem? Then it hit me...the clouds started to clear. Did I drunken blog last night? I grabbed my computer, logged on and sure enough, I DID! I reread it this morning and it was not horrible but I left out the whole reason for the blog in the first place. Silly girl!

About 11 o'clock I hit up the bathroom. The 2 overly drunken, under couthed women sitting next to me were about to get an elbow to the eye. I was also strongly considering just letting my cigarette tip a bit too far back and burning some hair. Who wants to deal with burnt hair smell in a bar though? It would really have compromised my vodka and Red Bull at that point. So Nicole and I decided it was time to hit the dance floor (which you've hopefully read about already). I went to hit the bathroom first and I was joined by some genius natives from the town I grew up in. Girl 1 was in the stall and girl 2 entered as I was hovering over the toilet.

Girl 2: (pushing girl 1's stall door open)"Come on bitch, it's a party"

Girl 1: "You whore. I mean it, you filthy fucking whore" (drunken giggles and stumbling)

(I exit my stall and girl 2 just realizes that I am in there)

Girl 2: "I'm really sorry you had to hear that"

Me: "um, that's ok"

Girl 1: (exiting stall in her bachelorette tiara) "Why do stupid people (pot, the kettle is on the phone for you) keep telling me happy birthday like I JUST turned 21? I mean, that was like a century ago" (never did she mention the most obvious sign it was not her birthday, the BACHELORETTE tiara!

Girl 2: "It's only been half a century" (drunken giggles)

Girl 1: (utterly confused) "Wait, how long is a century?"

Girl 2: "It's like 10 years or something" and then, catching my side-eye she says to me, "That's not right is it?"

Me: "No, 10 years is called a de-cade" (speaking slow for slow minds) "A century is 1 hun-dred years" (I almost said, 'say it with me now' but that wouldn't have even been fun because they probably would have.

Girl 1 & 2 in unison: "Wow, haha"

(I open the door to exit)

Girl 2: "I am so glad you were here. We never would have figured that out"

Oh, I have no doubt about that and you don't know how glad I am that I didn't miss that.

I saw the 2 girls numerous times the rest of the night. They clearly thought I was Einstein after that. Compared to them, I guess I am.

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