From the great beyond

I have been on a search in the last few weeks to work out some things within myself. I have applied for and been accepted to school. I got financial aid and was even awarded a Pell Grant. For some reason I was still dragging my feet signing up for classes. Deep down I was dealing with some doubts about myself and I knew it. It is no secret that I have been avoiding my own future for some time now.

For Christmas this year my mom got my sister and I a massage from a good friend of our family as our gift. She doesn’t just do a massage but also a reading. I wouldn’t call it psychic as she actually communicates with your spirit guides and translates for you. I have seen her many times before. The first time, one of my dearest friends who passed away in 2000, came to visit. Jenny (the masseuse) described what she looked like to a T. I did not confirm that I knew this person so she went on. “She is showing herself dancing in a field of daisies”. Daisies were Leigh’s favorite flower, Gerbera daisies. I still confirmed nothing. “Now she is standing in front of a big beautiful grey brick home with a very small dog”. That was her parent’s house where we had lived together and the puppy they had gotten her for her last Christmas. Needless to say after that visit and many others, I truly believe everything that transpires in my massages with Jenny.

This past Sunday was to be our massage day. I met my mom and sister for lunch first. As I was driving there I invited anyone who wanted to come (from spirit world) to talk to me to be there with Jenny and I. I told them (the air, the spirits and my fellow partners in traffic) that I needed guidance. I wanted people to come through who had good advice and clear minds to help me. I kept that thought in my mind all through lunch. I never know if I am going to get Leigh, my dead grandparents, my old crotchety Aunt Louise or some random spirit guide but I was excited for this experience more so than I have ever been before I think.

My mom went first and my sister and I walked around the U City Loop. We got coffee and had a good talk so I was already relaxed going into my massage. Right away Jenny started talking about many changes that have taken place in my life already and also those that will take place very soon. She is speaking for my spirit guide, telling me a lot of what is going on in my own head; my doubts about myself and my insecurities. They brought up my past relationship and how it was very one-sided. I was not true to myself and I did get what I needed. That was my lesson, to never settle again. Relationships should not be my focus right now as the one I am meant to be with is out there and we will eventually find each other and it will be everything I dream of. I truly believe that but for now , they say, I need to take care of myself. That is exactly what I had been feeling despite the pressures from others to get back out there. I have no problem dating but I need to work out myself fully before I take on another relationship. That was good confirmation and I am not going to lie, it made me feel good to know there is someone out there for me. So while he is busy I guess I will go ahead and make something of myself.

The direction of the conversation ultimately turns to my goals and what I want out of life. I explain that I have enrolled in school, which I am sure they already know but for the sake of an open conversation with my spirit guides I shared that information. I told you of my doubts and insecurities which I thought were about me and even my ability. My spirit guide did not discourage me from going to school and even made a point to say “I am not telling you not to do this but to think about what you really want before you do.” So we (my spirit guides and I) had a very candid conversation about what makes me feel happy and fulfilled. My plan for school was a court reporting program to do closed captioning and stenography. I wanted a career that would pay the bills and I would not have to worry about job stability anymore. Plus I love court room drama so it seemed a good fit when my sister recommended it a while back. What I did not think about is that flexibility has always been on the top of my priority list for a job. There is no flexibility in courtrooms. I would be stuck until the end with no bathroom breaks until someone else says so. This is a valid point considering my stomach issues. Plus, as my guide pointed out, it would not feed my need to help others.

I have always wanted to work with kids or old people and I have said that for years. Immediately my spirit guides turned me away from the elderly. They told me that my reason for wanting to do that was my love of spending time with my Aunt Louise when she was alive and that is true. My spirit guides assured me that not all old people are like her and I would grow very impatient quickly. Do these people know me or what? My spirit guide suggested that I work with teens (I always thought that would be my focus) perhaps as a court room advocate for children. I felt like someone had knocked me over the head! Finally something that sounded exactly like what I am looking for. I would have flexibility, I would be helping others and making a difference in their lives AND it uses my life experience which is the best part of it all for me. I always felt like I went through all that I went through as a kid to help others. This would be a way to make that happen. I wish someone had been an advocate for me at many points in my life. So my guide and I talked about how to make this happen, down to the steps that I need to take. It felt so right it was unbelievable.

They also told me that a huge part of my problem is believing. I have all of the positive thoughts and mantras but when it comes down to it, I don’t back it up. I don’t throw caution to the wind because I am very conservative. I was raised that there was never enough whether it be food, money or love there wasn’t enough to go around. The universe is abundant and I know that but I don’t believe in it enough to let the process flow; meaning that I stop myself from the final steps because of doubt that it can truly happen. My guides asked me what one immediate need or want I had and to share it with them. I said I wanted to go to the beach. I need to go to the beach. I have been feeling the pull as I posted about earlier this month. In the back of my mind I don’t have enough vacation or money. But to believe it will happen and continue to ask for it can gravitationally pull it towards me through the universe if I believe. It doesn't matter if I have the money or time now because the universe will provide all of that. I am working really hard on believing from now on. I guess you could call it having faith. A beach vacation would really help me along in the process though;-)

That was pretty much the majority of my massage. My maternal grandmother did visit to say she is happy that my sister and I are getting long again. She does not foresee us having any more times out of each other’s lives as we have both grown up so much. The very end of my massage was a bit disturbing and I guess I only post it here for myself and to be true to what was said. My guide told me there is a problem with my dad’s lungs. They normally don’t tell you bad things so Jenny was determined to get to the root of why they shared that information. Apparently I have the closest relationship to my dad that he has ever had with anyone. If anyone could convince him to check it out (which they tell me would greatly improve his chances) it would be me. If he does nothing, his health will decline quickly. My relationship with Pops has not been the greatest lately. I know how he would take to my saying “hey, my spirit guide thinks you should check out your lungs” so I am unsure how I will proceed with that information. I will say something for sure. Probably to my step mom as she has met Jenny and gotten a massage and I think she will take it much more seriously than my dad. The spirits have foreshadowed events to me before and they were right on so I don’t take this lightly.

This week I am doing a lot of thinking, reflecting and meditating. I am going to school Monday to talk to them about changing programs and then after the first of the year I might start looking for a new job that would be more in the field that I want to be in if not just volunteer. I feel relieved to have put together a very tiny piece of this massive puzzle that is my life. Onward and upward I go.