It's only 6 weeks (repeat mantra)

I started back to school this week. It is a shortened summer term, only 6 weeks. Monday night was my first meeting of my 'Blacks and their History in Cinema' class. I feel that it should be mentioned that I am, in fact, the only white person in the class. That is a fact that makes me a bit sad. Not that it bothers me but I am pretty sure it mattered to some of the "strong" black women in my class. One group of ladies invited a young man to come sit with them as he was heading to sit at my table. When he declined and sat with me, they were not happy. I have never really experienced reverse discrimination and it honestly felt empowering. The woman who instigated the invitation to this young man turned out to be a MO state representative. Interesting...

I felt as though I knew more black history than they did. I am the only person in the class who has read Roots. When Sidney Poitier came up they said he was a sell out for taking the rolls he did without demanding more black people be involved in his movies. I read "The Measure of a Man", which is his autobiography and I was defensive to their comments. Some of you may not know this but Sidney Poitier was from a Bahamian Island. He had never seen running water or a functioning toilet until he came to the United States. He spoke with an accent and worked very hard just to fit in within the black culture in the US. He barely understood the language, and then could barely speak it; how was he supposed to represent an entire race? This class is going to get really interesting. It is on Monday night from 5:30 to 8pm. We watched a short clip of one of the first movies ever made, in which blacks were portrayed by white people with painted face. This week we are watching "Birth of a Nation" which depicts the KKK in a good light while blaming black people for their own suffering. I am really excited for the discussion that is sure to come from that. We only meet 6 times and the grade is based on class participation, a few critiques and a final paper on a black actor, actresses, director, producer or screen writer. Suggestions are welcome!

On Tuesday and Thursday from 6-9:45 I have Sociology class. It is a really LONG class but interesting topic. I love culture and human interaction and that is what sociology is all about. We have 3 tests and a final. There are 12 classes total and there is a lot of information to cram in. I have read quite a bit about famous sociologists and their theories in my own pleasure reading. The class is multicultural and everyone seems respectful and open to learning so I think it will be fun.

Between the 2 classes, it is 6 credit hours in 6 weeks. I work 8-5 and with St. Louis traffic I have not risked running home between work and class. Poor Bo is going 14-15 hours without going out which breaks my heart. He still is not warming to Ferg and therefore will not go out with him. Ferg's mom watches the kids at our house a few days a week and Bo will go out with her. I feel bad but he chooses to distrust Ferg so it is his call to not go outside. I would probably have enough time to stop home and let him out Tues/Thurs but then there is no time to eat. Going from work to class with no food is just crazy as I don't get out until so late. Plus, I am an eater and I cannot concentrate when my belly is angry and empty.

Every day this week when I have woken up exhausted and cranky I tell myself, "It's only 6 weeks!" After Thursday's class was over, it is only 5 weeks now. I am taking a girl's trip to the lake the last weekend of June, which is also halfway through the summer semester. It will be a much needed break. I am trying to keep my eye on the prize and forge ahead. More than likely I would be drinking and partying if I didn't have school to keep me grounded so I am grateful more than anything. I know it will be hard work but it will all be worth it in the end.

Bit o' nature, Me Cube, a night out and a few guilty pleasures

This weekend was fantastic. The weather finally warmed up so I could get out of the house and be at one with nature again. My old roomy, Sarah, and I took a walk around a local lake with Bo. I love the way that exercising outside makes me feel. It is like therapy for my soul. I can’t wait until spring is in full bloom with green things growing and flowers abundant. I am thinking about planning a girls camping/float weekend just to celebrate the spring season; although we might have to stay in a cabin- just in case of rain. Well, you don’t have to but I think I would like a nice log cabin. Ok, I am daydreaming and way off track.

Where was I? Ah, the weekend! My Saturday classes went phenomenally. My research paper on Dan Choi is coming along great. I have not called him yet but I plan to this week. I hate to say this but after work shopping other people's papers in class (on the smart board), I feel more than confident with my work. Sarah (old roomy) is an English guru so she edited my paper and had some fantastic input. Sadly, I think I learned more from my evening with her editing my paper than I have from the entire class. I hope that College Comp II is a bit more challenging.

I got an A+ on my project for communication. The assignment was to decorate a box, all six sides with things that define or describe you. I thought about doing cutesy cut outs of mountains, oceans, diamonds and all things that I love. One of my biggest passions is photos. I take pride in my pictures and I am known to always have a camera. I decided to express myself on my “Me Cube” (that was the assignment name) through my pictures. I think it turned out wonderful and I know I am biased but I also think it was the best in class. Some people cut out a picture of flowers from a magazine for an entire box side. I took pictures of my “Me Cube” so you could see the final product. I put a lot of time into it and I was really proud of how it turned out.

The 'Me' side of my "Me Cube". There are baby pics, junior high and everything up until now.
Manda's side. Check out our baby pic in the middle. She's the real redhead. Now and forever.
Me and my sissy. I love the little kid ones in the middle.
My family. The bottom middle is my parents in 1969. The 2 on either side of that are the Core 4: Dad, mom, Cher and me. Left side is dad's new family. Right side is mom's. Top 2 photos are me with each parent. Oddly enough, after divorce we all traveled to Reno when my sister graduated the 1st or maybe 2nd time. Just me, my mom and dad went to stay with my sister and her then-husband together. That is a whole blog in itself. Mental note. Anyway both little corner pics were taken in Lake Tahoe on that trip.

Places I've Been: San Fransisco, CA- Vedauwoo, WY- Bellvue, CO-Pensacola, FL- Scottsdale, AZ- Santa Barbara, CA, Lake Tahoe, NV & CA- Steamboat Springs, CO- Amsterdam, Holland- Alcatraz-and many more that wouldn't fit.

The final side was to show my gay pride. The gays are really my only "cause" so they had to get a rainbow and a shout-out. Top left is me and my gay hubs, right is Aaron. Me and sis in the middle and prides gone by at the bottom. Did I mention that I was super proud of this project?

Saturday night was a night out on the town with my single girl, Nicole, and one of my fav gays, Aaron. My roomy had a bad day and was going to sit at home and drink alone so I invited him along as well. My newly single guy friend, Alex, called to see what was shaking so he came to meet us too. Nicole, Aaron and I dominated the dance floor while Ryan and Alex held down the fort at the bar. They are both newly single-again fathers so they have much in common. I was the designated driver so I only had 2 drinks but they were strong and I am not a drink n’ driver so we went to the casino after the bar so I could drink some water and chill. I lost $4 to the penny slots and we were on our way. It was the only money I spent all night somehow. Everyone had a great time. Nicole went all paparazzi on us so I will include a few pics for your viewing pleasure!

Nicole, Aaron and me
Striking a pose! Can you tell we have done this before?

I LOVE this pic!

We are funny, even on the dance floor!

I need to work on my faces while I dance, fo sho.

Aaron and Nicole
A and T

Ferg and me

Nicole and Aaron...again

Alex, me and Ferg

My Anastacia and me

Sunday was just strange. I didn’t get home Saturday until almost 5am. Alex stayed the night at my house because he is not a drink n’ driver either. He woke up at 9:30 and wanted to get home to his dogs. I took him back to the bar to get his car without even thinking that Ferg (current roomy) left his car at the bar too. I came home to Facebook (guilty pleasure) and my friend Bri called for a ride to her car that she had left behind "somewhere" (no shit, she said that) out of drunkenness as well. Clearly, my friends have a problem. At least they don’t drive though. So I woke Ferg, he dressed and we picked up Bri from down the street at her boyfriends and I deposited them both back to their cars. I had lunch plans with my mom and sister that fell through so I ended up ordering Chinese food (guilty pleasure 2) and watching the Oscars red carpet show all afternoon (gp 3). I rounded out the night with the Oscars (gp4) and promptly fell asleep on the couch (gp5) before all of the good awards. TGFY, Thank God for YouTube. It was really a good weekend and after hearing the great news today I am just over the moon!

#2- The Secret Annex

Sorry for the teaser on my 2nd essay yesterday and then not posting it. I know you are all just chomping at the bit to read it. I was just trying to drive readership to my site;-)The assignment was to think of a place or time that you can take yourself back to in your memory and remember everything about it. Why is it improtant to you? What details do you remember? What about it touched you then and now? 2 other girls read their essays aloud in class. They were about nightclubs. It was details of how the bar looked and the music felt. They weren't bad stories but not riveting. I had already volunteered to read my essay aloud when they both read basically the same story detailing a party night out. I was a bit leary to read my essay after that but I really didn't have a choice. Here it is:

The Secret Annex

I remember the first time that I read The Diary of Anne Frank. I was about the same age as Anne when she was in hiding and it had an amazing impact on me. I had no idea of the oppression of Jewish people until I read her diary. I reread it in high school and I found even more of a connection to Anne. I was amazed at her ability to tell a story so honestly. She didn’t seem to harbor hate or animosity, she was just telling her own tale. I sometimes felt like a thief in the night reading her inner most thoughts. She speaks of enlightening others and bringing awareness and understanding so I can’t help but think she knew exactly what she was doing.
In 2005 I visited Amsterdam and the home of The Secret Annex where Anne and her family hid for 2 years and 2 months. I knew as soon as the trip was planned that I would see Anne’s hiding spot. On the long plane ride to Amsterdam, I reread Anne’s diary for the first time as an adult. More things stood out to me this time than my first 2 reads. Perhaps it was because I knew I was on my way to see all of the things that she explained but I felt such a connection to her descriptions and words.
On the day that I visited the house I had a very calming sense of peace all morning. I walked the few miles from our hotel to the Annex. As I approached the line outside of Anne’s hideout, which is now a museum, I felt the universe open up. My senses were on high-alert and I was in awe. As I began our tour of the house I flashed back to the book and Anne’s amazing descriptions. This stairwell must have been where Anne laid out in the open the night the house was robbed and they thought they had been found. This is the parlor where the carried warm water to take a bath. At every step and every turn, everything was as Anne described it. As we rounded the corner, I saw the bookcase which camouflaged the secret passageway to the attic, and I could hear Anne’s words as I walked on. Entering the narrow stairwell one could not help but think that this is where history was made.
Anne’s room, which she describes as adorn with celebrity photos, is still as she left it. There is glass covering the walls to preserve the photos but everything remains the same, right down to the heavy blinds to block people from seeing in. The kitchen, where the 2 families gathered to eat and discuss their situation, was a powerful place. Heavy decisions were made there but there was also such a sense of peace. It was small place for the amount of people in hiding there. Peter’s room in the attic was closed off due to unsafe conditions but as I stood at the base of the stairwell to his room I had the most amazing feeling in the world. I looked out the window to the right and there was the clock tower that Anne frequently speaks of in her diary. I am not sure what it was about that specific spot but I felt like Anne Frank was right there beside me saying “see, it is just like I described it, isn’t it?” I couldn’t get it out of my mind that I was standing where Anne Frank stood. At that moment the clock tower tolled and my warm, peaceful feeling went deeper within.
The next room held Anne’s diary; the original diary her father gave her for her 13th birthday just before they went into hiding. Shelly Winters Oscar from the 1959 movie is displayed in the house as well. Perhaps the hardest part of the journey for me was the final room of the Anne Frank House. It follows and details the final days of the concentration camp for Anne and her family. There are graphic images, audio tapes and written accounts from people who were imprisoned with the Frank family. It is heartbreaking to know that Anne died of typhus just days before the war was over and everyone was free. I can’t image the pain of her father reading his daughters heart-felt words after her death or the strength that it took for him to share not only her words but her life with the world. I am so grateful to him for doing so. Anne’s words have been translated into 67 languages and sold more than 31 million copies. The Diary of Anne Frank and visiting The Secret Annex are both experiences that I will never forget.

I just turned this paper in on Saturday so I should have a grade back at my next class. I will keep you posted.

My first 'A'

My first week of class our assignment (on top of boatloads of reading) was to write an essay; If you could be anyone for a day, who would you choose and why?

Here is my essay in it's entirety:

If I could be anyone for one day, who would I be and why?

If I could choose to be any one person for just one day, I would choose my best friend Leigh. This week was the 10 year anniversary of Leigh’s death. She died very suddenly in a car accident while she was attending college at Mizzou. The shock of losing her in such an abrupt and horrifying way stays with me to this day. It has taken me years to come to terms with her death. I am just getting to a point that I can look back on her life and feel happiness as opposed to feeling the pain of her dying. Her funeral and burial were a celebration of her glowing spirit. I try everyday to honor that spirit by being everything that I can be for myself. I have always felt like Leigh was taken from us to fulfill a greater purpose than what she had here on Earth. I also believe that I was left on Earth to do something equally as great.

Leigh was an amazing person who gave all of herself to everything she did. She brought together many friends, from different walks of life, and she somehow managed to make us see our similarities and appreciate our differences. She was a wise young woman, well beyond her 20 years. I look back now and I am amazed at the knowledge that she had. She taught me so much about love, life and family. Leigh was the glue that held us together in life and she continues to do so after her death.

The reason I would want to be her for a day is simple, we would all be able to see the person that she became. I lived with Leigh and her parents in high school so I became very close with her and her family. I know that each birthday I celebrate is a milestone her parents will not have with their daughter. Her mom has actually said to me before on my birthday, “I wonder where Leigh would be at this age” or “I wonder what Leigh would look like if she were here today”. I think we all wonder the same things: What would she have done for a living? Would she be married by now? Would she have beautiful blond haired, sparkling blue eyed little girls just like her? Would her passion for life still be as strong as it was the day we lost her?

If I were able to give her mom the opportunity to hold her daughter again it would feel like giving the gift of a lifetime. I know it would be the gift of her lifetime. If Leigh’s friends could see her smiling face, take one more trip to the mall, have one more serious talk about life or just sit with her and feel her presence they would trade anything in this world. Just one day with her, one day to say all that we couldn’t say 10 years ago.

Leigh knew that we loved her; I have no doubt about that. I know she is up in Heaven today listening as I compose this. She is touched by my words, my love of her parents, my continued connection to her friends and my need to keep her memory alive. She is probably wishing she could make this wish come true for everyone as much as I do. She sends her love in a way, even today, that I can feel her sitting next to me. She is letting me know that she never went anywhere. She is with each of us always, in our thoughts, our dreams and our fantastic memories of her. The only thing I do know is that if Leigh were here today she would still be my very best friend and soul sister to the end.

I got a 99%! She took points off because I capitalized the 'E' in earth (which I still feel should be capilized)! Whatevs, it was a good start. I read my 2nd essay aloud to the class this past Saturday. The assignment was to write about a place that had such an impact on you that you can close your eyes and take yourself back there. We were to describe it in detail physically and emotionally. The first 2 girls read about clubs and detailed liquor and dancing. I thought I was way off base for the assignment until I started to read my essay and I noticed everyone was paying attention. My teacher and all of my classmates gave great feedback so I am pretty sure I did ok on that one too! As soon as I have my grade I will post that for you too. Oh, hell...I will post it today!