1 in 4

This month has me reflecting so much on the past year. This time last year I was helplessly and knowingly living my life with Cancer in my right breast. I was working toward the goal of surgery with my surgical team, but the process was slow. It felt even slower each time I reminded myself that this shit was trying to kill me from the inside! I sat in countless doctor’s offices and heard stories of other women in waiting rooms across town. Some had it better than I did, and others had it much worse. I heard friends try to console loved ones to no avail. At times I was happy that I was alone. Others, I was grateful to have my tribe behind me, and either my sister-in-law or very close friend at my side.

No one prepares you for the wait that comes with a Cancer diagnosis. Maybe it’s more of a hurry-up and wait, which I hate worse than waiting. It goes like this; hurry up and set up this appointment with this doctor but then wait 30 days to see them. Hurry up and get this test completed because it is imperative to your diagnosis and treatment plan, but you will have to wait 3-4 weeks for results. Hurry up and get the genetic testing but it could be months before you hear on that so don’t depend on it to make any decisions. (Yep, that happened) It leaves your head spinning, and the Cancer notebook you created to keep track of it all, full of more questions than answers. I later learned about people that were diagnosed pre-pandemic and forced to sit and wait for the world to reopen so that their Cancer could be treated. It’s crazy the situations in life that are hell yet we, as women, consider ourselves “lucky”. Thinking of the Pandemic diagnosis people, I was really “lucky”.

This weekend I was watching a Netflix show called Girls in The Back about a group of friends from school. They were assigned seats in the back of class and became The Girls in the Back. In the intro you find out that one of the five has Cancer. They take their annual vacation trip, all of them shave their heads and they each write down one challenge that everyone in the group will have to complete. Their only rules are that they don’t talk about Cancer or who has it. It is an amazing story of friendship, and for obvious reasons, it really hit home for me. You do eventually find out who has Cancer, and in the end, she says the exact same thing to her tribe that I said to mine, “I’m glad it is me”. I cried like a baby watching that scene.

The current statistic is that 1 in 4 women will get Breast Cancer in their lifetime. As my tribe sat with me through this experience, their lives continued to go on around us, as they should. I would listen to them whisper from the waiting room to their children at home, trying to keep their lives as normal as possible and I felt that wave of lucky. Not just for having an amazing tribe by my side. Not even just their little families that each made sacrifices so that they could be away from them and be with me instead. I felt lucky that it was me and not them. I am not married. I have no children. I live alone. The only one that depends on me is my dog. I have the resources and the insurance to fight this fight. And sadly, I will type this because I thought it, if someone must die from this, I want it to be me. I’m grateful to be the 1 in 4, and I’m finally making my peace with Cancer and what it has taught me.

#BreastCancerAwareness #1In4 #CheckYourBoobs

 

 

"Mr. Speaker, our Nation depends on immigrants' labor, and I hope we can create an immigration system as dependable as they are."~Luis Gutierriz

Aren’t we all immigrants?

Liberty and Justice FOR ALL, huh? Really?

Has anyone thought about what this Arizona immigration law could lead to?

How many Hispanic American citizens will lose their businesses because their LEGAL CITIZEN patrons are scared to leave their homes for fear of police or government interference with their life?

What about all of the jobs that the Americans are too good to do that WE brought illegal Mexicans here to do 20 years ago?

What about the American citizens of mixed decent that will be unjustly terrorized for this?

Is it really ok now for the US Government to detain people for absolutely no reason?

This law could be in effect as early as August, IF it passes the proper channels. (PrayingtoBabyJesusthatdoesnothappen)

I, for one, will never visit Arizona again.

I say the supporters should be the first to be implanted with the new government tracking chip.

Let the government track their every move.

Let’s see how they like it…

Your daily dose of hypocrisy...

The Vatican was rocked by scandal this week after "a gentleman of his holiness" was caught on wire tap ordering young men for his pleasure; a male prostitution ring at the Vatican, if you will. The investigation started because this man was accused of swaying public works contracts to "favoured bidders". Once the wire tap was in place the police discovered that this man was actually ordering young men, some of whom were in training for priesthood. You can read the full story here. I bet the Pope is proud, proud, proud.

Today, because we are so lucky, we have 2 full doses of hypocrisy. Anti-Gay rights republican Senator Roy Ashton was arrested Wednesday leaving a gay club in Sacramento. He was pulled over for erratic driving around 2 am and arrested for DUI. The 'unidentified male' (Does this remind anyone of Sex In The City when Stanford is photographed with Smith Jarred for a magazine and he is listed as the "unidentified older gay gentleman"?) passenger was released but not before admitting he left the club with Mr. Ashton. Anyhoot, with a wife and 4 kids at home, what was this guy doing out at a gay bar called Faces until 2am with a male caller? I think we can all guess that one. Blow jobs don't count, right?

Senator Roy Ashton

Fun Fact: St. Louis used to have a gay club called Faces. It had a dark room like Babylon on Queer as Folk. I went in once. I will never forget the smell and I would NEVER go back. They have no ladies room (it is actually borded up) so I have had a catfight or 2 in the bathroom with unaccepting gay men. My boys were there to back me up, of course. A bartender at Faces once smelled my neck and said, "I smell straight". I guess you can dance in a cage in a gay club but you can't hide your sexuality for one damn second.

Meet Dan Choi

I am writing my final research paper for my comp class this week. The assignment was to pick a topic that we are passionate about. It has to be a current news story that will spark a debate. I chose the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell. We all know that I am passionate about gay rights. After watching Soldier's Girl a few weeks ago and witnessing the horror that my friend Aaron felt at knowing this senseless killing took place on his military base while he was serving there, I could not help but jump to that topic. In researching my subject I learned so much. My thesis statement is: Don't Ask Don't Tell is bankrupting our country while compromising national security. I will post my paper when it is completed and graded but for now I want to share with you the thing that sparked debate for me more than anything.

Dan Choi was an Arabic linguist and West Point Graduate. He served in Iraq as a platoon leader in 2007 and 2008. In total he gave 10 years of service as a gay man under Don't Ask Don't Tell. In 2008, upon his return from Iraq he sparked a romance with a man. No longer willing to lie about who and what he was he went on the Rachel Maddow show in March 2009 and declared, "I am gay". This is an act of professional suicide when you are in the military. He was immediately sent a notice of discharge from the United States military. He was given the option to leave quietly with honorable discharge or to fight it. Dan Choi chose to fight. His own unit leader did not push for discharge. He actually spoke up in defense of the highly trained and respected Choi. Less than 1 year later, after much activism work and the attitude that he would never back down, Dan Choi was invited back to drill training with his unit in February of 2010.

What a risk to take in the name of being honest about who you are? Dan started Knights Out, which is a group of West Point grads who have come together to demand the repeal of DADT. He regularly speaks at events about equality and gay rights. This year in June he will serve as Grand Marshall of the New York City pride parade. Dan has a website that does not give many details, I assume because of his current position in the military. He was not discharged but he is still in violation of the current law which means he can be discharged at any time. I e-mailed Dan through his website to ask for more information and also to let him know what a hero he is. So many Americans follow the grid; do as they are told and let the man be in control. This is a shining example of how one person can change things for many. That is not to say that I feel like repealing Don't Ask Don't Tell was reintroduced strictly because of Dan Choi but his activism and fighting spirit sure helped it along. True heroes usually fall through the cracks. I think Dan Choi is a hero to many so I wanted to formally introduce you.

The cadet prayer states: “choose the harder right over the easier wrong” and to “never be content with a half truth when the whole can be won.” How can you say that is your prayer and then tell someone it is not ok to be openly gay? I found it interesting also that while homosexual conduct can get you discharged, heterosexual conduct cannot. Just to show you how archaic our rules and regulations are: Current US policy in the Uniform Code of Military Justice actually does prohibit sodomy and oral sex, even among consenting adults and married couples.

Some other notable facts:

More than 100 retired admirals and generals support repeal.

73 percent of military personnel are comfortable with lesbians and gays (Zogby International, 2006).

Majority of weekly churchgoers (60 percent), conservatives (58 percent), and Republicans (58 percent) now favor repeal.

The younger generations, those who fight America's 21st century wars, largely don't care about whether someone is gay or not-and they do not link job performance with sexual orientation. One in four U.S. troops who served in Afghanistan or Iraq knows a member of their unit who is gay (Zogby, 2006). Since 2001, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" discharges have declined by almost half.

During every major military conflict the number of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" discharges has dropped.

In 1993 Rand Corp. concluded that openly gay people in the U.S. military do not negatively impact unit cohesion, morale, good order, or military readiness. Several other military-commissioned and GAO studies have concluded that open service does not undermine military readiness, troop morale or national security.

75% of Americans support gays serving openly - up from just 44 percent in 1993 (ABC News/Washington Post, 2008).

Just a little food for thought on this fine Thursday.

OFFICIAL: NO H8 and another explaination for the uninformed

Official No H8 photos have been posted. I have gay people asking me what this movement is all about. I blogged about the No H8 campaign here when we attended the photo shoot back in January. You can read about the campaign on the official No H8 website. This group started out as celebrities having their photo taken with the No H8 tattoo and duck tape on their mouth to support gay marriage. The campaign went nationwide and there are now photo shoots all over the world to gain momentum for this campaign and to put an end to hate and discrimination. There will be a huge display of all of these photos from all over the world. If you are gay and you do not know this information I request that you relinquish your gay card to me directly with a written apology to your community OR you can sign up to have your photo taken in a city near you. You decide.

My official No H8 photo by John Elkins taken at NP's in St. Louis

My sister's official photo. My father would die to know that she is wearing his dog tags!

Our official No H8 photo together. Yes, I did let them write on my face with a Sharpie!

Soldier's Girl

I had dinner with my gay boyfriend, Aaron, on Monday night. I went to his place and he cooked a wonderful meal. I took some chocolate infused red wine and we enjoyed a gay movie during dinner, as we usually do. Most of the time the movie consists of bad acting, poor sex scenes and chemistry and little to no plot. Rarely does a gay man have a friend to watch a gay movie with so I suffer it for him. This time was different. So different that it has taken me 3 days and a call to my therapist to write this post.

This is the movie cover

Aaron rented Soldier's Girl (I posted a clip at the end of this post) from Netflix. My gay husband, Matt, who is a friend of both Aaron and myself, actually suggested that I watch this movie about a year ago when I house sat for him. He assured me I would love it but I never made it around to watching it. The film is a true story based in Fort Cambell, Kentucky on the military base. Aaron was a military man prior to coming out and was based at Fort Cambell so the story immediately struck a cord with him. At first, I could tell it was fun for him to see the places and things that he had done way back when. He said he had heard about a young gay man being beaten severely with a baseball bat prior to his coming to base. That story made him even more afraid of his comrades finding him out and he remained deep in the closet during his time on base. I have seen photos of him during his time at Fort Cambell and even my gaydar would not have sounded.

The movie started out easy enough. The main character is a straight man, Barry Winchell, who is doing his basic training at Fort Cambell. Barry goes out one night, at the urging of his friends, to a bar and meets a male-to-female transgendered performer named Calpernia Addams. The 2 began dating immediately. Barry has a roommate that questions his own sexuality while being disgusted with Barry for doing the same. The roommate starts to spread rumors, Barry is ridiculed on base and questioned by sargents. This is not a happy, feel-good ending wrapped up in 2 hours or less. Let's just say that Aaron's story of that poor boy who was beaten is explained when you see Soldier's Girl. Barry Winchell was that boy and he was not just beaten but beaten to death. We discovered after having watched the movie and seeing the dates and outcome at the end that Aaron was there when this horrible crime took place. He could have been Barry Winchell.

Troy Garity and Lee Pace posing as Barry and Calpernia

The real Barry Winchell

The Don't Ask, Don't Tell debate has been prevelent in the media again recently. Just last week I had a Facebook debate about this very topic. I know a young girl in Ohio who has a gay sister in the military. Her sister posted a headline: 'You don't have to be straight to shoot straight'. I like that a lot. The little sister liked it too, so much so that she reposted it. One of the little sister's friends, a man who happens to be active military, made a comment which made me furious. Here is our exchange:

bigot (to protect the guilty hater): i dont like the idea of a gay guy next to me in combat

me: I am not sure I understand why being a gay man has anything to do with saving a life or protecting a country. I say if (bigot name here) doesn't like the idea of going in with gay back-up then go in alone. It's your choice. And I hate to tell ya but gay men (and women) have been surving our military for years (all the while hiding who they are). They can get shot at protecting our country and the right of others to hate and degrade them but they can't and don't have the same RIGHTS that the rest of us do. It is a sick society when one person feels good to bring another down just because of what they do in their own bedroom. Homophobia is a disgusting and ugly trait born out of fear and ignorance.

bigot: well they belong in the chow hall cooking my food or behind a desk. its against my religion an i dont agree with it

me: I hope you don't ever have to live the experience of having someone close to you, whom you love very deeply, encounter the type of bigotry and hate that you are willing to opening display on the internet. Please don't use a loving God as your pulpit for hate. (I actually made this my FB headline for the day!)

At this point, little bigot's friend (our mutual FB friend) said: oh wow this is getting a little heated...the whole point in debate is the fact that people believe in diff things... just because we dont believe in the same things doesnt mean hes wrong that is his opinion (Did I mention she has a gay sister serving in our military?)

me: It is like the saying; What Would Jesus Do? I feel it is a disrespect to a loving God to use him as an excuse to hate. I have a gay sister, you have a gay sister, your Aunt Robin has a gay daughter. I think when your own family is hated on it makes you see more clearly. I was simply cautioning (bigot) on USING God and abusing others in his good name. I wish all the best for (poor little bigot) and I truly hope he never has to witness his own hate being taken out on his family or friends. I woudln't wish that upon my worst enemy. It hurts more than he will ever understand.

Now the bigot of the day didn't respond and clearly his friend felt the need to defend him but not her sister. Maybe I was over the line. I was a gay defender before my sister came out. I was loving Matt and Aaron and had my very own gay following by the time she told me she was gay so I hate it when people say the that my gay sister is the reason I love the gays so. It is just NOT true. I believe things happen for a reason. This correspondence with the little bigot happened just HOURS before I saw Soldier's Girl. I had just witnessed out and out bigotry displayed openly on the internet for all to see. This boy had no shame in his opinion and that is a problem for me. As you can imagine I was completely fired up by the movie's end. Aaron was visibly devastated by the story and the closeness to home, if you will. He didn't sleep that night much and has brought it up to me a few times since then.

How is it that we have the Matthew Shepard Act but no Barry Winchell Act? Is it the military involvement? Is it all just a secret, swept under the rug? This incident did force then-President Bill Clinton to review the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy but it is still in place today as I type this. Barry was not a "gay" man. He fell in love with a woman who had not yet completed her trans "process". Calpernia Addams has since completed her gender reassignment surgery and now lives in LA. She has an on-line diary and remains active in gay rights issues. Reading her words over 10 years after Barry's death you can still feel her pain.

Calpernia Addams as she looks today

I don't understand how someone can serve in our military and defend the rights of others to hate on them but they are not entitled to all of those rights and priveledges themselves. I don't understand how this happened 11 years ago now and I am just now hearing about it. I don't understand how this could happen with so little media attention. I don't understand how my flamingly homosexual friend was there during this time and did such a good job of hiding who he is that he is alive today but Barry was straight and now he is dead. There is so much about this crime that we will never understand. The imporant thing here is to educate ourselves and others against hate and discrimination to that no one ever has to endure what Barry did.

Here is a link to Soldier's Girl:


Click here if you would like to see what happened to the animals that did this to Barry. I caution you, it was not enough.

I am off to write the president...

Honorable Mention

I can't give him the distinguisted honor of Man Candy Monday. 1st, he's a kid. 2nd, I don't really think he is that cute. These photos, however, are hot! Perhaps it is the straight man standing up for equality that gets me. I would bet on the naked chest though!

Here is Aaron Carter, taking it off for the No H8 Campaign

77 comments later...

I created a stir this week, a big one. It was on Facebook and really innocent enough. I was super duper hung over Tuesday and instead of my usual uplifting daily quote I updated my status with what was on my mind. (Big no-no for furture)

First I posted this: Lemme make sure I got this right. Just because I am not interested in you I must hate men or be a lesbian? Buddy, if my last chance for sex on earth were you or a woman, I will take the vajayjay. At least with a woman I would have a full head of hair to grab onto and I could avoid the stupid questions like "what's the ...wildest thing you've ever done?” Bang; dead douche walking. And he still almost went in for a kiss!

I was still clearly frustrated from Monday night's debauchery!

Second: Bottomless pit Tuesday over here at Hangover Hollow. 1 bagel and cream cheese, 8 cups of coffee, a 2 piece Church's Chicken lunch with double mashed taters and gravy WITH corn and fried okra (hangover remedy of champions) all before noon. Still hungry. (posted around 11am, not proud, just sayin')

I eat like a horse when I am hung over.

Third (This is the doozy that got panties in a bunch): Is it just me or does anyone else wonder where all of these millions for Haiti are really going?

I got 77 comments and 3 "likes". My issue is that most of these comments were politically driven. My friends come from all different walks of life and have varied opinions. This became a platform to hate on current reform, recent elections and become downright insulting to others' political views. WHERE IS THE FREAKING MONEY? I don't care who you voted for. I am very liberal in most of my views but perhaps this is one where I am more conservative. I don't see why our government, who has enough trouble of their own, sees the need to fork over millions of dollars to a corrupt government. This aid has been pouring in for weeks but we see little results on the ground.

Between the Hope for Haiti telethon, our government (in debt how many trillions?) and the millions of independent donors I think we can all agree the figure raised is upwards of 100 million. Does anyone have any idea the amount of interest earned on 100 million dollars, daily? How about this texting for the Red Cross? They are airing commercials on Clear Channel. Who is paying for that? Last I checked the Red Cross has out-of-hand administrative costs so something like $4 comes off the top of your donation to pay salaries, healthcare and for private jets. Where does the other $6 go? You can give an extra dollar anywhere and everywhere right now in the name of Haiti. Who is making sure that money get to the victims?

Let's be honest, for probably 50 million, you could level the whole country and start over. So where is the damned money? There is this little gem of a website: http://www.charitynavigator.org/ that makes you wonder when it is ok to ask where your money went. If you read long and hard enough it basically says you can't. In a few months you may get a general answer but nothing specific.

I am a giver. I am all about helping others. This whole scene reminds me of Katrina. I know they are not the same but the images of people in our country experiencing the same crisis did not evoke this level of concern. Our government did a terrible job of helping those in need here at home. I am not saying we deserve help more or less than the next person but shouldn't we take care of ourselves so we are better prepared to help others? We are not in a position as a country to help right now. American citizens are struggling each day. I talk to union workers who lose their jobs daily. I know many single moms who aren't sure where there next meal will appear from. I know Haiti deserves help. I know that, unfortunately, as Americans we are taught the best way to help is to send money. There seems to be a lot of money that remains unaccounted for. I am thinking the Haitians would do better with our prayers for a stable government. Or how about prayers that the relief we have already given will be received? How long will America continue to capitalize on this tragedy? I pray for a better way of life for them as they rebuild but I won't be sending my text to save Haiti anytime soon.

Come out, come out, wherever you are!

Today is officially De-Lurker Day! If you visit the Craw Digger and you do not comment today is the day that you step out of the shadows and show yourself! How can I reciprocate bloggy love if I don't know you are lurking? Come on, follow me!

1 small step for the gays but a giant leap for equality

Houston has it's very first gay mayor! Meet Annise Parker. She started her career as a gay activist and now she's running the 4th largest city in the nation! Interesting that the folks in Houston had a gay woman or a black man to choose from. That says a lot about where Texas is heading, in my opinion. Perhaps not so conservative right wing Christian afterall.

You can read the full story of Annise Parker's victory here.

Healing my hate

Itty bitty hater

Ohhhhhh, I gotst my panties in a big old bunch today. No big secret I am a gay lover (both happy and homo). I have been called a gay magnet which can actually be proved by many nights that there was 1 token gay who was almost immediately drawn to me. Perhaps I have ACCEPTANCE written in rainbow on my forehead. I have amazing Gaydar to the point that I have outed youngin’s before they knew they were gay. One of my very own gays suggested recently that my perfect job would be Ambassador to the Gay community. Now that is a job I could get on board with.
I think you can already see where this is going. This week in St. Louis the Fred Phelps’s family was visiting to spread their message of heartless, hateful and hurtful. My friend Ed over at SHOW ME NO HATE organized a peaceful protest against the Phelps family at a few local schools. I was unable to attend due to work obligations but everyone made white angel wings (large span to distract from the haters). These folks stood out in the cold, silently while this hate machine rolled on by. If Freddy had it his way none of the married couples standing in protest would be married. In fact, they would be arrested for their homosexual lifestyle or “deviant sexual behavior” as Fred prefers. The Phelps family got word of this peaceful protest and called the police. You see, Phelps and his family of haters uses their “poster children” (literally) to get the word out on the streets while Phelps himself spreads the devil’s word inside. Somehow he was frightened by a peaceful protest. This man is going into schools to spread his message of hate but he is threatened by a peaceful protest outside by a bunch of gays? I know Fred has never been close with the community, much less in a gay bar but I have never seen a real fight or violence. Lovers bitch fights, yes. Senseless violence, no.
I struggle with people like this. I wish them ill will, even death. They wish for the permanent disposal of my community, my people. Ed over at SHOW ME NO HATE did an interview with one of the local school newspapers after the peaceful protest and had this to say: We do not hate Fred Phelps or his Church. We actually love them. Judy Shepard (mother of the slain Matthew Shepard 10-years ago of which the Laramie Project was based on) once said to me, "Fred Phelps has helped our cause, our mission more than any other person on this planet." I totally agree with Judy. Fred Phelps is actually doing greatness by spreading his message of hate to people everywhere. [I know that sounds crazy and funny.] I think people look at his signs, his words and think, "Is that me? Do I hate the very same people?" Fred Phelps puts a mirror up to society that in turn helps people look at themselves and see the potential "hate" we all have and hide inside. It was not until recently I learned to really love what the Phelps family is doing for the LGBTQ community. [And it inspires me to look deeper into that mirror and let others look into a mirror.]
All I can say is wow, wow and wow. This is a man whose own marriage could hang in the balance of all of this voting for equality and he does not hate. I could really stand to learn a lesson from him. These images of children being used to promote hateful propaganda are just sickening to me. Can you imagine what kind of haters these kids will grow up to be? My attitude that people like the Phelps family should be eliminated from our galaxy does not promote my own message of love and peace. I hate to say this but it looks like I have a lot of work to do before I am ready for that Ambassador position.

"Poster Child"

P.S. Does anyone else think this is out and out child abuse? I know I have many mommy readers. I am interested what you think.

Oh, and here are some of the pics of SHOW ME NO HATE's peaceful protest:

I absolutely love this photo!

And the big rainbow flag, of course!

The photos at the bottom of the peaceful protest are courtesy of Tiffany Parrett. The small haters holding signs are courtesy of Chris Weiss. I also suggest a stop in to SHOW ME NO HATE to tell Ed what a great job he is doing!

I finally did it...

I kid. This picture did inspire me quite a while ago but I have been holding off on this post for months now because I know it showcases my crazy. I can no longer help myself so here goes. I have a HUGE issue with cattle trucks. There I said it. They say admitting you have a problem is the first step. I don’t feel any better. I have always had this really profound distaste for the treatment, housing conditions and slaughter practices of animals. I understand that back in the day it was necessary to kill our furry friends to keep alive but today we know so much more about meat consumption, hormones and disease that you would think we would be smarter. The average person has 5 pounds of undigested red meat in their bowels when they die. That is for AVERAGE people. What about people like Dan and my dad who eat 5-7 meals consisting of red meat weekly?

Growing up my nickname was Piggy. My favorite stuffed animal was my Ms. Piggy doll. It started a natural collection of pig figurines from my family. As I got older and understood how pigs actually live and die I was beside myself. In 1995 I decided to give up meat entirely. I was overweight and disgusted with my food choices up to that point. I remember my parents being angry at first but finally relaxing and accepting my decision but never catering to it. My mother still makes pork roast, pork steaks (big in the Lou), pork butt or piggy brisket. All the while affectionately calling me “piggy”. She does not cook me anything special. Most of the time she actually tries to serve me the swine.

I was off the meat entirely for about a year and I dropped significant weight (read ahead before you try this at home). So significant, in fact, that it concerned my doctor who ordered a colonoscopy. That is another blog in itself but I was diagnosed shortly after with Crohn’s Disease. I can’t say that my giving up meat was the definite reason I got Crohn’s but it did not help for me to change up the chemicals in my body so rapidly. I started eating very small amounts of red meat again for protein.

On to my real reason for posting, on my drive home I see an average of 2 cattle trucks per week. Sometimes they are empty and sometimes not. I try not to look because it is absolute torture for me to see the poor animals all cooped up with their own feces’ heading to slaughter. I actually touched on the subject in this post about my quirks that seem a bit crazy to me. Dan thinks that I am absolutely nuts when the subject comes up or, God forbid, he is with me when I pull up to a Killer Truck, as I affectionately refer to them. The worst was a few weeks ago when, try as I might, I could not stop myself from looking. I thought I was in the clear and the truck was empty but lo and behold once I got up next to it I realized that it was carrying little piglets with their cute little snouts poking out of the killer truck holes. I DIED.

I do, in fact, think often about just running them off of the road. They can die on impact or face a worse fate. Then I think about waste. If you are going to kill an animal you should use it for all that you can. The Indians (Native Americans) had the right idea by respecting the animal and not wasting. I realize that running the cattle truck off the road would be a waste, not to mention probably really hurt some killer-person and/or killer-company’s bottom line. And yes, I do still mouth “killer” to the driver if I happen to catch his eye. It is nothing personal. So my thought is that I will give up cow again. I really only eat fillet and the occasional ground beef in tacos or spaghetti. I don’t know what will make the pain go away. Gandhi said “Be the change you wish to see in the world” so I guess until I find a way to free the cattle I will at least give up that medium rare fillet. It hurts me but not as bad as seeing the Killer Trucks. You have to admit. Isn’t that cow so super cute freeing himself from slaughter in the photo above?

Defense of Marriage ACT----DOMA

The Defense of Marriage Act was signed into law in 1996 by then-President Bill Clinton during the height of his re-election bid. (REALLY?) The proposed purpose of this Act is to defend the sanctity of marriage and make sure that marriage is specifically defined as being between a man and a woman. Now if you are born a woman, have a sex change and then you want to marry your girlfriend…you can. As long as the added penile appendage makes you the opposite sex, it’s all legal. Watch, Chaz Bono is gonna do it.

We hear a lot about Civil Unions but I am not sure that most people, if any, understand what that really means. A Civil Union is basically a registered domestic partnership. It does not extend tax privileges, social security death benefits or many of the other “perks” that “traditional marriage” offers. A “marriage” is recognized across state lines, a civil union is not. Can you imagine crossing the state line and….POOF, you are not married anymore? All of the supposed rights and privileges of Civil Unions are null and void in the eyes of Federal Law as well. When you file your taxes, you check the SINGLE box. So even if the state you live in allows gay marriage, you are not afforded the Federal benefits of marriage because you are not recognized federally, which is a whole other issue unto itself. I digress. You cannot put your same-sex spouse’s children on your healthcare plan as they are not “legally” your kid but in a “traditional family” where mom has 8 babies by 5 different daddies; her 6th husband could cover all of the children that are not his because he has that piece of paper declaring him “married”.

Imagine this scenario: You are in a long term relationship with the love of your life. Your love is not recognized by the state that you live in so you are forced to settle with less rights and privileges than your fellow citizens. Your lover gets sick and can no longer work. You are not a “traditional family”; therefore you cannot add your partner of 10 years to your insurance because your state does not require extension of healthcare benefits to same-sex couples. So your love is sick, with no insurance, no income and you can’t even take off work to help our or take care of them because FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) does not allow for your situation either. Only “traditional families” need apply there as it is a FEDERAL perk for which your “union” is not recognized. Fast forward a few months and your love is dying in a hospital bed because they have no insurance. If you are not an immediate family member you can be turned away from visiting your love. You will not legally have the right to make life altering decisions for them because your “union” is not recognized. If your love dies and their family wants to make your life hell, they can. Many people jointly own a home in 1 persons name (due to lending laws on non-married borrowers, please don’t get me started there) so if your name is not on that house and your love dies, you have no where to live. Their family can strip you of your home if they so choose. You will not receive death benefits that your love paid their whole life so that their love could be cared for when they are gone. If you have children together, you could have a whole new struggle on your hands just to keep your kids under your roof. You might actually have to fight for custody of your children against family members or the state.

Civil Unions are a separate and unequal means to shut-up the gay community, as are “registered domestic partnerships”. What a joke! The one thing that I really don’t understand about the DOMA is that it is fiercely led by religious communities. I understand the far right has some far-out ideas of homosexuality being like bestiality and if we let gays marry we might as well all screw sheep. They also have this idea that one can be “saved” from the pits of homosexuality. I find most of the folks who need saving have a massive Jesus complex coupled with the old, “my mommy didn’t love me so I secretly sleep with men”. I don’t understand what difference it would make to the churchies or recovering gay addicts to just live and let live. How does my sister being able to legally marry her wife have any bearing on you? Does it affect your relationship? Does it take away your rights? Will you become…unmarried when you cross the state line? Do you think it is an epidemic that will render you powerless to the draw of the same sex? If you are a DOMA defender I really do want to hear from you…although I doubt you would be reading this here blog:-)

This all started because HRC, the Human Rights Campaign (you know, the blue and yellow equality sign), e-mailed me asking for my support in contacting my local representatives with my story. The question was: Please explain to us how the DOMA is affecting you and your family. My response is below.

Re: DOMA

My sister and her wife (they were married in Canada but are not recognized as a married couple here in the land of the free) cannot get tax benefits, survivor benefits or even the right to be the decision maker for each other in the event of a medical crisis. Their employers are not required to provide health coverage to "non-traditional" families. There are few laws for hate crimes based on sexual orientation so they could be mugged, murdered and raped BECAUSE of their sexual orientation and that would be ok according to the laws that govern us. They can both be legally dismissed/fired/let go from their jobs in the state that we live in for disclosing their sexual orientation. My biggest issue with DOMA is using God as an excuse. What happened to separation of church and state? Land of the free, home of the brave? Life, liberty and the pursuit of HAPPINESS? Anyone care anymore?

Some of my favorite examples of the sanctity of marriage:
Britney’s 55 hour marriage to Jason Alexander
Governor Mark Sanford- cheating in Buenos Aires
Zsa Zsa Gabor- married 9 times….9 times! 1 was for just 1 day!
Pam and Kid- married just 4 months
Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon- married just 2 months
Eddie Murphy and Tracey E. Edmonds- They had that “civil union” but never officially married and split just 2 weeks after their ceremony.
Nicholas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley- 3.5 months
Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney- 4 months
Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra- Dennis called no joy after 2 weeks but they remained “married” for 6 months
J. Lo and Chris Judd as well as Ojani Noa (I know, I forgot him too!)
Jim Carey and Lauren Holly- 9 months
Helen Hunt and Hank Azaria- 11 months
John Edwards could have been our president while he was making babies with someone other than his wife.
Mark Foley- e-mailed his young mail pages with requests for BJ’s
Eliot Spitzer- prostitution scandal
The Lewinsky scandal

Ok, so you get my point on the sanctity of marriage then, right? The only way to create change is to talk about issues and bring about understanding. Most people do not understand DOMA. When Prop 8 (or H8) as I prefer to call it went on the ballot in California it was:

Yes to be against gay marriage (Yes to take their rights)

No to be for Gay Marriage (No, don’t be a bigot)

There was only a 4% swing to the other side. I am going to say that is a tricky question, that, when worded more clearly in the future will hopefully be thrown out altogether. I believe that we were all created equal. I believe we are all entitled to the same rights and privileges as the next person. I believe it is time that we start backing up the values that this country was founded on.

Reach out and touch faith

On one had I can see LDS's point, it is private property. On the other hand, I liken it to the private country club that wouldn't let the minority children swim in their pool. Is private just another word for bigot now? Does private make it ok to make people seperate and not equal? What do you think?