Your daily dose of hypocrisy...

The Vatican was rocked by scandal this week after "a gentleman of his holiness" was caught on wire tap ordering young men for his pleasure; a male prostitution ring at the Vatican, if you will. The investigation started because this man was accused of swaying public works contracts to "favoured bidders". Once the wire tap was in place the police discovered that this man was actually ordering young men, some of whom were in training for priesthood. You can read the full story here. I bet the Pope is proud, proud, proud.

Today, because we are so lucky, we have 2 full doses of hypocrisy. Anti-Gay rights republican Senator Roy Ashton was arrested Wednesday leaving a gay club in Sacramento. He was pulled over for erratic driving around 2 am and arrested for DUI. The 'unidentified male' (Does this remind anyone of Sex In The City when Stanford is photographed with Smith Jarred for a magazine and he is listed as the "unidentified older gay gentleman"?) passenger was released but not before admitting he left the club with Mr. Ashton. Anyhoot, with a wife and 4 kids at home, what was this guy doing out at a gay bar called Faces until 2am with a male caller? I think we can all guess that one. Blow jobs don't count, right?

Senator Roy Ashton

Fun Fact: St. Louis used to have a gay club called Faces. It had a dark room like Babylon on Queer as Folk. I went in once. I will never forget the smell and I would NEVER go back. They have no ladies room (it is actually borded up) so I have had a catfight or 2 in the bathroom with unaccepting gay men. My boys were there to back me up, of course. A bartender at Faces once smelled my neck and said, "I smell straight". I guess you can dance in a cage in a gay club but you can't hide your sexuality for one damn second.

Meet Dan Choi

I am writing my final research paper for my comp class this week. The assignment was to pick a topic that we are passionate about. It has to be a current news story that will spark a debate. I chose the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell. We all know that I am passionate about gay rights. After watching Soldier's Girl a few weeks ago and witnessing the horror that my friend Aaron felt at knowing this senseless killing took place on his military base while he was serving there, I could not help but jump to that topic. In researching my subject I learned so much. My thesis statement is: Don't Ask Don't Tell is bankrupting our country while compromising national security. I will post my paper when it is completed and graded but for now I want to share with you the thing that sparked debate for me more than anything.

Dan Choi was an Arabic linguist and West Point Graduate. He served in Iraq as a platoon leader in 2007 and 2008. In total he gave 10 years of service as a gay man under Don't Ask Don't Tell. In 2008, upon his return from Iraq he sparked a romance with a man. No longer willing to lie about who and what he was he went on the Rachel Maddow show in March 2009 and declared, "I am gay". This is an act of professional suicide when you are in the military. He was immediately sent a notice of discharge from the United States military. He was given the option to leave quietly with honorable discharge or to fight it. Dan Choi chose to fight. His own unit leader did not push for discharge. He actually spoke up in defense of the highly trained and respected Choi. Less than 1 year later, after much activism work and the attitude that he would never back down, Dan Choi was invited back to drill training with his unit in February of 2010.

What a risk to take in the name of being honest about who you are? Dan started Knights Out, which is a group of West Point grads who have come together to demand the repeal of DADT. He regularly speaks at events about equality and gay rights. This year in June he will serve as Grand Marshall of the New York City pride parade. Dan has a website that does not give many details, I assume because of his current position in the military. He was not discharged but he is still in violation of the current law which means he can be discharged at any time. I e-mailed Dan through his website to ask for more information and also to let him know what a hero he is. So many Americans follow the grid; do as they are told and let the man be in control. This is a shining example of how one person can change things for many. That is not to say that I feel like repealing Don't Ask Don't Tell was reintroduced strictly because of Dan Choi but his activism and fighting spirit sure helped it along. True heroes usually fall through the cracks. I think Dan Choi is a hero to many so I wanted to formally introduce you.

The cadet prayer states: “choose the harder right over the easier wrong” and to “never be content with a half truth when the whole can be won.” How can you say that is your prayer and then tell someone it is not ok to be openly gay? I found it interesting also that while homosexual conduct can get you discharged, heterosexual conduct cannot. Just to show you how archaic our rules and regulations are: Current US policy in the Uniform Code of Military Justice actually does prohibit sodomy and oral sex, even among consenting adults and married couples.

Some other notable facts:

More than 100 retired admirals and generals support repeal.

73 percent of military personnel are comfortable with lesbians and gays (Zogby International, 2006).

Majority of weekly churchgoers (60 percent), conservatives (58 percent), and Republicans (58 percent) now favor repeal.

The younger generations, those who fight America's 21st century wars, largely don't care about whether someone is gay or not-and they do not link job performance with sexual orientation. One in four U.S. troops who served in Afghanistan or Iraq knows a member of their unit who is gay (Zogby, 2006). Since 2001, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" discharges have declined by almost half.

During every major military conflict the number of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" discharges has dropped.

In 1993 Rand Corp. concluded that openly gay people in the U.S. military do not negatively impact unit cohesion, morale, good order, or military readiness. Several other military-commissioned and GAO studies have concluded that open service does not undermine military readiness, troop morale or national security.

75% of Americans support gays serving openly - up from just 44 percent in 1993 (ABC News/Washington Post, 2008).

Just a little food for thought on this fine Thursday.

OFFICIAL: NO H8 and another explaination for the uninformed

Official No H8 photos have been posted. I have gay people asking me what this movement is all about. I blogged about the No H8 campaign here when we attended the photo shoot back in January. You can read about the campaign on the official No H8 website. This group started out as celebrities having their photo taken with the No H8 tattoo and duck tape on their mouth to support gay marriage. The campaign went nationwide and there are now photo shoots all over the world to gain momentum for this campaign and to put an end to hate and discrimination. There will be a huge display of all of these photos from all over the world. If you are gay and you do not know this information I request that you relinquish your gay card to me directly with a written apology to your community OR you can sign up to have your photo taken in a city near you. You decide.

My official No H8 photo by John Elkins taken at NP's in St. Louis

My sister's official photo. My father would die to know that she is wearing his dog tags!

Our official No H8 photo together. Yes, I did let them write on my face with a Sharpie!

Soldier's Girl

I had dinner with my gay boyfriend, Aaron, on Monday night. I went to his place and he cooked a wonderful meal. I took some chocolate infused red wine and we enjoyed a gay movie during dinner, as we usually do. Most of the time the movie consists of bad acting, poor sex scenes and chemistry and little to no plot. Rarely does a gay man have a friend to watch a gay movie with so I suffer it for him. This time was different. So different that it has taken me 3 days and a call to my therapist to write this post.

This is the movie cover

Aaron rented Soldier's Girl (I posted a clip at the end of this post) from Netflix. My gay husband, Matt, who is a friend of both Aaron and myself, actually suggested that I watch this movie about a year ago when I house sat for him. He assured me I would love it but I never made it around to watching it. The film is a true story based in Fort Cambell, Kentucky on the military base. Aaron was a military man prior to coming out and was based at Fort Cambell so the story immediately struck a cord with him. At first, I could tell it was fun for him to see the places and things that he had done way back when. He said he had heard about a young gay man being beaten severely with a baseball bat prior to his coming to base. That story made him even more afraid of his comrades finding him out and he remained deep in the closet during his time on base. I have seen photos of him during his time at Fort Cambell and even my gaydar would not have sounded.

The movie started out easy enough. The main character is a straight man, Barry Winchell, who is doing his basic training at Fort Cambell. Barry goes out one night, at the urging of his friends, to a bar and meets a male-to-female transgendered performer named Calpernia Addams. The 2 began dating immediately. Barry has a roommate that questions his own sexuality while being disgusted with Barry for doing the same. The roommate starts to spread rumors, Barry is ridiculed on base and questioned by sargents. This is not a happy, feel-good ending wrapped up in 2 hours or less. Let's just say that Aaron's story of that poor boy who was beaten is explained when you see Soldier's Girl. Barry Winchell was that boy and he was not just beaten but beaten to death. We discovered after having watched the movie and seeing the dates and outcome at the end that Aaron was there when this horrible crime took place. He could have been Barry Winchell.

Troy Garity and Lee Pace posing as Barry and Calpernia

The real Barry Winchell

The Don't Ask, Don't Tell debate has been prevelent in the media again recently. Just last week I had a Facebook debate about this very topic. I know a young girl in Ohio who has a gay sister in the military. Her sister posted a headline: 'You don't have to be straight to shoot straight'. I like that a lot. The little sister liked it too, so much so that she reposted it. One of the little sister's friends, a man who happens to be active military, made a comment which made me furious. Here is our exchange:

bigot (to protect the guilty hater): i dont like the idea of a gay guy next to me in combat

me: I am not sure I understand why being a gay man has anything to do with saving a life or protecting a country. I say if (bigot name here) doesn't like the idea of going in with gay back-up then go in alone. It's your choice. And I hate to tell ya but gay men (and women) have been surving our military for years (all the while hiding who they are). They can get shot at protecting our country and the right of others to hate and degrade them but they can't and don't have the same RIGHTS that the rest of us do. It is a sick society when one person feels good to bring another down just because of what they do in their own bedroom. Homophobia is a disgusting and ugly trait born out of fear and ignorance.

bigot: well they belong in the chow hall cooking my food or behind a desk. its against my religion an i dont agree with it

me: I hope you don't ever have to live the experience of having someone close to you, whom you love very deeply, encounter the type of bigotry and hate that you are willing to opening display on the internet. Please don't use a loving God as your pulpit for hate. (I actually made this my FB headline for the day!)

At this point, little bigot's friend (our mutual FB friend) said: oh wow this is getting a little heated...the whole point in debate is the fact that people believe in diff things... just because we dont believe in the same things doesnt mean hes wrong that is his opinion (Did I mention she has a gay sister serving in our military?)

me: It is like the saying; What Would Jesus Do? I feel it is a disrespect to a loving God to use him as an excuse to hate. I have a gay sister, you have a gay sister, your Aunt Robin has a gay daughter. I think when your own family is hated on it makes you see more clearly. I was simply cautioning (bigot) on USING God and abusing others in his good name. I wish all the best for (poor little bigot) and I truly hope he never has to witness his own hate being taken out on his family or friends. I woudln't wish that upon my worst enemy. It hurts more than he will ever understand.

Now the bigot of the day didn't respond and clearly his friend felt the need to defend him but not her sister. Maybe I was over the line. I was a gay defender before my sister came out. I was loving Matt and Aaron and had my very own gay following by the time she told me she was gay so I hate it when people say the that my gay sister is the reason I love the gays so. It is just NOT true. I believe things happen for a reason. This correspondence with the little bigot happened just HOURS before I saw Soldier's Girl. I had just witnessed out and out bigotry displayed openly on the internet for all to see. This boy had no shame in his opinion and that is a problem for me. As you can imagine I was completely fired up by the movie's end. Aaron was visibly devastated by the story and the closeness to home, if you will. He didn't sleep that night much and has brought it up to me a few times since then.

How is it that we have the Matthew Shepard Act but no Barry Winchell Act? Is it the military involvement? Is it all just a secret, swept under the rug? This incident did force then-President Bill Clinton to review the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy but it is still in place today as I type this. Barry was not a "gay" man. He fell in love with a woman who had not yet completed her trans "process". Calpernia Addams has since completed her gender reassignment surgery and now lives in LA. She has an on-line diary and remains active in gay rights issues. Reading her words over 10 years after Barry's death you can still feel her pain.

Calpernia Addams as she looks today

I don't understand how someone can serve in our military and defend the rights of others to hate on them but they are not entitled to all of those rights and priveledges themselves. I don't understand how this happened 11 years ago now and I am just now hearing about it. I don't understand how this could happen with so little media attention. I don't understand how my flamingly homosexual friend was there during this time and did such a good job of hiding who he is that he is alive today but Barry was straight and now he is dead. There is so much about this crime that we will never understand. The imporant thing here is to educate ourselves and others against hate and discrimination to that no one ever has to endure what Barry did.

Here is a link to Soldier's Girl:


Click here if you would like to see what happened to the animals that did this to Barry. I caution you, it was not enough.

I am off to write the president...

Honorable Mention

I can't give him the distinguisted honor of Man Candy Monday. 1st, he's a kid. 2nd, I don't really think he is that cute. These photos, however, are hot! Perhaps it is the straight man standing up for equality that gets me. I would bet on the naked chest though!

Here is Aaron Carter, taking it off for the No H8 Campaign

NO H8

Last night my sister and I went to the local lesbian bar where they were doing a photo shoot for the No H8 campaign in St. Louis. No H8 was born out of necessity and in direct contrast to The Defense Of Marriage Act (DOMA) (it is important to know what and who we are up against) which was created by the churchies as a way to defend "traditional marriage". You know, like Brittney's 55 hour hook-up, Tiger's sacred union, Liz Taylor's 8 marriages...you get my point. I feel like when we say we are all created equal we should back that up. There is no loophole that says we are all equal UNLESS you sleep with the same sex. You can read the entire story of the No H8 campaign by clicking on the link. I love the idea of it. Basically they take individual or group photos of you in a v-neck t-shirt with electrical tape over your mouth and a No H8 tattoo on your face. I have been wanting to attend a photo shoot for some time but the timing never worked out for me. Yesterday it did and I am really glad I went. The official campaign photo is taken with a white background. I will have a copy eventually but I certainly did my own amatuer photography in the meantime.

Here I am in all of my glory.
My sister wearing dad's dog tags. He would just love that.
Sissy and me

Mighty fine self portrait if I do say so myself.

My luva Kris and his gorgeous dimples!

My sister and her friend that works at NP's where the photo shoot was held.

Jim the bartender

Me and Dan, yet anotha gay luva;-) Interesting fact, he used to date my gay hubby.

Nancy Novak and Dan. Nancy owns Novak's, NP's and Bar 5 the 3 biggest lesbian bars in St. Louis. Probably the biggest gay bars but who am I to say?

My sis and her buddy, I can't recall her name but she was a doll

Now we are getting drunk, as I let them write on my face with SHARPIE! Aren't we cute though?

My very favorite Queen, Dieta Pepsi

Nancy and me. Pretty sure she slipped me the tongue.

Zac is a co-worker of my sister-in-law. He might think we are crazy. He might be right.

The obligatory self portrait!

I am proud of St. Louis. Our mayor came to have his photo taken and was quoted in the local newspaper saying: "We all really are more alike than we are different," Slay said. "We have to be more accepting as a community." He said that differences in ethnicity, religion, talent and sexual preference are things that should be celebrated, not divisive. I love that we have elected officials who finally feel like I do. I am proud that so many gay people and their family and friends came out to support this project. I am proud that I could attend with my very own gay sister and run into so many great people of the community on a Sunday night. I had a little bit too much to drink. Thank the Baby Jesus I was off for MLK day today as I didn't drag myself home until almost 4am. I might have kissed a ton of lesbians, gay boys and a drag queen but I had a fantastic time. I donated to a great cause and I was a part of something bigger than even I comprehend at this moment.

P.S. Hubby did my hair on Saturday and it is just absolutely fabulous. Loving the new color!

Man Candy Monday- For God and the gays

This week's Man Candy Monday is a big gay tribute. The people I have chosen this week were 2 of the most influential singers/songwriters of the year AND both happened to be huge influences in the gay community as well.

This week I give you Adam Mitchell Lambert!

He won American Idol in May of this year.
Then he made history when he (insert Gay gasp here) made out with a male guitarist on stage!
He pushes the envelope.
And within 6 months of fame, came out as a gay man at his very young age.

Not that we needed an anouncement.

I love that he performs on the edge.

And has his own style.

He doesn't care what critics say.

He is who he is and makes no excuses for that.

I couldn't pass up this gem.

AND he's hot!

Even in drag...

Or simply dressed as a rockstar.

He seems very genuine.

I love that he makes no apologies for who he is or what he does.

Clearly he has a sense of humor.

And he cleans up nicely.

But mostly he's a diva.

And I love that.

It takes balls sometimes to step outside of the normal and be yourself.

Or a more feminine version of yourself.

But still be goofy and fun.Amist all of the chaos of life.

My choice for lovely lady lesbian licks this week has so many of those same qualities. She is not affraid to be herself and seems to thrive on being different.

I give you Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta or as we all affectionately refer to her LADY GAGA!

Like our man candy, this little lady is young at just 23 years old.

Her success came as a songwriter at first until Akon discovered her vocal talents.

Did I mention that she has a style all her own?

She reminds me of Madonna in the early years.

And sooooo sexy!

A close-up on that.

Livin' on the edge...

She started out doing burlesque shows until her music career took off.

Oh, and don't forget she's a gay icon "In the music industry there's still a tremendous amount of accommodation of homophobia. So I'm taking a stand," she commented

"The turning point for me was the gay community. I've got so many gay fans and they're so loyal to me and they really lifted me up. They'll always stand by me and I'll always stand by them. It's not an easy thing to create a fanbase."

When presented with an award last year she ended her acceptance speech with: "This is for God and the gays".

She is one of the top selling new artists of all time.

Her song Poker Face talks about her bisexuality and the face she puts on for the men who think she is as into them as women.

She looks like Shera here. She says she changed her dark hair blond to avoid Amy Winehouse comparisons.

She really is a very beautiful woman under all of that getup.

With quite a body on her, if I do say so myself.

My all-time favorite GaGa outfit from Haus of GaGa.