one night only

My recent single status has brought to light something that needs addressed, immediately. What I am about to say may shock and offend some; use caution as you read ahead. I have never had a one-night stand! There, I said it, it is out there now. I am not sure why but a lot of my friends are shocked by this. I am a free spirit and I usually do what feels good so I can see where there might be some confusion. The thing is; I am a relationship girl. I hate to admit it but I always have been. Back in the day it was really my MO to jump from one relationship to another. (I am not proud, just stating the facts) I don’t think I spent more than a few months single from junior high all the way to 21 years old. Even then, I left my ex fiancé and pretty quickly started dating Sam. I did finally take a break from relationships on mine and Sam’s off-and-on times and I went completely without sex. Don’t get me wrong, I am a huge fan of self-pleasing so I was not celibate but it sure felt like it at times. I missed the human connection but not the bullshit that comes with a boyfriend so it was a good trade off for a time. There were 2 “breaks” that Sam and I took where I went over a year without sex. This was a conscious decision that I made for myself in an effort to concentrate on me and what I wanted. I spent a lot of time in gay bars and avoiding men in general so it worked out famously. In the end the only thing that I wanted at the time was to get drunk and party. So that is what I did.

The few short term, mostly sexual, encounters that I did have were with people that I knew really well. One person in particular I know for a fact I only slept with a 2nd time to avoid making it a one-night stand but I had known him for over 10 years! Thinking back on that makes me think that I have some sort of inner issue with the one-nighter. My problem with getting my head around that theory is the absolute pride and joy that I take from hearing of my girls being able to go out and get them some with no regrets or bad self image. I encourage them! Keep in mind I was raised by a pig of a man who said all women were sluts at some point or another. Perhaps daddy dearest has something to do with this too. The one and only person I have had sex with once, and only once, was a dear friend whom I had very deep feelings for at the time, so I can’t count that either.

To me a one-night stand is meeting a stranger, taking them home to savage them and sending them on their way in the morning. Why can’t I get my head around this and just do it? I love Sex and the City and I celebrate their conquests, why not my own? Well, for one thing I have that whole “emotional connection” thing. I somehow got it into my head that if I am not emotionally connected in some way, the sex will be no good. Perhaps I think I will feel cheap, dirty or used? I think my bigger issue is that I have never done it so I can’t see the other side of the coin, the greener grass, if you will. See, with a one-night stand there is no worry about satisfying the other person. There is no pressure to impress. There is nothing but taking care of you. I can do that!

Some of you may remember this post a few months ago about my emotional connection to a friend. I think back on that night and it was completely my decision to keep that “cuddle session” strictly platonic. My first one-night stand can’t be with someone I know and actually like as a person, can it? How would you keep it to one night when you know and see someone that much? More importantly, why did I think it over so much instead of just DOING it? It is not like he wouldn’t respect me later. I would certainly have no problems respecting myself. In fact, I think I might have respected myself more! Why the hesitation? I am single, STD free and well over the age of consent. What is my problem? What if it wasn’t even a one-night stand and actually could have become a nice fuck-buddy arrangement? I mean, shit, what is my problem?

These last few months I have really contemplated this subject. I know it seems stupid but I can’t go another year or more with just me and my vibrator. This time around single is different, maybe because I am older and wiser. I know what I want for the most part and I definitely know what I won’t settle for. I am concentrated on making decisions focusing on myself and my future. I know that when the time is right, and once I am completely happy with every aspect of me and my life on my own, the right person will come along to truly enhance my life. Until then, who do I do? I am not much of a drinker so meeting people in bars is no good. I don’t really want to take some crazy home anyway. I pride myself on being a good judge of character but you can never be too careful when your va-jay-jay is involved. I just don’t know where to turn. How do I break myself of this terrible curse? I know if I posted some sort of plea that the offers would come rolling in. Perhaps I should just call Mr. Cuddles and get it over with. I don’t know what to do. I am pretty sure the next time opportunity presents itself I am going to POUNCE on it though;-)