On edge...don't push me!

I try not to be a complainer. Everyone has struggles in life. Every day cannot be perfect. I am grateful for what I have, I really am. Even when I am not happy with the way things are going, I try my hardest to show gratitude. Lately, it is getting harder and harder to not beat certain people about the head while asking, "What the hell has gotten into you?" There are many people that I feel could use this treatment but none more so than my boss. I have refrained from openly discussing this on my blog because I do appreciate my job (more so the paycheck it provides) and although I don't share my blog with my co-workers, it is out there on the web for anyone to find. Today I decided that I just don't care anymore. I hate my boss! I said it. I feel liberated. I used to make excuses about how he was a good dad, a good man and a good provider so I wouldn't be so hard on him for being a scatter-brained idiot. The truth, however, has leaked out over time and I am done pretending. I think he might have a serious mental problem. I know for a fact that he is part of an interracial dating site that his homely little wife would not appreciate. He looks at porn at work. I have walked in more than once to inappropriate images on his computer.

When I started this job in the finance industry it was just before the fall of the stock market. I was very clear in my interview that I don't believe in the stock market and I had no interest in being licensed AT ALL. At the time, that was ok. 5 people held my position before me and NOT ONE OF THEM made it through the first 90 days. I was hired to do marketing and event coordinating. Mostly it was explained to me that I would coordinate, set-up and carry out union seminars on pre-retirement. Within months of starting that goal was in the toilet and since then we have jumped around to about 15 directions, all the while wasting time and money. A few months ago my boss comes up with the call strategy for me to call local businesses. Long story short, our compliance department says no way unless I have a license. So my boss reiterates to me for the 900th time since I started that I would make more if I were licensed. He would let me use work time to study. He is selling me on the benefits of getting a license that I have told him no less than 100 times that I am not interested in. At this point I feel like he is threatening my job.

My co-worker got her license a few years ago and got a $10,000 a year raise. She didn't want the license either and loathed every second of it. This is not an easy test. It is information about investments that I could give 2 shits about. If I have no interest, things are that much harder for me to retain. I have my property and casualty insurance license so I know firsthand. I've thought about this before. I pretty much knew he was not a man of his word and this would keep coming up. For me to take on something like this in an industry I hate, for a man I despise, to learn about something I don't believe in, I am going to need a LOT of money. I am thinking $15K a year, $7500 up front and $7500 after I pass. I loathe the idea of this but my alternative for now is the unemployment line and we all know how that is looking.

I have been super down about this whole situation recently. I had it in check for a long while. I was concentrating on school and my future. I was grateful to have a job, yada, yada, ya. Now this fucker wants to meet with me daily and I can't stand more than 5 minutes with him. He is one of these super distracted types, ADD and then some. He can't complete a thought, let alone a sentence. He does a lot of repeating as well as "Uuuuummmm", "Uuuuuuuuuu", "duuuuuuuh". I have no patience for it. Absolutely none! He got frustrated yesterday because he didn't like what I was saying (I was simply telling him what I learned from compliance) so he yelled at me. If we have ever met IRL you know I don't take kindly to yelling. I did raise my voice and make myself super clear. Then I gently brought the conversation back around letting him know how inappropriate he was. I said a little prayer after this that the universe would open up new opportunities for me and allow me a way out.

I have been casually looking for jobs (on work time). I would love to find something in my field of study so I can be working towards a common goal with work and school. This morning my sister e-mailed me this from her HR director:

The firm is seeking a Client Care Representative to join the team. If you know someone who has customer service experience, a passion for working with people, strong phone and computer skills who may be interested in this position, please contact me. Thanks!

Her headline said, "Everything happens for a reason". Of course I sent her my resume within minutes. I don't want to get my hopes up but that is right up my alley. She works for one of the biggest divorce firms in St. Louis and I want to be a child advocate in divorces so that is at least a step in the right direction! I am eternally grateful that the universe is showing me there are options. (Thanks to you too, Sissy!)This might not be my job but it gives me renewed hope that there is one out there for me. It makes me less stressed about my current boss and his douchebaggery. My plan is to push off this whole licensing idea for as long as possible. Then, if I have to, I will tell him my conditions. I don't think he will go for a $15K a year raise but if he does I guess I will start my studies. Let's all pray to the Baby Jesus (or whomever you believe in) that I find another job before:

A) I am forced to study for something I don't want or need and won't use after this job

B)I become violent and offensive to the stupid fuck who signs my checks.

I guess I will add:

C) or the dumb fucker finds my blog and fires me.