Old Ex Update

My self discovery trek has taken me to the edges of sanity and back. I have learned a hell of a lot about me in the past few weeks (or 31 years, depending on how you look at it). I wrote this post last week about a nasty e-mail to an ex that I found in my saved e-mails. I was not proud of the way I handled the situation and I wasn't sure how to correct it. I am all about honesty blogging this year so I posted the e-mail in it's entirety to my blog. It was not easy as it put my most raw and vulnerable self out there for all to see (and judge). I felt great about the feedback that I got. I pondered whether I was feeling guilty or sorry. I thought about contacting him vs. just letting it go. Anna made a good point that if I was doing it to make myself feel better it was probably better to just leave well enough alone. In the end, I know him to be a sensitive guy and I felt like he looked back with sadness or regret and I didn't want that. I wanted him to know that I do think well of him and despite my horrible, hateful and awful words; I do still remember the good times.

My plan was to friend request him on Facebook. He has been popping up for months as a suggested friend. I knew there was a possibility that he would ignore me and in that case I would not have gone any further. Alas, he accepted my friend request late last week and then I got major writers block. What to say now? This is what I came up with and sent on Monday:

I was going through some old e-mails and correspondence recently and I came across an e-mail you sent to me back in 2007. I hope that things between us are water under the bridge at this point but I was not proud of the things that I said to you in my response. I was hurt but that is no excuse for being mean. I don't even know if you remember this so I won't go into detail but I want you to know that I do think well of you. I look back fondly on our time together and I remember the good way more than the bad at this point. I'm sorry my pain in the past kept me from letting you know that you were not the horrible person you were beating yourself up for being. I am sure you are in a much better and happier place now but I didn't want you looking back and think that all I have is bad memories. There was too much good to have you thinking badly of either of us. I hope all is well with you. Take Care, Toni

I did not expect any response but I sent it off feeling love in my heart for him for the first time in a long time. We had a tumultuous relationship and, quite frankly, I didn't think of him for so long that it is quite a surprise to now be able to think of him in a positive way again. Time does heal. Today I came into work, got onto my FB and I had this from him:

No worries. I was an asshole at times and realize that my decisions in life have had consequences. I think of you, and the good times we shared often..... way more than the bad. I'm sorry for hurting you as well and now that we have both grown up it is refreshing to have this talk. Thank you for being a "bigger" person and reaching out. Hope all is well with you and your family. Love always, Sam

Why does he have to be so nice? Love always? Now what?