Thursday, May 7, 2009

“It’s not having what you want; it’s wanting what you’ve got”-----Sheryl Crow

Happiness really is a state of mind. It is not an emotion that you sometimes feel when things are good like I used to think. It is a conscious effort everyday to look on the bright side. It is actually BECAUSE you feel happy that you are happy. You have locked in a positive thought process (Positive Polly, I call her) and there is no stopping you. When bad things happen there are two choices:

1. You can lay down, wallow in misery and give up the fight (never been my strong suit)


2. You can persevere through bad times with a most positive attitude.

Clearly there will be days that you cannot pick yourself up from the wallow to persevere. Those are the days that you phone a friend to pick you up. A good friend will come running because they have felt that despair and would never want you to remain in that place.

There will always be disappointments to life. Dwelling on them does not make them smaller, less significant or less scary. If you think about it, dwelling does just the opposite. It is an opportunity for your negative self to shine. Negative Nelly, as I call her, is put into the driver’s seat to make sure that you spiral down as far as she can take you. Warning: Nelly will crash you right into the rock at the bottom!

It is hard sometimes to discern from day to day if you are more Polly or Nelly. Also equally confusing is when your friends allowing Nelly to drive them. They can cause you to hit the rock at the bottom with them. If you cannot help that friend and bring them back to a more positive place, you owe it to yourself to get away. I never realized how much surrounding yourself with positive people, feelings and aura can make such a difference. When I read The Secret last year it was all about a positive thought process. If you think you are good enough, you are. If you imagine abundance, you will have it. Whatever you want from life is yours if you just ask for it. It teaches you to be grateful for what you have, everyday.

My hormonal rage recently sent me “back to the beginning” of my quest for that happy state of mind. I was feeling so down that I didn’t even notice that I was spiraling out of control. There were many factors that contributed to my spiral, none more so than me, myself and I. I was also allowing other people’s feelings and judgments of me and my life affect me in a way that they did not deserve, nor did I. I am the one that allowed it so there is no one to blame but me. It is a very hard thing to determine sometimes that you can no longer accept Nelly in your life, especially if she has rooted herself into someone you care about.

Unfortunately, one knows if they have negative influences in their life. Knowing and having the courage to make a change can be 2 completely different things. I will liken it to a bad relationship ending. You dread the end that you know is inevitable. You might put it off for weeks, months or years to avoid dealing with it. But then you address the issue, remove yourself from the negative hold and POOF; you are healed. You wonder to yourself “why didn’t I do that sooner?” You say, “If I had known things would be like this, I would have done this long ago”. We have all been there. It is a part of reflection of life. You forget that feeling until it happens to you again and then you suddenly remember, “oh, yeah…this is how I felt last time I let fear hold me back and I got the same sense of relief from letting it go.” It is one of the most amazing feelings in the world.

I have clearly experienced this sense of relief recently, in quite a few situations actually. As I start to face my fears about the future I remind myself of the relief that comes with letting go and taking chances. I am so much more confident in myself and my own life since I stopped worrying. I believe that all things will work out as they were meant to. We all have our place and goals in this life and it is important that we follow our hearts as well as our own path. It is also very important that we support and love one another. People might make decisions in their life that you don’t agree with. To love and support means just that, you love and support without judgment while keeping a positive state of mind for yourself and that person.

I look back over the first 30 years of my life and some of my biggest risks brought the best rewards. Where would I be if I hadn’t?

-left home at 16 (I learned a lot, depending on just me)

-allowed the Gramlich’s to love me and support me (I never let my parents do that)

-left Chad against everyone’s advice (this is a biggie) Holy, hell…where would I be?

-took years off of dating to be me and figure me out (Best thing I did for myself…ever)

-opened my heart to the love of someone else’s child (wow!)

-accepted that parents make mistakes and they are people too (huge)…maybe they did love me after all (This took longer than most)

-left collections (a job I hated) for commission income (scary)

-taken those 3 months in Colorado to get my mind right (Sure did rest HIGH on that mountain)

-let go of many negative influences over the years (sometimes painful but necessary part of growth)

-acknowledged to myself that I deserve to give and receive love (years of therapy)

Those are some big risks that had huge rewards. There have also been risks that came with failure but I always learned a very important lesson from them. I don’t see them as failure at all, just learning experiences; lots and lots of learning experiences. Holy unload, Batman. Thanks to the blogging world for letting me unleash all of that into the blogosphere. Happy day to all!

Love and Peace, T


  1. I am so glad you have come to this place in your life and I am so proud of you. You really do deserve to be happy and you will figure more things out each and every passing year. You are taking on the right attitude and I see it only working out in wonderful ways for you! Love you girl :)

  2. Wow, have come so far. You are truly an inspiration. And I have GOT to get The Secret!! :)