Thursday, May 14, 2009

"Gratitude is the best attitude.~Author Unknown

I have had to work very hard lately for a positive attitude. I am not sure why but I feel this magnetic pull down when everything is really looking up. I have been trying to really concentrate on all of the positive things and leave the negative behind. Perhaps that is why all the blogs about accepting change and learning to be happy with what you have. I am very happy with my life. I have been trying to practice The Secret by being grateful for all things and continuing to tell the universe what I want instead of dwelling on what I don’t have. I have been reviewing my blessings this week and I came up with quite a bit.

I have a job. That in itself is HUGE during these hard economic times. I may not be doing everything that I love and more but I have it good. I make a decent salary with insurance and parking paid. (Parking in Clayton could break the bank) I have a super nice office overlooking downtown Clayton. I am learning things at this job that I would not have learned elsewhere. I work for a prominent St. Louis politician and that is a great connection to have. I have met all kinds of state and national elected officials. For the most part I enjoy what I do and the freedom that I have. I am so grateful to not be micro-managed. How would a girl blog all day?

I have a home. Some of you might not appreciate this but for a long time I lived in a place that was not home. I bitched and complained almost daily but if you had asked me at the time what the problem was, I probably could not have told you. I hated my life. The first week of living with Dan I had come home one night and the house was silent. I had an overwhelming sense of relief at the sight, sound (or lack) and smell of HOME! I realized at that moment that is what had been missing all of that time. I am so grateful every single time I walk into my home now.

I have my health, as does most of my family. This is a big one. Most people don’t appreciate good health until it is gone. You hear all the time of people getting Cancer and then finally learning to live because of the threat of dying. I am not a mother but I cannot imagine a sick child. As I thank the universe for my own health, I am also grateful for that of my friends and their children.

I am well fed and I have healthcare. I know both of these things seem small but if you don’t have one or either of them, you know they are not small at all. They are survival. I don’t just eat, I eat well. We have fish, filet and sushi once a week. That is something to be grateful for. Health insurance is something I have been without. It sucks. God forbid you would get sick without it. I am grateful for places like Planned Parenthood that provide healthcare to people that cannot afford it. I have been there.

I have a fantastic support network. My friendships span from 30 years to just a few days old. I appreciate so much the growth and acceptance that comes from long friendships. The history of knowing someone 20 or 30 years is amazing. Without old friends, life would not be the same. New friendships bring new color and pizzazz to life. They bring you new experiences, people, cultures and memories to cherish. “My people”, as I call all of you, are on my list each morning and each night of the things that I am grateful for.

I am in love; for real. After years of the single life, I wasn’t sure that my someone was even out there. I continued to tell the universe what I needed in a man and it delivered last year. I never thought I would appreciate a relationship as much as I appreciated being single. Let’s face it, do what you want, when you want and answer to no one is a pretty good deal. Except…I have all of that still. Dan could care less what I do. He loves my gays (that was a requirement put forth into the universe early on) and encourages me to get out and see my friends all of the time. He works 24 hour shifts so I have plenty of Toni time, lots of friend time and I still manage my SSB (secret single behavior) on the nights he is away. I can’t give thanks for Dan without mentioning Belldisa. Who would have thought that I would love a kid? I mean, this is just crazy talk now.

My family is amazing. Although we sho did put the FUN into dysfunctional, I am proud of all of us. Momma has learned to not be so angry and hateful anymore. Daddy is growing at his own rate (slow but sure). And my sister is an inspiration. She is graduating law school this weekend at the age of 35 (teetering on 36 but we will give her a break). She is married to a woman that she loves and she is embarking on the life that she has been working tirelessly for. This has been her dream since we were little babies and I could not be more proud of her.

I have the best gay boy (friend) circle a girl could ask for. Seriously, these boys got me through break-ups and years of being single. They taught me the fine art of stage/cage dancing, well, them and Leigh-Leigh. They introduced me to all nighters (literally, sun is up and shinning when you stumble out the club), cock rings, dark rooms at the Complex (could have skipped that), cocaine (just being honest) and more love than I ever thought a group of MEN could hold in their pinkies let alone their hearts.

I also have this blog to let loose all of my thoughts, my car; Gia- that I just LOVE, Facebook that gets me through the work day, my dogs, and my dawgs (lol), my unalienable rights as well as the constitutional right to marry (so long as I choose a man….grrr). I am grateful for Barack Obama. I am grateful that gay marriage and gay rights are finally in the forefront of today’s issues. I am grateful for shows like The Biggest Loser and Extreme Makeover Home Edition that show me that all of the good is not gone out of this world.

There is never enough you can say about being grateful. I was in a really bad place mentally yesterday and pissy at the world. I went home to clean and knock that not-so-fresh feeling out of my heart. Dan was sick in bed when I got home so I jumped to cleaning. Not gonna lie, I was a wee bit resentful that he wasn’t helping but I digress. I was not going to let it upset me. I turned around a few minutes later (was kickin’ the iPod on full blast) and Dan is not only up but he is scrubbing the shower! He knew I had a lot to do and despite the fact that he felt like hammered shit, he helped me. If that wasn’t enough to love the shit out of him, he does one better. He actually made me laugh out loud in my state of “fuck the world”. I was be bopping long to the iPod, not paying anyone a bit of attention. I am busting out whatever happens to be playing at the time at the top of my lungs. Now I have my ear bugs in so I can’t hear me but Dan sure can. (Can you imagine my tone deafness at full volume?) If I were him, I probably would have gotten pissed (headache and all) and told him to shut-up. Instead, I go into the bathroom to ask him something and I remove an ear bug. Homeboy is singing the song from my iPod! So I say, “honey, are you singing the music from my iPod?” and he’s like “yeah, kinda fun to see if I can stick with the beat not hearing the music”. He sure was following my screeching voice and singing alone. People, I belly laughed. It probably wasn’t that funny but how cute? I just wanted to rip your eyes out (not really but kinda) and now you make me laugh like crazy. Perhaps it was the universes way of reminding me why I love him as much as I do. Anyhoo, I am off work tomorrow. I am spending a weekend of gratitude and family fun in Michigan for the big Law School graduation. I will leave you with this thought for today:

"The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving."----H. U. Westermayer


  1. its always good to step back and take note of what we are grateful for. Looks like you have a very long and wonderful list. I am so glad Dan turned some things around yesterday and that you are feeling better! Can't wait to see you tonight!

  2. I love you and Dan together. You are truly meant to be, as cliche as it is. Great post today.