5/35

5/35

This was invented by my friend Gina’s friend, Elizabeth. I liked the idea so much I am stealing it this week. The idea is to write down 5 things each day that you are grateful for and do this for a full 7 day week. I have said for weeks that I was going to do this and last week I finally started my list. Here goes:

Monday

Last Monday was Labor Day and I was off work.

I had a nice chill morning with my coffee and a book.

I had a date day with Dan after not seeing him for almost a week.

I watched The Soloist which was a quality movie with a REAL plot.

I had sushi with Joe and Laura and joked that it would be our last dinner before Baby Ayla arrived the next day (I was trying to force her out at this point).

Tuesday

My sister passed the Missouri Bar Exam!!!!!!

Rachel came to visit after work and we enjoyed some girl time.

I got a text from an old friend that I haven’t heard from in way too long.

Laura is finally in labor!!!!!!

I lost my phone and although my sister was awaiting her bar results and Laura was having a baby, it was really nice to be unplugged.

Wednesday

Baby Ayla arrives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

30 minutes of coffee talk with Dan before work.

Work seminar that was more than smooth and I think I nailed a few new clients!

I finally found my phone!

My sister had a 2nd interview for a real live attorney job and she could tell them she passed the bar!!!!!!!!

Thursday

My step mom found out her cancer is still in remission and she does not have to follow up again until December:-)

Dan and I disagreed without having it turn into a fight.

I started my first savings plan in years.

I had a wonderful 2 hour lunch at PF Chang’s on the patio courtesy of my boss.

I mowed the grass after work which always calms my mind and works out my aggression from the day. Yes, I like to mow grass. I really enjoy any mindless job that leaves you feeling accomplished after

Friday

I got to meet Baby Ayla.

I took dinner to Joe and Laura and it felt good that they were both so satisfied by my cooking. (Kudos to the hospital for being so terrible!)

Dan and I had some time alone to talk and reconnect; more than just a few minutes here and there.

It was 9/11 so I really just took the day to be grateful for my family and friends and how little we were personally affected by 9/11. Everyone was affected but we didn’t lose loved ones.

I was really grateful there were no further attacks on the US that day…or any day since then.

Saturday

I got to wake up next to Dan.

Dan made biscuits and gravy for breakfast while we had coffee talk.

My sister’s graduation party!!!!!!!!!!

I loved seeing my gays at the party and having some time to feel at home with those bitches. It was amazing and so much fun.

Out of town family and old family friends at the party were really awesome to see.

Sunday

I got to sleep in…until I woke up. No dogs, no Dan snoring…just me, myself and I!

I got to see my daddy…without distraction.

I went to visit Dan at work and we washed my car which was actually a lot of fun. We are dorks.

I had a nice chill day to myself and was able to chill, do laundry and clean-up at my own pace.

I made myself a wonderful dinner and watched a few movies before falling asleep on the couch at 8:30!

I was just rereading my list and these things sound like just lists of what I did. To me it is the small things that you should be most grateful for. Those 30 minutes with Dan after a few days of not seeing one another really mean more to me than you could know. I also enjoy and appreciate my time to myself. I try to make a mental check list of things that I am grateful for each morning and then again each night. I like this exercise because it forces that evaluation of the day and perhaps brings to light something positive that you overlooked the first time.

As promised, this week’s Man Candy Monday is dedicated to Gina’s picks because I got the 5/35 idea from her. Stay tuned to see what male/female combo melts Gina’s butta!

Politics, it seems to me, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong. ~Richard Armour

Our President addressed the nation’s school children this week. His message was to stay in school, get an education and start planning now for the future. It is a message that many 30-somethings, or even recent unemployed 20-something college graduates wish someone would have shared with them. And who better than our nation’s leader to reach out to today’s youth? The man IS the American dream quantified. He can reach more school aged children than the Jonas Brothers or Miley Cyrus and that is no small feat. The issue today is not our President addressing the school children it is the parents who are against it that I take a beef with. Even if you didn’t vote for Obama you have to admit his story is amazing. Even if you don’t agree with his politics somewhere deep down you know he is not harming school children by telling them to get an education. What is the problem? This country has gone crazy on Democrat/Republican, for or against, taxes or no taxes, healthcare or no healthcare. No one agrees. We all know something has to be done with healthcare but no one is sure what that is. I don’t think anyone in America completely identifies with one party or idea on ALL issues. None of us want to have to pay out more but most of us would be willing to if it creates a positive change in this world. THAT is what we voted for. Well, I did anyway. I don’t know about you.

A grown-ass man and member of Congress called our President a liar last night on the congressional floor. I understand that tempers are flared and a word get heated but, is that really how you show respect to your Commander-In-Chief? He called the man a liar in front of the world and not man-to-man, face-to-face. He was a coward and did it in a group of hundreds of people and on national television. I hated our former President, GWB. I don’t think there is any question about that. I tried my best to accept that he was (allegedly) elected by the majority and I had to bite my tongue until he was gone. I can assure you that if faced with George W. Bush today I would be gracious. I don’t think I would share with him the detriment that I feel he did to this country, nor the distaste that I personally hold for him, his policies, his politics and his people. I would let him know from my heart how I feel that he could have done better. More than likely we would agree to disagree on most matters…or we would go to duke it out.

The world seems to have become a very radical place in a short period of time. Desperate times are indeed calling for desperate measures on behalf of many Americans. War, the economy and unemployment and healthcare are the issues that we asked for our leader to tackle and he is. Had John McCain been elected I don’t think he would have taken half as much action by this time. I find it funny looking back at how fierce of a battle the presidential race seemed just 1 year ago. Today, Sarah Palin is no longer the governor of Alaska, let alone a vice president. She is not even an elected official. I know there are many SP followers that hope to see her again in 2012 but she didn’t finish out her job as Governor which shows that she has no follow-through. I don’t see her being a problem in the future. John’s wife Cindy admitted on the Today show yesterday that she is relieved to not be in Michelle Obama’s shoes right now. She actually came out and said that to Meredith Viera! I personally LOVE Obama but I can see the issue for people who don’t. What were our other options? People no one has heard of? The American media only gives voice to MAJOR political parties so a good portion of presidential candidates were never heard from by mainstream media. Did you know that a black woman ran for President in this last election? I knew strictly from my own research. I never once saw her bio on fox/cnn/msnbc, not so much as a small picture and acknowledgement of throwing her hat in the race. She certainly was not invited to the debates as most of the smaller named candidates were not. Some people say that creating more political parties will cause even more divide than we are seeing now. Is that possible? You have people who don’t agree with their own parties crossing party lines. You have Senators and Congressman voting based on who introduced the bill and how it will affect their bid for re-election by voting on it. Then on the other side you have the American public, hungry for a story. Everything is a scandal. All parties are guilty until proven innocent. We say that Congress and the Senate are full of crooks but we put them there! If we have no faith in our system it is our own fault. I thought the movement behind Barack Obama showed our faith being restored. There were so many people that came out to vote and support the bid for presidency. Where are those people now? When we cast a vote for Change to me that is a commitment within you to accept and embrace that change. Why is it then that Mr. Obama is being met with so much resistance? We voted for Obama, we voted for Change. I feel like our President has a long road ahead of him. It will be 2035 before we can truly gauge what kind of President he was and how he affected America on the whole. He can have no affect without the support of America and the American’s who voted for him. George Bush had the same issue in his administration. He was elected by mostly conservative war lovers and they turned on him when he didn’t find WMD’s. What did you expect? You are the same people that feel like our country profits from war! This issue isn’t just about going to the polls every 4 years and casting your vote. It is about getting involved and engaging the community. It is making your voice heard as well as hearing others. It is understanding that you are not the only person on earth and if we all make a conscious effort, life can be better for us all. No matter whom the President is…

Alien or Babeh Friend?

Ok, so it is no secret that I am missing some, if not all, of that whole mommy-gene. I must start this post by telling all of my mommy friends that this is NOT about you. You are all fantastic mothers. Fortunately for you and unfortunate for me, if I thought differently my verbal vomit would have already clued you in. This post is about me…and MY issues. Brace yourselves mommies, this might be hard for you to read. I have NEVER felt that little squeeze in my heart while looking at a baby-friend and thought, “I want one!” Never, for real, not one time; in fact, I am more than a little freaked out by pregnancy and I am very quick to return a child to its rightful owner once it arrives. Don’t get me wrong…I love a good baby. They are so warm, soft and cuddly, when they belong to someone else. Part of the allure to me is that I can (and WILL) give them back when they:

A. cry
B. projectile vomit
C. need to eat
D. shit themselves
E. or just act like general assholes


When I was a kid my dad used to say that a pregnant woman was the most beautiful thing in the world. At the time I thought he needed his bifocals checked. The whole idea of pregnancy to me, even back when I was a kid was way messed up. I truly think of it like the movie Alien where that thing comes out of the girl’s stomach.

I personally am not down with sacrificing my freedom to house/grow/cook/incubate a tiny human friend. I like to smoke, drink and do the hoochie-coo if you know what I mean and babeh’s are not conducive to that lifestyle. The idea that this thing lives inside of you and feeds off you for 9 months; is insane to me. Couple that with the whole feeding ON you, should you choose to breastfeed, for the next 2-4 years…every 2-4 hours. Let’s face it…no one I know stops before 2…so far. Now you have extended out the sacrificing of freedom for 2 years and 9 months and that is IF you break them from the boob by 2.

I will admit a good deal of my fear comes from a terrible experience about 7 years and 2 months ago. A very old friend was pregnant back in 2002. She and baby daddy were not on great terms and things were rocky at best. She needed a Lamaze coach that she could count on and don’t ask me why but she asked me. I was floored, honored and scared to death all at once. We did 8 weeks of Lamaze for a few hours a night. We saw a birthing room, the tools, the massive stage lighting and the emergency equipment for just incase. As the big day approached I found her comforting me more than me comforting her. She was almost 10 months worth of swollen and ready for whatever was going to get that baby out. Me? Not so much.

I will attempt to make a long story very short here. Water broke at 2am (I thought she was joking when she called), got to hospital at 2:30, Epidural by 3ish (they were quick), contractions for hours then pushing for many more. At 4pm a REAL doctor comes in and informs us that little bits’ head is so big there is just no way he will coming out that exit. She has pushed for hours at this point. My arm is dead…no more needles; the poor thing is just DEAD from holding up a leg for the past 12+ hours. I don’t think I have ever felt so kicked in the gut as I did at that moment. Now remember, I am the coach….SMILE! It’s ok. We are going to be fine (WE are in this together now). He (this darling moose-headed child) will be here soon and you won’t even think of this. I was lying to both of us but it seemed to work. Within an hour we had a baby! He was fantastic and perfect, albeit cone-headed and I really do think she forgot all that pushing after. I, however, did not. I was exhausted and a bit traumatized. It took a few minutes of crying in my car to realize that most of the “emergency equipment” we learned of in class was used. I thought I was going to throw up my own heart when I saw them busting it all out but I was the coach and damn it my job was to encourage. I cried for a good long time in that parking garage.

A few days later we took the little one home. I was totally that paranoid 1st time father on the way home. We had to TRIPLE check the security of the baby seat and then I proceeded down the road at just 10 miles an hour as to not jostle the baby. Those first few weeks were so scary to me and I got to go home to my single life at the end of the night. I could not imagine then, nor can I now, the fear of being a single first-time parent. Then I thought about having the ideal mate as many of my friends do and I still can’t see myself doing it.

People have told me for years that eventually my clock would start ticking. I would get the bug when the time was right. So far, I still got nothing. I have friends that thought pregnancy was the most beautiful thing in the world and loved every minute of it. I think I would be the exact opposite. I am pretty sure I would not even like myself. No booze, no pot and no fun makes Little T a nasty B. Not to mention the aftermath of childbirth, I mean, what the hell do you do with them for the next 18 years? My parents did not do a great job and they are my influence so that is scary as hell. I have friends who have managed to break that cycle and I would have to go into motherhood knowing that I would do it differently. I won’t have children unless I really want them. I don’t see myself sitting down one day and saying “ok, I’m done with fun…let’s squeeze out a few puppies now”. I am about the most careful person on the planet when it comes to birth control (double up) so there will be no oops for me. I guess if it ever happens you will all know that I truly wanted it.

A few of my early opinions of pregnancy have changed. I completely agree with my dad that pregnant women are beautiful. My friends IRL Anna and Laura and also my friend Manda have been MORE beautiful pregnant. Laura is due any day so I can’t say for sure about her but Anna and Manda are both such changed people, yet entirely the same. They have both retained that pregnancy glow into the first year of motherhood and I know Laura will be no different. I have been around for Laura’s entire pregnancy (come on already, BBA!) and it is really amazing to feel a little life inside (as long as it is in someone else). You can actually make out body parts and play poke the baby. I loved these girls tremendously before but I feel like they are more now that they are mom’s. It is almost as if being a mom completed them. People tell me quite frequently what a great mom they think I would be. I am testing the faux step-mom roll with PB and I am not sure I am cut out for it. I worry that I will forget her places. Or I will forget to feed her. I always tell Dan it is because I didn’t carry her for 9 months and care for her every need for the first few years of her life but between you, me and the blogosphere, I would worry about forgetting my own kid too. I know there are babies having babies everyday in this country and this probably seems like a shallow and meaningless post to some but this is a real fear people. I tend to identify with the father so much more, perhaps because I played the daddy roll in my situation. I guess I do make a good coach for the labor coach. That has to count for something.

So….can you imagine a mini Little T? Please do let me know your thoughts on this; they are sure to be interesting!

Man Candy Monday

Today's little bit of male sweetness comes to us straight from the football fields of New England.

The water really does something for me.

And his little butt chin...

Tom has been to 4 superbowls and won 3 of them. He sure knows how to handle that ball!

For a footballer he sure knows how to wear a suit!
Or nothing at all...
Mmmmm, wet t-shirt
He looks so sensitive in some of his shots
Grrrrr
Sadly, this Stetson add is how I learned of Tom Brady. I am not much of a football fan.
Loving that 5 o'clock shadow

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This weeks lady lumps comes as a suggestion from my very pregnant IRL friend, Laura over at Wringing out my Sponge. Laura is due to deliver anyday now and while our taste in men is a bit skewed...our taste in woman is spot-on. This week I give you Evangeline Lilly from LOST!

She has amazing eyes that truly speak before she can or does.
This one was for my sister...thought she would enjoy the half naked waterfall. I am sure you do too!
Her body and make-up both look amazabells in this one.
Sexy naked back:-)
Just sexy
She truly is a beautiful woman in every sense of the word.
With perfect skin
sexy pose
Fun and sexy pose. Love her!
Happy Monday, y'all!

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present. ~Babatunde Olatunji

Life is always tossing challenges our way. We always have a choice. We can handle challenges with acceptance and peace or we can choose resistance and suffering. I have always been a believer in the power of the universe and fate. I know that all things happen for a reason. I know there is such a thing as unanswered prayers (and not just because Garth told me). I know that we all have a purpose in this life. I have spent the better part of the past 5 years seeking out my "purpose". I worked in the mortgage industry for years and I hated it. I tried insurance and failed. The bar scene was too much for me as a full time gig. When I got my current job I was desperate for work. I applied for anything that sounded like my background. My current job is a culmination of every job I have ever had in the past. As much as I don’t LOVE what I do, I think I do it better than most people could just because of my background and experience which is unique. I have been reading a lot lately about inner calm and peace and the key to all of that is being happy with what you have. I feel as if I follow this mantra pretty regularly (ok so I fall off of the wagon occasionally). That doesn’t just mean saying “ok, I am happy now. All is right with the world”. It means actually taking stock in life and appreciating what you have. I have a job. There are many who don’t. I can afford to eat, many cannot. I have a home, love of good people and my health. I have a fantastic family and some very great friends. These all may seem like basic things but that is what life is…extremely basic. When you add more obstacles, possessions, things in life you create the space for disappointment. The basics are important every day of your life.

I spent a lot of time in my life thinking about the past. I think of my parents’ mistakes in raising me as well as my own mistakes in growing up. All of that time and thought process brought me to one conclusion: I can’t change the past. This is where the choice comes in; I can accept the past for what is was and look for the blessings that were there or I can be angry, bitter and mad at the world. I choose to accept that what is has already happened and I cannot change it. Analyzing it does not guarantee that I won’t repeat it so fear of that only assists in holding me back. I have also spent a good deal of time recently thinking of the future. Where should I be? Where am I going? What is my purpose on earth? Purpose is what you do. My purpose right now is writing this blog and getting my words out to you. After that my purpose might be to avoid work a bit more before eating my lunch. If I look for 2nd jobs later, that will be my purpose then.

Again, this might seem very basic to some of you but I just had this awakening (shout out to Eckhart Tolle)so let me bask in it for a minute. I find myself sometimes wanting to control things and situations as a reaction to my past and lack of control. Once I recognize and accept this behavior it becomes much easier for me to see that control is not what is important. Being true to the moment you are in is all of our purpose in this life. If you are doing something, do it with all that you have. Know that things are ever changing and evolving and accept that no one has any control over what happens. That is part of destiny, of fate of living this crazy thing we call life. A big part of life is accepting what IS and sometimes also what IS NOT.

I have decided to give myself over to what IS. I cannot dwell on what used to be or what could be because the only thing that really matters is what IS. If what IS, is not what I believe should be then I will have faith that room is being made in my life for what truly IS. I have also learned that you cannot solely depend on fate. If you want something you have to put it out into the universe. You have to ask for it, make it known and work towards it. Make your actions reflect your dreams or passions. Go after everything in life with 100% and then even if you lose the job, the guy or the thing you wanted most…you know you gave it your personal best. That is the purpose of life and I am here to fulfill that mission within myself. I am present.


With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us. ~Michael Cibenko

Don't let the past steal your present. ~Cherralea Morgen

There is no distance on this earth as far away as yesterday. ~Robert Nathan, So Love Returns

If you are still talking about what you did yesterday, you haven't done much today. ~Author Unknown
Don't let yesterday use up too much of today. ~Cherokee Indian Proverb

The past is a good place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there. ~Author Unknown

Waste not fresh tears over old griefs. ~Euripides, Alexander

The past is a guidepost, not a hitching post. ~L. Thomas Holdcroft

Having spent the better part of my life trying either to relive the past or experience the future before it arrives, I have come to believe that in between these two extremes is peace. ~Author Unknown

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. ~Alexander Graham Bell

If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is. ~Author Unknown

Man Candy Monday

This Monday's Man Candy makes my no-no throb. Mr. Channing Tatum is the king of the shirtless leading man roll. You probably remember him as a dancer in Step Up (1 and 2). He was also very hot and shirtless in Stop Loss, a movie that came out last year about the Iraq war. He is in GI Joe, which I have not seen yet. I learned today from my friends over at Wiki that his first paying job was as a dancer in Ricky Martin's, She Bangs video. More important than his acting chops however are his abs!



This is his sensitive lover look. He's got it down. Loving the scar on his cheek too!
Here we have the classic badboy...also well played. Although I could do without the wife beater under the jacket but...whatev.

This is the "I want your sex pose"....I am in.

Who doesn't love a good shower seduction scene? He seems to be experiencing Hanes OVERFLOW!

Love everything about this except the Jesus pick in the background....or whatever that is ruining my view.

Thanks a million to GQ for these...

Sexy office man by day...rugged firefighter at night!The chains on this one got me...

MMMMMMMMM!

Our sweet lady lumps for this week are my very own choice. I personally think Meagan Fox is SUPER hot.

Frankly, I cannot believe that David Silver gets to sleep next to this each night.

I hear she's a real bitch...but with that body, who cares?The man candy and lady lumps are so much fun for me. I guess we can all see my type. What I want to know is...what is your type? Comment your ultimate guy and girl and check back to see if they don't just pop up here on a Monday post. Happy week to all!

My friend Laura over at Wringing out my Sponge created her very own award today. This might be TMI for some of you but if you read my blog you know its tough titty for you. I am especially proud of Laura (my friend IRL) for creating this award as she is 8 ½ months pregnant right now and sex is probably the last thing she thinks of before bed. The award is called Expose Yourself and here are the rules.

Tell us 3 things about your sex life. You can make them whatever you want and it doesn't necessarily have to pertain to your current partner (or a partner at all for that matter). You can talk about your likes or dislikes, your kinky fetishes or your secret desires. You can tell us a funny story about the time you were having sex in the woods with your old boyfriend and you both ended up with 1,000 tics. Whatever you want... it’s totally up to you!

1. I am a multiple orgasm girl. I blogged about this a while back. I didn’t know until about 5 years ago and before I learned it about myself I had no idea it was possible. Up until that point I had always controlled sex in my relationships and believe it or not it was over when I was done. This was one of the most beautiful discoveries of my life. I have always enjoyed sex and I have always felt like I enjoyed sex more than the average woman. I definitely think about sex more than most women and I have usually been the instigator to sex in most of my relationships. I usually cannot get enough. I just recently found out that there are women who cannot orgasm from just vaginal sex. I had no idea this was an issue for A LOT of people. I think if women were less embarrassed and/or shamed by sex they could enjoy it a hell of a lot more. I blame the church and mothers who teach children that your sexual organs are your no-no area. I think if we were all brought up with a healthier body and sexual image we would not have the esteem issues that a lot of women do. It would probably go a long way towards a woman’s own self respect too.

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2. I believe that masturbation is the key to a healthy sexual image and sex life. If you don’t know what you want how can you expect someone else to know? I started masturbating at a young age and I was never ashamed of it. I remember talking to my friends about it and being very open even in junior high. I am not a shy person so it doesn’t bother me in the least to masturbate in front of a boyfriend and I just recently learned that this is not true for everyone. Again, it goes back to feeling shame where your genitals are concerned. I spent many years as a single girl and I have never been one to sleep around so it was just me and my trusty vibrator for a long time. I found that I almost preferred it to most men after a while. Even when I am in a relationship I will masturbate a few times a week…or sneak it in in the showerJ I don’t understand women who are jealous of men masturbating or watching porn. Maybe it is because I also enjoy both but I feel like a man can enjoy some porn and his right hand or another woman…you decide. Clearly we all know where I stand.

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3. I did not used to allow anyone south of the boarder. I cannot tell you why. I know at the time I felt very uncomfortable/self conscious with someone’s head in my crotch (no matter how well I knew them). I am most certain that the precious few who were allowed in my younger years had no idea what they were doing. I have personally never been with a woman and I think I am one of the few that has no desire. It is possible that the whole lesbian for a sister ruined the fantasy for me. I digress. I have discussed technique with my lesbian friends (not my sister) and I can assure you that there is a right and a wrong way. (If you are interested, I highly recommend talking to a woman vs. a man…just sayin’) It was not until a certain man who clearly enjoyed the giving of oral pleasure that I was able to let go of my insecurity and just enjoy. Ours was a tumultuous relationship but I will always think of him fondly for making me see the error in my ways. He actually had a hard time convincing me that:

a. He enjoyed it (and he really, really did)
b. I should enjoy it (I learned)
c. It was a completely natural act of loving someone (never how I saw it)

Like I said the relationship was rough but I will admit we had some good sexual chemistry. It also helped to have older women friends who were like “look at how a man enjoys a blowjob and mimic them”. Or another, “just throw your head back, close your eyes and forget he is there”. That one is my personal favorite…just sayin’. A big thanks to Laura for tagging me on this. It was actually quite fun! I am not tagging anyone as my bloggy friends have all been tagged. I am such a rebel!