An open letter to the universe

Dear Universe,

I believe in your infinite power and wisdom. I thank you for leading me in life thus far and I apologize for the times that I did not listen or pay attention when you tried to send me warnings or signs. The law of attraction says that you must put it out there; whatever it is that you need, want or desire and it will be yours. The world is full of abundance if only you ask for what you need. I have been circling all of this around in my head for so long. First, figuring out what I needed. Then how to put it out there? Then the hardest part of all for me, continuing to believe and being PATIENT! I feel like I have put it out there. Most of the time patience is the main problem for me. Last night as I was lying awake from my newfound extreme insomnia I wondered how I could do better at putting out what I wish to receive back. What better way than using my blog?

First I would like to start with gratitude:
Thank you for showing me the truth and more importantly for being patient while I accepted it.
Thank you for the amazing women in my life who have been an unbelievable amount of support and love to me for the past 30 years but more so in the past few days.
Thank you for forgiveness in myself and others.
Thank you for the feeling of peace despite the upheaval in my life.
Thank you for the knowing and understanding that it will all work out even though I can’t see how just this second.
Thank you for the strength to get up and put one foot in front of the other each h day.
Thank you for the love and support of my family.
Thank you for the opportunity to grow and learn in ALL of my relationships this year.
Thank you for my health and that of my loved ones.
Thank you for your patience in showing me the red flags even though I did not want to see them.
Thank you for making me see that putting yourself out there and loving someone with all that you have is nothing to be ashamed of.
Thank you for showing me I am stronger than I ever thought I was.

What I want out of life is what everyone wants, to be happy. I am happy when I am with my girls. Animals make me happy. Babies and old people as well. I need a new home. I don’t really want to be alone right now. I need a place of love, acceptance and peace to figure out my new direction. I want a career that doesn’t feel like work. Something I don’t dread getting up to do every day and I feel pride in at the end of the day. I would like to be able to pay all of my bills with one job. I want to be self sufficient as I have been my entire life. I want to be in love. I want true love with a man who worships me. I want someone who will bring flowers for no reason, ask about my day, do little things to make me smile and love me unconditionally. I want to be married and possibly one day, be a mom. I want the strength, courage and knowledge to follow my heart to all that I am seeking. And I want you watching over me, guiding me and showing me what I know is right and best for me.

Peace and Love,
Little T

Man Candy Monday Randoms

I cannot commit today. I can't commit to just one hot man. It is my birthday and I should have all of the hot shirtless men that the internet can provide. I don't know most of their names, ages or career history and frankly, I do not care. I liken it to what will be my new dating style:-) There might be a few familiar faces for you.

My favorite soccer stud!

Something about the chains is really sexy here.

Perfect picture of what my type USED to be.

Mmmm, Channing!

Scenery and a view here.

Where the ocean meets the mountians is my ultimate spot!

Thirty-one-derful

Today is the day. It is a small milestone but a mile stone, non-the-less. I am 31 years young. The reason today is special is because I never thought I would live to see the day. I have no idea why but from a very young age I did not think I would live past 30. When I say young age, I mean 5 or 6 years old. I don’t know if I thought it would be my life style, some horrific accident or illness but I simply did not think I would make it to thirty-one-derful and a HERE I AM! I can’t say that life has been a bowl of cherries lately. Honestly, it has been a bowl of rotten and heinously sour lemons that have started to mold and collect fruit flies. Despite the fact that (in my mind) I should be dead and I have felt dead for the better part of the past 72 hours, I am hopeful.
I know it sounds crazy but I feel like the worst is over. I have been given the opportunity to pull myself up, brush myself off and make a fresh start. That is exactly what I intend to do. My entire life has been a distraction lately from who I really am and what I really want. I lost myself in something else for a minute but I am found once again and I am ready to take action!
I feel like each and every event of my entire life has built me up for this moment, this time. It is my time. It is time to shed the fears of the past and uncertainty of the future and just JUMP! I have spent so much time thinking, planning and ultimately doing nothing lately. Change is on the horizon. I am so excited. I hope you are too. Hold on for the ride.

il est fini

Dan and I are over.

PB and me will no longer be.

Need a place to live.

Maybe a counselor too.

Definitely some good friends.

Fuck, this shit hurts like hell!

AGAIN

Healing my hate

Itty bitty hater

Ohhhhhh, I gotst my panties in a big old bunch today. No big secret I am a gay lover (both happy and homo). I have been called a gay magnet which can actually be proved by many nights that there was 1 token gay who was almost immediately drawn to me. Perhaps I have ACCEPTANCE written in rainbow on my forehead. I have amazing Gaydar to the point that I have outed youngin’s before they knew they were gay. One of my very own gays suggested recently that my perfect job would be Ambassador to the Gay community. Now that is a job I could get on board with.
I think you can already see where this is going. This week in St. Louis the Fred Phelps’s family was visiting to spread their message of heartless, hateful and hurtful. My friend Ed over at SHOW ME NO HATE organized a peaceful protest against the Phelps family at a few local schools. I was unable to attend due to work obligations but everyone made white angel wings (large span to distract from the haters). These folks stood out in the cold, silently while this hate machine rolled on by. If Freddy had it his way none of the married couples standing in protest would be married. In fact, they would be arrested for their homosexual lifestyle or “deviant sexual behavior” as Fred prefers. The Phelps family got word of this peaceful protest and called the police. You see, Phelps and his family of haters uses their “poster children” (literally) to get the word out on the streets while Phelps himself spreads the devil’s word inside. Somehow he was frightened by a peaceful protest. This man is going into schools to spread his message of hate but he is threatened by a peaceful protest outside by a bunch of gays? I know Fred has never been close with the community, much less in a gay bar but I have never seen a real fight or violence. Lovers bitch fights, yes. Senseless violence, no.
I struggle with people like this. I wish them ill will, even death. They wish for the permanent disposal of my community, my people. Ed over at SHOW ME NO HATE did an interview with one of the local school newspapers after the peaceful protest and had this to say: We do not hate Fred Phelps or his Church. We actually love them. Judy Shepard (mother of the slain Matthew Shepard 10-years ago of which the Laramie Project was based on) once said to me, "Fred Phelps has helped our cause, our mission more than any other person on this planet." I totally agree with Judy. Fred Phelps is actually doing greatness by spreading his message of hate to people everywhere. [I know that sounds crazy and funny.] I think people look at his signs, his words and think, "Is that me? Do I hate the very same people?" Fred Phelps puts a mirror up to society that in turn helps people look at themselves and see the potential "hate" we all have and hide inside. It was not until recently I learned to really love what the Phelps family is doing for the LGBTQ community. [And it inspires me to look deeper into that mirror and let others look into a mirror.]
All I can say is wow, wow and wow. This is a man whose own marriage could hang in the balance of all of this voting for equality and he does not hate. I could really stand to learn a lesson from him. These images of children being used to promote hateful propaganda are just sickening to me. Can you imagine what kind of haters these kids will grow up to be? My attitude that people like the Phelps family should be eliminated from our galaxy does not promote my own message of love and peace. I hate to say this but it looks like I have a lot of work to do before I am ready for that Ambassador position.

"Poster Child"

P.S. Does anyone else think this is out and out child abuse? I know I have many mommy readers. I am interested what you think.

Oh, and here are some of the pics of SHOW ME NO HATE's peaceful protest:

I absolutely love this photo!

And the big rainbow flag, of course!

The photos at the bottom of the peaceful protest are courtesy of Tiffany Parrett. The small haters holding signs are courtesy of Chris Weiss. I also suggest a stop in to SHOW ME NO HATE to tell Ed what a great job he is doing!

Man Candy Monday

Man Candy Monday has got me all hot and bothered. Today I present to you Twilight hottie, Kellan Lutz!

I dream about these dimples. I am not a twi-hard, I just love beatiful men!

Get a good look at the eyes and dimple because you won't even notice them in a minute.
See...you didn't even see a head, did you? Holy, manV!!!!!!!!

This is just cute and cuddly.

Raw and sexy...In his younger years but still hot!

Love that serious look!

This one has me thinkin' real dirty at work!

Yum!

Also the younger years.

Emo chic

Blood sucking vampire!

Esquire Magazine's Sexiest Woman Alive 2009

It's Kate Beckinsale

She a hottie with a bodie fo sho!

But a classic beauty also.

Looking quite boobaliscious here.

sexy lady

Something about the nips in this one really got me.

I hope you dance

I have been an emotional, poor-me kind of sap this weekend. Instead of making lemonade from my lemons I have been sqeezing them over my open wounds instead. I was reading the paper with my morning coffee this morning and I found new inspriration. I hope this lifts you up the way that it did me. I am off to make lemonade! Happy Sunday everyone:-)