Thursday, April 30, 2009

“A moment lasts all of a second, but the memory lives on forever.” Unknown

I had an amazing drive in to work today, a literal trip down memory lane. It probably helped immensely that I got a full night sleep last night for the first time all week. My sister and her wife as well as my gay husband and many of my favorite homo’s are in Mexico this week, separate but equally at risk...kind of like their marriage rights. I digress, that is another blog entirely. My sister and Jen are at a timeshare. Mattie and the boys are celebrating his big 3-0 at a resort. Anyhoo, not sleeping well due to their irresponsible travel habits and perhaps a bit of hypochondria over my own possible case of swine flu/HDC4100 or whatever they are calling it now:-)

I felt bad because last night was date night. For those of you who don’t know, my boyfriend Dan is a paramedic. He works 24 hour shifts and although we recently moved in together, we rarely have a night alone. He teaches on top of saving lives and then we have his daughter Bella a modified version of every other weekend. Needless to say, life is crazy. So last night was date night. We went to Kitaro for sushi, which in itself can usually make my day. Sushi is my favorite! I got out of the wrong side of the bed (mom’s old coin phrase) as it was yesterday. Then I didn’t have a great day at work. I was looking forward to my sushi date night. My Spicy Tuna was so spicy that it truly ruined my palate for the rest of my sushi. Dan ordered shark steak which I told him might cause a case of IUC for me, Immediate Up Chuck. Just smelling his dinner across the table took a little bit away from my sushi, I’m not gonna lie. I choked down as much spice roll and fried Philly (my fav) as I could. I left 4 pieces of tuna out of 8 because they were just too hot to eat. Dan tried one piece and couldn’t go any further and he loves hot stuff. We got some movies after that. I can’t even tell you what because I didn’t make it an hour into movie 1. Something about a CIA operative, I will check it out tonight and let you know how it was. So I was asleep by 10 on the couch and according to Dan I was super out of it when he woke me to go to bed. I finally slept through the night regardless of my paranoid pandemic fears.

Ok, so now onto my memory lane trip into work today, the original reason for my post. I woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed. After my normal 4 cup espresso in a 50 gallon drum;-) I was feeling ready to take on the world. I began my drive in to work thinking about how sunny and beautiful the morning was. I was running down my mental checklist of what I have to be grateful for, something I do daily. About half way into my drive of rocking out to old 80’s hits, I see an exact replica of my very first car, Baby Blue. Blue was an old blue Pontiac Le Mans. When I say exact I mean right down to the dents and non-matching paint patch-up. I think I paid $300 of the whopping $1300 sales price for her. She had no heat and very little air but she sure got many folks from A to B back in the day. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw her. The woman driving must have thought I was missing some marbles as I oggled her Pontiac like it was a rare Mercedes Benz or something. But oh, the memories that came back. I used to drive Leigh, Joanne and I to school in it when I first got Blue. I took out the side of the Gramlich’s garage and the rock at the end of the driveway countless times in old Blue. I drove Bri and Dawn to school for at least a year before they could drive. Who could forget the winter mornings in Baby Blue; wrapped in a blanket, chipping ice off of the INSIDE of her windows? We sang Don’t Fight the Feeling by Too $hort almost every morning for that year. Seeing this car was like my life flashing before my eyes…first jobs, boyfriends and old friends I hadn’t thought about in years and the memories just flooded back.

Then, almost as if in line with my thought process, the radio started throwing out all kinds of old tunes that I hadn’t heard in foreva. I heard my first “song” with a boyfriend, “More Than Words” by Extreme and bam, I was back to the skating rink in 8th grade. Next up was Color Me Badd with I Wanna Sex You Up. I sure did rock out to that shit like it was her first play on the radio. I am not sure why I felt so connected to the past today. On a normal morning Old Blue could have passed me without my even seeing her because my eyelids are usually still at half mass (stolen from Mo…credit given) at 7am. I was awake, aware and open today and I am really glad for it. It was nice to remember those good times and the good people involved in them. I have been struggling lately with old friendships. Who we are today is not who we used to be and growing together can be tough. Sometimes others cannot accept our personal change and growth and sometimes we cannot accept theirs. There are times when you may think that you know a friend better than they know themselves. You must give people room to grow and become who they are, including yourself (anyone else having an Ahhhh moment?). Remembering good times reminded me to let myself grow and not be stifled by others opinions. If I hadn’t let go of the past years ago, I would not be where I am today. The same is true now. I am fantastic just as I am, no matter what anyone else thinks and so are you as long as YOU think so. I send a warm loving thank you out to the universe for clearing that up for me. Happy last day of April! Peace and Love to all.

P.S. The above image is now actually the Baby Blue! Sorry the ex had to be included:-)


  1. Nice. LOVE the Le Mans. Nothing like a nice trip down memory lane. I hear ya about changing. I have struggled a bit with change since BBZ came along. My days of drinking and partying are over. For a while I thought it was because of pregnancy and breastfeeding, but in reality, I just am not that interested anymore. This is the longest I have gone without drinking since high school, and I have a clarity about life that I never knew was there. I have had to deal with this change and watch those around me carry on just as they always have, but I know what is best for me. Some relationships will continue through this change, others may not, but I know the ones that are meaningful will, and those that don't will always have the mark etched in my past.
    BTW, I totally remember More than Words!

  2. Great post! I wish I heard those songs today...I would have been rockin' out too! I swear I know every word to both of them!

  3. I am so glad you had such a great morning! Especially after a crappy week... you deserved it:) Change can be hard to accept, but it is usually for the best. Life is always changing, moving and evolving whether we like it or not. We just have to learn to accept it and find the best that we can in each day. Oh and P.S. thanks for your help tonight!

  4. Love it Toni!!! Remember how gas was 87 cents a gallon then- we even took the Conrad out in that car. I think that I laughed, cried, told secrets and had some of the fondest memories in that car!!! Love that you started a blog. I love blogging (haven't done it as much since facebook), but I think it will be a great online journal for myself and my children one day. Love your reads!