My On This Day this year is not a beautiful photo of vacation to some far away paradise. Nope, this year is but just a memory, thank goodness, but a bad memory all the same. I was fresh home from a weekend float trip for Labor Day, drying off from a much needed shower when I felt it. It was a lump, the size of a pea, in my right armpit into my side boob. I immediately reasoned it away as a lymph node still swollen from my bout with Covid a few months prior.
Despite my confidence that is was nothing to worry about, I called immediately the next day to make an appointment with my GYN. They got me in that Friday and a quick exam revealed just what I suspected, a swollen lymph node from Covid. But wait, there is this other spot that is of concern. I was immediately referred for a diagnostic mammogram with ultrasound, which sounded super scary but I thought, I’ve got this….right?
A few weeks later, without having told one other soul in my life, I went for the mammogram with full confidence that things would be fine. The initial mammogram seemed normal, although I’d never had one before. I was referred for ultrasound which I knew would happen so still no worry. As the tech slowly stopped talking and her voice and pitch changed I knew something wasn’t right. When she said, “let me just step out for the radiologist real quick”, the room started to close in. But for my recent meditation practice I’m positive I would have had a panic attack in that moment.
The radiologist pulled zero punches and told me in that visit she thought I had breast cancer but they would have to do a biopsy to confirm. She also found something on the other side that she thought was concerning and wanted to also biopsy that spot.
After a few weeks of torturous waiting, I had biopsies on both sides to confirm what they and I already knew, I had fucking breast cancer at 42 years old. I was smart enough for the biopsy visit to take a friend and it’s a good thing I did. Your brain literally just shuts off after news like this, or mine did anyway. You almost need that person so later they can reconfirm the news you are doing everything you can to spin another way.
The story from there is long and winding. I didn’t always have the best referrals or doctors to start but eventually I woke up and took control of my health and found the right doctors for me. It delayed my ultimate outcome but resulted in exactly what I hoped for with the support and team that I needed.
Maybe in the future I will dive into the details but the point of my story is this, on this day last year I found a lump. It wasn’t Cancer but it lead me to the Cancer and that little Covid lymph node may have just saved my life.
My cancer was Stage 1, not in the lymph node, and completely operable. By my choice I opted for a full mastectomy with reconstruction. That decision would also be a whole other story but I know I made the right decision for me. It wasn’t a decision I wanted to make or follow through on but I’m damn glad I did. I’m glad I had the option, choices and insurance to back up my wants. I’m grateful to Covid for bringing this to light because I struggle to even imagine if I were sitting here right now not knowing something was trying to kill me from within.
Moral of this very long story, it’s always better to know than not! Advocate for yourself and your health and when you don’t trust or fully understand, seek a second opinion. I was lucky in every single way, from finding it early to finding the right people to advocate for me and what I wanted. I am grateful and proud to be where I am one year later but WARNING, this could be a long fall season of reflection for me as I work though so much of what I could not face last year. Peace, love and check your titties friends, it just might save your life!💞
#BreastCancer
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